Hello all, I reached my coast fire number of $1m. It’s grown to $1.3m since then. I have recently decided I would like to buy a house as I’m sick of renting and dealing with property managers, the uncertainty that comes with renting specially recently as rents continue to increase an vacancy rates are extremely low. I strongly believe now it now makes sense for me to buy - I don’t think I was ready to commit before but I recently had a change of heart.
I’m planning on buying a property outright in cash. What % of my net worth would you recommend I spend on a property so to get a decent asset that will hopefully maintain with inflation (and fingers crossed even grow in value) but also to ensure it’s a nice decent place but not too extravagant or something that can be financially stressful.

What am I doing wrong? I have a BF (came to me October last year as the zoo where I worked closed down) sharing a reasonably sized aviary, with two other smaller parrots. He's bonded with me and very hormonal right now so I'm trying to keep my distance. He gets on politely with the other birds. They get fresh browse every other day, lots of cardboard, baffle cages, I hang up bunches of grass with seeds on, and there are large potted bamboo plants that I rotate regularly so they can destroy them. They are on a not-ideal diet, Johnson & Jeff no. 1, but eat their veggies well and also get other wild foraged plants in addition to the browse. I haven't had the time or energy to really work hard on changing the diet, though they're all happily eating a sweet potato mash (with loads of good veggies mixed in) like BirdTricks encourages for improving diet, so we're on the way to phasing out the seed mix, but it won't be happening any time soon.
Anyway, you probably guessed, he screams. Not like proper Amazon noises, just AH AH AH AH AH!! This is pretty much only in the morning, he's pretty quiet in the daytime, but as they're out in an aviary, it starts ridiculously early with the sun. I have to take out all the food bowls at night and put them back out in the morning or we get mice explosions. So I'm getting up before dawn, putting their food out, then going back to bed. He can easily start AH AH AH at 5:30am right now and we live on a housing estate so it's causing me massive anxiety. I go back to bed in the spare room in the morning as it's on the other side of the house, and I wear earplugs. That way I don't stay awake panicking the neighbours are going to turn up and kill me/him. I knew he would be loud and I've been offered and turned down a lot of different birds over the years, even though I loved working with them, because I like the quiet life. I'm a tortoise keeper- go figure!
Other than bringing him in at night and putting him out at a reasonable screaming time (which I think he won't tolerate once he realizes what's happening), is there anything else I can do? Is it just hormones and I need to ride it out? He got a lot of attention for screaming at the zoo but we absolutely ignore it here and just leave the area if he starts. So we haven't reinforced the screaming with attention since last winter, but clearly that's not what's reinforcing to him.
Thanks in advance for any advice.

The concept of LGBTQI+ should be an ideological issue that is a personal choice protected by the 1st Amendment to the Bill of Rights under the United States Bill of Rights of the United States Constitution Clause granting Americans the Freedom of Expression. The freedom to express sexual desires and preferences should be and is clearly allowed to American citizens. It is an important ideological standpoint and a freedom that most countries in the world do not have a right to enjoy sadly.
However, the main concern is, why can’t the sexual preferences of the LGBTQI+ community remain private without impacting vulnerable individuals such as the American youth. For example, I’m a straight heterosexual male and I do not discuss my sexual preferences and/or desires unless I’m engaged in a private and intimate conversation with my partner of the night. Similarly, I do not voice my personal sexual orientation for the whole neighborhood to hear not do I advertise it on television nor do I promote it through products and/or services associated with by businesses. That would be unjust because it would create a bias.
Similarly, Corporate America should stay out of this subject. There is no need to use millions of dollars in corporate advertising to unjustly bias our American youth who have had no chance to fully develop their mental capacity to make an unbiased choice regarding their sexuality. We do not need children’s LGBTQI+ swimsuits because sex is legally reserved for adults only and we also do not need transsexuals mass advertising alcohol to minors watching television because alcohol is also reserved for adults only.
In fact, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis along with the Florida legislation have been very proactive on this issue. Florida House Bill 1557, also known as the “Don’t Say Gay” Bill, states that parents have the right to sue the school district if their child is exposed to instruction on sexual orientation or gender identity deemed not “age-appropriate.”
There seems to be an intentional and hidden agenda by the elite to corrupt and brainwash our American youth prior to giving them a chance to develop their mental capacity to the point of making rational and independent decisions regarding their personal preferences in life. Not fair and very nefarious.
As always, please provide your insight, opinions, questions, and/or comments.
Articles:
https://floridaphoenix.com/2022/03/08/despite-nationwide-outcry-fl-senate-pushes-through-dont-say-gay-bill/
https://nypost.com/2023/05/25/target-loses-8b-in-week-since-boycott-calls-over-pride-collection/amp/
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12120649/amp/Anheuser-Busch-lost-staggering-15-7-BILLION-value-Bud-Light-controversy-began.html

I (23M) probably broke the once close relationship I had with my mom after being referred to as ‘a horrible son’. When I was around 8, my parents divorced and my life and by the age of 10, usually consisted of me, my dad, his new wife, and my 1 year old younger half sister while my mom was busy working jobs. Although I will credit my mom for being a great co parent and a mother, she had her flaws. They divorced on good terms but she really resented him after.
To break these down and get to the main part, I’ll speed these parts up. When I was 14, my mom started seeing this girl, who was a fairly nice looking girl for her age. It wasn’t that really long until they started hitting it off. When I turned 15, my dad passed away by a heart attack. I fell into a depression and I’m still fighting these demons now. While my mom didn’t have any care for her ex husband, she didn’t acknowledge my pain as her son that is going through loosing his own father.
It was most dad’s wife, who’ll I’ll call Krystie who helped me through it. She was like a second mom to when I first met her at 10 years old. Seeing her mourn, I felt connected and could relate to her through our same loss of losing someone so dear to us. And typing this, that was what made us so close.
Back to SM, she wasn’t necessarily a bad person, neither was my mom. I had more closer relationship with my mom than SM. SM always tried to get close to me but it was like we didn’t know how to connect to each other. And to be honest, I missed it when it was just me and my mom. But that’s my mom life and I agreed to myself that I won’t meddle with her happiness.
Fast forward to last week, I was given the privilege to speak at my college graduation after receiving top scores and having multiple scholarships. My whole family was happy and they all attended. During my speech, I briefly mentioned my mom and Krystie, thanking them and stating that they both were like mothers to me and I wouldn’t be the person I am today without them. While reading my speech, I looked up to see my family and I got the most disgusted look from mom and SM.
When I got to mom’s house, she had put me on blast for not mentioning my SM, saying how hurt SM is for not even being mentioned or acknowledged. She also said SM sacrificed so much for me when she had never done squat. SM also started going after Krystie and said how she’s also just a step mom to me and she shouldn’t get these exceptions and better treatment. What crossed the line was talking about dad but I won’t say, all I can say it ended with me now staying with Krystie and helping with my half sister.
Edit: I wrote in originally in notes app

I'm not sure if I should get right to it it, or tell you a little bit about myself and my successes...
Let me say this....I have NO business having the job I have, but I have it and am doing well....so much so that it has lead to another interview (tomorrow morning) for a job that I don't need, but would like because I'll be further rewarded heavily for my hobby. It will be working for literally the biggest companies in the world as an advisor...advising about things I enjoy...like tin foil hat type stuff.
Now, that said, I had another recent event where a friend tracked me down - I sold my old company and my phone number went with it. It's the perfect time for me to sell my house to him and have him build me a new one on some acreage that I've wanted for some time. He builds estate mansions, but I think I'd like to start a tiny home business with him too...but, I digress.
I am very excited to be living the life I live...I currently live on a beautiful resort and met my girlfriend of three years here (she was my next door neighbour, lol). My energy field reaches past the bed next door, so it's always interesting when someone moves in - especially if it's a female. I'm faithful as hell, so get your minds out of the gutter. I told my Shaman that I don't want to do life alone, and he said to just ask...(I can't tell you who (or what), unless you REALLY need to know).
Now, I've been studying, reading, teaching ways to manifest (or essentially beat the matrix) for quite some time. I'll never take your money. No one should who does this kinda thing. They should be rolling in it. So, I just want you to listen...
Before I get to the gold, consider reading Energy Levels by Fredrick Dodson. Considering grasping the double slit theory and the implications therein...consider cymatics and the connecting to sound (or Nada Yoga)...getting into different vibrations gamma, beta , alpha of the mind is somewhat key...gateway process.
Here it is...and you're going to laugh...listen to Gregorian Chants that contain multiple notes (4, 5, etc). If you can find one with 7, please let me know, since you'll be getting into Nikola Tesla territory.
You can either sit with it, or try to go through what your trying to manifest. Look up Brian Tracy's visualization video for a method that's quick, concise and accurate.
And, lastly, I'm not responsible for whereever this information takes you. I'm not. Any karma generated here - none it comes back to me. Kapeesh?

Using an alt for personal reasons & TLDR at bottom
A little background: I traveled 5 hours to stay with an old friend We have never been romantically interested previously, and haven’t spent any meaningful time communicating over the past 6-7 years.
Over the death of a friend we reconnected, and on a whim I went to stay with him up north for the long weekend.
We spent the first night hanging, chatting, and gaming. When it came time to lay down we shared a bed. We were both tossing and turning all night, a restless sleep. I could certainly feel the sparks and I think he could too, but neither of us were ready to make the first move.
After a long while we both finally snagged some sleep, but when morning finally came the sparks that came with it were even brighter.
I felt drawn to him and positioned myself right at his lips, but I hesitated. At this moment he closed the distance and we shared a long, passionate kiss. We spend the entire day in bed together joking with each other, talking about life, and making love.
It’s my second day here and he is sleeping peacefully beside me. He has shown himself to be a kind, and attentive lover. His words of affirmation give me goosebumps and sets a fire inside of me.
The refrigerator full of groceries, the extra toiletries, and all the other accommodations he went out of his way to make happen for my short visit speak volumes toward his character.
The way he gently loves and cares for his cats just makes me smile so much.
I am 30 and have wanted so long to feel cared for like this. To be looked after by such a gentle yet strong man. A man with a darkness in his heart to match my own.
I am dreading our farewell, I don’t want this to end. I didn’t expect to hear the word “love” in my head over and over again. It feels like madness creeping in.
My work isn’t transferable, and he owns his house. So we are both stuck in our own towns.
He also doesn’t know, maybe, that I feel this way. And I don’t know if I should tell him.
Long distance? That sounds sad and more lonely than being single as long as I have already been. Even now as he sleeps I long for his touch. I love the gentle moans he makes as I rub his back between thoughts while typing this.
To call him “my love” and not have these things everyday would just be too painful.
I’m just posting my thoughts before he wakes up so I can’t hopefully spend the rest of our time here unburdened by the impending farewell.
TLDR: I fell in love for the first time with someone who lives 5 hours away and long distance sounds too painful.

My girlfriend recently went to a very packed convention with a mutual friend of ours. I had gone with them both last year, but the convention organizers put no limits on ticket sales, not prepared for the increase in interest post-pandemic.
It was honestly a miserable time for me. I don’t enjoy waiting in lines, and we spent more than an hour waiting to get into the parking lot, then another two and a half hours waiting to get into the building. After that it was fine, but we’re still talking four+ hours of waiting.
This year I decided not to go, knowing that I wouldn’t enjoy it enough to be worth the lines. I did drive them there and back
The issue came when I arrived to pick them up. I called to let them know that there was a massive (easily 100+ cars) lineup coming out of the place, but I’d found a parking spot directly outside. From where I was parked, they had walk about 500 meters down the road and then I could avoid us having to wait in that line to get out. She was not a fan of this and complained, but I told her there was no way we were waiting in that line.
I could see the lineup moving from where I was parked, but because it was a left-turn through multiple lanes of traffic there was maybe a car per minute making it out. This would have EASILY been an hour wait, if not longer.
She did walk it, but was very annoyed at having to do so and was quiet on the car ride home.
One thing to note is that she WAS wearing uncomfortable shoes while walking around all day; I had warned her to wear more comfortable shoes for walking around all day, but she went with them to go with her outfit. She was also carrying several bags from things she bought that day.
This is a petty issue, and our relationship isn’t being impacted here, we just couldn’t agree on it and wanted some collective feedback on if I’m actually in the wrong here or if she is.

This is the best tl;dr I could make, original reduced by 76%. (I'm a bot)

DUBAI, United Arab Emirates - The Taliban and Iran exchanged heavy gunfire Saturday on the Islamic Republic's border with Afghanistan, killing and wounding troops while sharply escalating rising tensions between the two countries amid a dispute over water rights.
Iran's state-run IRNA news agency quoted the country's deputy police chief, Gen. Qassem Rezaei, accusing the Taliban of opening fire first Saturday morning on the border of Iran's Sistan and Baluchestan province and the Afghan province of Nimroz.
"The border forces of the Islamic Republic of Iran will decisively respond to any border trespassing and aggression, and the current authorities of Afghanistan must be held accountable for their unmeasured and contrary actions to international principles," IRNA quoted Iran's police chief, Gen. Ahmadreza Radan, as saying.
The clash comes as Iranian President Ebrahim Raisi earlier this month warned the Taliban not to violate Iran's water rights to the Helmand River.
Raisi's remarks represented some of the strongest yet over the long-running concerns about water in Iran.
While not directly accepting the Taliban government, Iran has maintained relations with Afghanistan's new rulers.

Summary Source FAQ Feedback Top keywords: Iran^#1 Taliban^#2 border^#3 Iranian^#4 Afghanistan^#5
Post found in /worldnews.
NOTICE: This thread is for discussing the submission topic. Please do not discuss the concept of the autotldr bot here.

May 2023 Federal Election - Crikey's Winners and Losers

The May 2023 Federal Election is all wrapped up, and Australia has seen the return of BellmanTGM as Prime Minister, where he is likely hoping to serve more than 21 days as he did in February 2018. We saw a joint ticket run by ANCAP and LNP, and a surge of independent success! Crikey is here to dissect the results, and look at the winners, the losers, and the bronze medal winners.

Winner: Australian National Capitalist Anti-Authoritarian Party

House Result: 5 Seats (+3), 21.7% (+14.2) Senate Result: 2 Seats (+2), 55.2%* (+6.1) ± February 2023 Election *Joint ticket run with LNP, changes from last election is combined LNP+ANCAP vote.
Without a doubt, the resounding winner of the May 2023 Federal Election was the Australian National Capitalist Anti-Authoritarian Party. Picking up 5 house seats, and 21.7% of the national house vote, they have more than doubled their house representation, and increased their national vote more than any other party this election. Post-election, they gained a seat from Cookie_Monster765 who resigned from the leadership of the Commonwealth Party to sit as an independent, but this was short-lived, and he now serves Sydney as an ANCAP MP. Gaining confidence and supply from Independent MPs in porridge (Brisbane), and riley8583 (Cowper), ANCAP are enjoying a single party cabinet, severing their coalition with the LNP. Speaking of the LNP, ANCAP ran a joint ticket from the LNP, gaining their first 2 senators, and ending the left dominated senate, which will create significant legislative ease in passing the government's agenda. Also surprisingly, historical left leaning figures such as jq8678 have been prominent MPs for ANCAP, with an upset victory in “Magnificent” Moncrieff. jq8678 has previously served as a Social Democrat Minister, and was a founding member of the Green Left Party in 2021, but appears committed to the cause of "Freedom and Liberty".

Loser: Commonwealth Party of Australia

House Result: 2 Seats (-5), 10.7% (-20.6) Senate Result: 1 Seats (-1), 19.6% (-12.7) ± February 2023 Election
As ANCAP were resounding winners, the Commonwealth Party was the resounding losers of the May 2023 Federal Election. More than halving their house representation, and losing a third of their national vote in the house was a shocking election result. Safe seats like Melbourne fell due to the lack of a presence from incumbent buttsforpm. Hotham was another loss, however the extremely active BellmanTGM was an tough match for incumbent Adiaus. The two seats won by the Commonwealth Party were Sydney and Lingiari, in relatively non-competitive contests.
However the biggest lost for the Commonwealth Party didn't even occur at the ballot box. After these election results, Leader Cookie_Monster765 resigned and left the party. Their remaining MP, Jordology505 was next in line for leader, but after being elected for 5 hours he resigned, leaving the CPA without any house representation. Their final MP MLastCelebration is now leader but questions surround the longevity of the party. Another active member, former MP Adiaus jumped a possibly sinking ship with Jordology505 in order to join the newly formed Australian Labour Party, which brings us to the next winner of the election.

Winner: A United Left

We don't have election results for this, but after what can be described as a disappointing result for the Socialists, they have merged with the left leaning members of the Commonwealth Party to form a centre-left Australian Labour Party. Socialist Leader TheSensibleCentre stepped down from the leadership of the new party, with Jordology505 heading the party, followed by Adiaus as Deputy and model-slater as Party Chair. A party that can now concentrate a focus on the right wing government is a win for a united, and previously struggling left. While some may point out that Country Labor Party still exists, it understood there is an agreement between the parties to maximise electoral efficiency and not have left of centre candidates in competitive races against each other.

Winner: Independents

House Result: 3 Seats (+2), 17.4% (+10.0) ± February 2023 Election
If all the Independents were one party, the Independents would be the second largest party in parliament! While their election result was a success, this was strengthened by the defection of porriidge to the crossbench, increasing their total to 4 seats. However it's a good thing that independents aren't one party, because showstealer1829 took to twitter to let porriidge know that "F*** off. We [The crossbench] don't want you." Make of that what you will! However, a solid increase in the independent's vote and representation in the house, and with 2 independents providing C&S to the government, independents will be having a large say in how our nation will be governing over the following term. A win for independents, and likely a win for their respective electorates as they create a list of demands from the government!

Bronze Medal: Country Labor

House Result: 2 Seats (+1), 14.9% (+5.3) Senate Result: 1 Seats (-), 9.0% (+2.4) ± February 2023 Election
Crikey has a new award to hand out, the Bronze Medal! As the name suggests, these groups didn't suffer a loss, but it couldn't be called an outright win. The Country Labor Party enjoyed the comeback gain of long term MP for Capricornia, ARichTeaBiscuit, and the hold of Denison for Inadorable (who is definitely NOT a communist). While the House Result does look impressive, it is an inflated figure given that the CLP tend to run in populous rural seats, and national polls during the campaign have CLP support around 2.5%. CLP Leader Gregor_The_Beggar was re-elected once again, continuing his tenure as Senator for NSW since July 2020. While the CLP are not the political force they once were under the Greens-CLP Government, they aren't disappearing anytime soon, and this election confirmed such.

Loser: Income Taxation

The May 2023 Election has brought a party into government that seeks the eventual abolition of income taxation and a Senate controlled by the ANCAP and LNP. The previous LNP-ANCAP Government failed to get a large tax cut through parliament last term, due to the left wing senate, and it is almost certain that a similar package will be introduced and this time probably passed. Income Taxation is a loser of this election!

Bronze Medal: Liberal National Party

House Result: 3 Seats (-2), 14.9% (-12.3) Senate Result: 3 Seats (+1), 55.2%* (+6.1) ± February 2023 Election *Joint ticket run with ANCAP, changes from last election is combined LNP+ANCAP vote.
Prime Minister Griffonomics set out to "Sack the Senate" and undoubtedly that is what he has done. The Senate has been swept by the Right, holding 5/8 seats, and paving the way, finally for a right wing legislative agenda. However Griffonomics will not be at the helm for this agenda, and not even on the government benches as the ANCAP have revealed an entire ANCAP cabinet, relying on the support of independents rather than the LNP. While their Senate gains did not fall short of what the Liberal Nationals hope, they saw a loss of a few seats in the House, however the combined ANCAP-LNP seat total was still 8, the majority number. ANCAP became what many thought was just the senior party in government, with the LNP as a minority partner, but upon leaving the LNP, porriidge attributed it to the high likelihood that the LNP "would find itself in opposition".
If porridge's statement holds, this will shelve the left and centre onto the crossbench, with right wing parties holding government and opposition. It is hard to think there is much of the ANCAP agenda that the LNP would oppose, given their previous coalition, but it is surely disappointing for the LNP to lack a voice inside the new government. For the reason that the LNP have achieved perhaps policy goals, and "Sacked the Senate", but have failed to form government is the reason that Crikey awards them the 2nd Bronze Medal of this article.
That's all from us folks. he next term is hopefully one full of newsworthy things to write about, or we'll be out of a job! We hope you enjoyed today's article, please let us know!! (Also if you see any errors I am very tired)

I bought a house in the middle of the woods. It was cheap for its almost perfect place in nature and I would be a mad man if I even hesitated to think about buying it back then.
Sure, some may say that it is haunted or cursed, but I do not believe in the paranormal and with that I had nothing to lose. In the few decades I have lived here, nothing strange occured. I have been minding my own business, harnessing crops and vegetables for my own survival. I always liked the thought of a simplistic lifestyle and no connection to the outside world. I even insisted that the previous owners leave the key on the doorstep, so I would not meet them. I do not like other people. I do not even remember the last time I spoke to one.
I usually go on a walk at midnight. I only have to sleep for about. hours a day. I don‘t know when I adapted this skill, it feels like I have been doing it forever. I love to see the stars that shine brighter than I have always seen them when I was living somewhere else. Out here, in the middle of nowhere, no light dares to fight against the stars. It is beautiful out here and the warnings of a beast that roams the forest make me giggle sometimes. The Beauty out here would not allow some deformed creature.
My strolls usually take two hours, but recently I have been increasing it. I was feeling very awake and not tired at all, so I decided that I would take a different route as before because I was able to observe my surroundings sharply. As I was looking to my left I saw a dense cloud of fog that invited me for an adventure off course.
As I walked into much deeper fog, I noticed that the ground becam softer and wetter. Whenever my shoes touched the ground a sound of wet dirt was released. I did not have to think about what this mysterious area was, I knew that the area I lived in used to be moor, but due to forestation, it became less interesting.
Now I might admit that I got scared when I heard leaves and grass rattle in the distance. It was not loud, but it was the only thing I could hear. The wind was taking a break and the fog rose out of the wet earth without making a sound. The rattling had all my focus and I stood still for a second. My mind was completely surprised by this sound. I knew that whatever it was, it was tall enough to make the leaves shake. Maybe it was the beast that I was warned about.
I am no normal person, I admitted that already. My first instinct was not to run away and get home safely, but it was to attack. I knew where the sound came from and I was wide awake, so I just sprinted towards it, almost falling into the mud. It started running too, but I was faster.
I jumped and threw the beast onto the peat. The entire ground shook. A cloud obstructing the moon made it impossible to see what monster was now screaming in my face, but it did not take long before I could see it. I could already hear its heartbeat and I smelled its fear. It smelled good.
I tried to say something to it, but since I have not done so in years, my voice was just a complete mess. As it screamed, I noticed that it was just a boy, a human. I let him go and shivered in fear. I looked into a puddle of water next to me and saw my reflection.
Magenta eyes on a deformed face stared back. It took me a moment to realize that there really was a creature in the woods.
It was me.

I'm waiting for test results, but I most likely have brain cancer. So far, my only symptom is recurrent headaches, so I'm fully functional. I'm 42 yo, common law married, and no kids. I live in Quebec.
My job is permanent and comes with full benefits, including health insurance. I'll get 100% of my salary for the first year and 80% after that. I also have life insurance through my employer, which will pay a year of salary to my husband (about 75k), and my DB pension plan will go to him too.
I have a mortgage with my husband (200k left, house is worth 300k). My car is leased until october, with a very low payment. I have a small LOC that I pay back monthly, with a very low interest rate (same as my mortgage). No other debt. We have sickness and life insurance on the mortgage, and my husband can afford our house and everything else on his income fairly easily.
No other life insurance. I have a small savings account and a small RRSP from a former employer, worth about 30k together. I have a list of my accounts and passwords for my husband, in case he has to take over our finances quickly, but everything is up to date right now.
My only other responsibilities are my pets (a cat, a dog, and a horse). I'll have to make plans for them.
I'll need to make a will ASAP and a living will. Everything goes to my husband. I'm not close to my family and do not wish them to have anything.
What am I missing?

First time posting and on a mobile, so please forgive me.
So my mother was not a nice person to me. She was very abusive my whole life.. she used to cuss up enough to make a sailor blush. One day she was in a extra foul mood and she called me a Son of a Bitch….. I saw my cue and decided I was going for gold and stated “ you know what Mom, you are Right…. I am” as her jaw hit the flooring I walked away. After that she watched very carefully what she called me. And she was a less angry person. I learned not to let what she said bother me.

I'm looking for any upcoming community yard sales I might be able to join, or even if someone knows a location that I might be able to set up a yard sale. My roommate and I have a bunch of stuff we want to try and sell before we move, but we live in an apartment so we don't have a yard to set up shop in.

Part 1
I stood up, awaken from my sleep from the knocking sound on the elevator door. My friends stood up with me as we all heard it. The sound of banging became so much louder. Giggling can be heard with it. What's behind the door is unknown and I'd rather not face it than die to this thing. In the edges of the door, thin fingers began to seep through it. Such horrible looking fingers. I watched the door getting turned into a broken mess. Something grabbed my hand and I saw it was Rishika's. I looked at her and saw fear and sadness on her face.
Questioning death can be answered by judgement, revenge, luck, curse, or just nothing. The concept fate over people sounds so simple that people think that it's ok that fate exists. Is it ok if I was in this situation? What if one of your loved ones died right in front of you by a murderer? You won't like it and you'd definitely blame god for that.
The door is beginning to make an opening. Sweat rapidly runs down on my forehead. My eyes widened with terror as I see the creature's face. It's as accurately described from the documentary. Its teeth shines like bright white marbles and its eyes are like melted butter. The creature's face slowly gets closer, while we stepped far back until there's no space for us to move anymore.
I can feel the cold shivering breath from its mouth. The breath that smells empty. From what I've heard, it's much stronger than the one we just ran away from. Ronald immediately punches the creature's face with his metallic fist. Steam pulses out from the gaps of it. He kept punching at it again and again but to no avail. It still not injured nor shown any pain. He only manages to recoil it farther back.
With a one quick slice, Ronald's hands fell to the ground. His scream was painful and terrifying to hear. I can see his face was in pain. Eyes widened with tears flowing down to his cheek. "Ronald!!" I heard Billy screamed out loud. Of course, this doesn't make any difference as the creature slowly crept closer and closer to us. I witness Ronald dying with his sockets bleeding so much blood. His eyes faded of life. If only he hadn't try to kill it out of bravery, he would've lived longer with us before our lives are taken away.
Its jaw started to open. The sounds of bone cracking can be heard within its teeth. The smile on its face grew more and more eerie. It laughs like a maniac ready to pounce on their victims. Such insanity can break people's minds with a laugh. I froze in place by the laugh. There's nowhere else me and my friends can escape from. What else can we do. Our weapons are futile here and this creature is far beyond comprehension.
Its many arms spread around the elevator room, trying to grab us with its menacing hands. We're going to die here and that's that. This would've been a goodbye to the world. I don't know the dead world in this universe. Many different universes should have a different afterlife. Here, I don't think there's a safe place after death.
Then, something happened right in front of our eyes. The creature was being pulled back by something. Something inside the darkness. I can hear it's the same women who saved me from the pale face. We couldn't see anything in the darkness but Billy's flames can surely help us along the way. I took his flamethrower and a torch. Lighting up the torch with it carefully. Not wanting to burn us. Turning off the flamethrower, I lighted the area with my torch in hand and saw them clashing each other with blade like arms.
We stepped out of the elevator with Ronald's dead body on Cody's arms. Why would Cody keep holding on to him for? He's already dead and there's no way for us to say a better goodbye. I guess maybe he wanted to bury him somewhere which I honored that idea.
She cuts the jaw of the creature that it screams the way a person should. I can see the whole body of the creature. It was humanoid and tall. About 9 feet tall and its body is dark skeletal human. It grabbed her with its large hand and threw her off into the wall. She crushes onto the wall with such heavy force. A groan can be heard from her before a blade penetrates through her abdomen. Her screams are both man and woman at the same time.
It's horrifying to hear someone scream like that if they're just human. In fact, it'll be much terrifying if she'd sounded like millions of voices.
She grabbed its face with her free arm and tears its face off. Its eyes bounces to the ground with a flesh grinding mush sound. The screams that came from within its voice box made a deafening pain in our ears that we both covered them with our hands.
The woman digs her sharp fingers into the creature eye sockets with the sound of digging flesh. She then splits its head with the pull of her hands. Black and bloody flesh spread onto the walls and ground. One of its discarded flesh landed on my shoe. My stomach twists and turns. Watching her brutally kill it while flesh and blood spills. I gagged, watching her 3 fingered hands dig into its throat and pulled out its large heart.
Geralt vomited to the ground, spilling the acid from his stomach. That didn't bother me. Instead I watched her feast on the heart. The sound of chewing on flesh and blood made me sick to my stomach from an imaginary smell of rotten flesh. The creature's body slowly melts away to the ground. Rendering it to be dead into a puddle of flesh and bone. There's now nothing left of it. Just a puddle.
"Holy shit." With just one word came out from Billy's mouth, the woman turns her head to look at us. Her eyes seemingly looked bright and harmless. Not sure whether or not if this is a tactic to hunt or it's really her instinct. The familiar color of her right eye caught my attention.
She fell to the ground with a big gap in her abdomen. Heavy breaths came out from her voice as she slowly gets back up on her feet. The light from my torch reveals her hoodie to be grey and the gap in her abdomen slowly began to heal itself. Small tendrils from the sides of the gap stitching back together.
I stepped back, giving ourselves space in order for us to escape if she'd attack us. I held my hammer high and so does my friends with their weapons. "Darwin wait!" Did I just heard her say my name? I didn't know what to do or how to react. Either it's just a hallucination or trickery. "How did you know my name?" I asked with the fear in my voice.
"I uh. I just guessed I suppose." Her eyes were on the dead Ronald in Cody's arms. She looked saddened by it. Even grieved. She shook her head and went back to to us with a clear voice. "But that doesn't matter. You all need to get out of here before he gets here."
"Who's he?" Geralt asked with both curious and nerving tone in his voice. Her eyes are widened in fear. An expression I never thought she could do and feel about. "Cain. He's coming here and you all need to get out of here."
I've heard about Cain before. You might know this story from a book. It's about 2 brothers, sons of Adam and Eve. Abel being the most favored man of god, while Cain being the least favorite and jealous. Cain killed his brother out of jealousy. God is not happy about this and he casted him away with a curse. He's just a man. Maybe who she was saying was someone who is also named Cain.
"How are we supposed to get out?" Said Cody.
"I can help you get out. We just need to go outside and find the pool of clean water. But, it'll be far away, so we need to hurry up." She walked passed us quickly in a hurry. Billy was going to ask but I lay his shoulders, giving him a metaphor of saying no. Of course, he grunted from that. Rishika gave a face wash to Geralt. He gladly takes it and wipes his mouth and stained jacket.
We followed her through the hallways of the darkness. Our torches lighted brightly around the darkness. I was behind the woman whose guiding us to the exit. I haven't thought of asking her name. For someone like her, she should have. The voids blood doesn't seem to affect her mind but I don't think that's really the case.
The image of her blue eyes makes me recollect the memories of my long distant past. I still don't understand. How could she be so familiar to me, even know my name. We never met each other and we're from different worlds. Either it could be she had mind reading powers or just a simple guess. "Thanks for saving us back there. What's your name."
"My name's..." She looked unsure as to what to say or even know her name. I think she was hiding her true identity which I can understand that. Hiding your own identity from other people is a good way to keep yourself safe. But you needed to plan and design your own disguise. You need to come up with a story that doesn't give confusion or any cracks for people to get suspicious. Famous people like movie stars or scientist or anybody related to that stuff mostly do this to avoid getting attention.
With a warm and calm voice, she answered. "My name is Enid."
"Sounds good. Why did you save us? How are you still in control of yourself?"
"I saved you because I wanted to save you all. I was never the kind of hero or something but I still have the heart to save you all. And I'm losing a bit of my strength holding myself together. Everyday, I have to eat the creatures here. You've encountered them before. If I don't eat them, I'm going to turn into them. Turn into the void. But the more I eat, the closer I'm going to turn myself in. I'm glad you guys are safe, but I feel bad to see your friend die. Sorry that I'm too late to save all of you in one piece."
"Yeah. Wished he had enough time for you to arrive. He was a brave and cool friend to have a part of the team. He's always telling stories about greek gods and mythologies. He's a boxer too. I think he would consider you to be one of us."
"Really?"
"Yeah, of course. He kinda sometimes look scary to me in the night but he's a really good man." Geralt joins with us with a nervous look on his face. His eyes are tired as ours but they're wide enough for us to see his shining eyes. Enid returned smile on her face, but it faded away quickly in a short amount of time.
We finally left the building safely with her guidance. The bright shining sky brightens around us. Giving us the comfort of our safety. But still, we grieved the death of Ronald. Billy grieved the most out of everyone else. He kept muttering all over and over while we were following Enid. His mutterings, from what I can hear are apologize. "Billy. It's not your fault. I think he knew as well."
"No it is. I kept saying mean and horrible things to many of you but mostly it's on him. I just wanted him to think I'm strong and all. I'm lost Darwin. And I shouldn't have said those awful things. All I want was to show you all that I'm strong. But look at me. I'm bloody weak and I can't do anything to protect you all. All I can do is to just stand still and spout bullshit."
He began sobbing so terribly that it shocks me to my core. His face turning red and he fell to his knees, unable to stand back up. We all stopped to try to at least give him the comfort we wanted give him. We've never seen him in such a state like this. Throughout our times together, he always acts like a jerk but now he's crying right in front of us. I didn't know what else to do except to sit down next to him. Ronald's body is now pale in Cody's arms. His eyes were shut.
"I know how it feels, Billy." Rishika, already knelt down in front of Billy, said with a warm tone in her voice. This has got to be the 3rd or 4th time I've heard her say a full sentence. Either way, it was encouraging. Billy doesn't seem to be able to reply. None of us does. "I used to be harsh and cruel to others because I wanted them to accept me. But I was wrong because that's not how it works. We can both change together. It's ok to be on your good side. It won't be too bad. I think Ronald would like that too."
"Look at me. Do I look like I can?"
"We all can. It's just how we grow in life."
"I don't know. Ronald's dead and I'm left to be the one who carries his death on my back. I don't think he'll ever forgive me."
"No. We don't know that. But what matters is that you move on instead of staying behind. I know it's hard but you have to if you want to change. It's ok to be scared. We're all scared."
"Yeah. Even me too. I get scared a few times but that doesn't mean that others will look down on me." Geralt stutters a bit in his voice but kept the strength to say those words.
"Same here. Even that I'm this, I'm still scared too." Enid joins in with a sad look on her face. For someone like her, I thought she never felt fear. I guess there are others like her can feel that way.
I wanted to tell him something too. Something that feels connecting to each other that I don't want him to be left alone. "You don't have to do this alone. I'm scared too and that's alright because that's human. We can help you Billy. You're our friend. And I think Ronald would consider you as a friend too."
Billy wipes his tears away with his sleeve. We all sat there for a few seconds before Cody lays his hand on his shoulder, which makes Billy hug him back. "It's ok. We're here." Ronald's body lay on the boulder 5 feet away from us. Cody reaches his arms as a gesture for us to join in. We all did. So is Enid. I didn't think anything else but to be on Billy's side.
Suddenly, our moment was interrupted by a thunderous noise came out of nowhere. Enid's eyes are widened in terror. The world around us shook from the thunder. In the sky, the small clouds started to turn from grey to the color of blood. Enid jumps right up, catching a look above as we all stare into the sky. What I saw gave me enough imagination to fear whatever the unknown has.
Large gigantic shining eyes watch over the world below us from the sky. Its pupils are too big that they nearly reached the edge of their sockets. The grin of that thing gave me enough horror to freeze in my tracks. How nightmarish it is to see a gigantic abomination such as this in the morning and night. People would definitely scream and run all over the place while the cloud's face watches over them like a eldritch god.
By the time I stepped back, it turned its menacing eyes towards me. I felt like it was staring into my soul. My very soul in my body. Its own saliva dripping from its mouth. Hungry for our souls. It didn't move nor spoke a word. Thunderous noises kept coming from the abomination. They were red lightning and menacing. If people get hit by them, I'm pretty sure they'll turn into whatever nightmarish flesh creature they'll turn into.
"Guys! We have to go! There's not much time!" Edin ran and so we followed. Cody picked up Ronald's body with us. Billy gained back his strength to run. And I slowly started to run as I kept staring at its menacing eyes. It doesn't leave me alone. I don't see it following me or do anything than to smile with evil intentions. This is different than the ones we encountered. Not because of their looks. It's because I knew its intentions and the void creatures, I don't.
A great thunderous red beam shot out from the abomination's mouth and a loud boom can be heard far away from us. The sound snapped me out and I began to run as fast as I can, trying to keep up the pace of my friends and Enid.
Nothing else happened as we run to our exit. The thunderous noises kept booming around us as the clouds above slowly turned into blood red. A drop of rain hit my forehead. I touched it with my finger tip and saw blood. The rain is full of blood. I nearly slipped to the ground but my jacket was caught by Geralt. "Don't worry Darwin! I got you!" He pulled me up and ran.
The feeling of getting closer to something crept inside my chest that I began to feel the sensation of hope. Hope is said to be for the weak but I say otherwise. Hope may be a blind way to believe in something but sometimes it can be true to which we reach to something we can achieve.
Enid stopped in her tracks. There, right in front of us, was a pool of clean water. It doesn't make sense. It's raining blood and there, at the pool, it's clean. Droplets of blood dripped into the pool, then faded away into the clean water. We were shocked to see the pool to be clean in the middle of a shower of blood. The atmosphere suddenly turned red. Dark red flames started emerging around the world. It's everywhere and I can hear the distant screams behind me. The screams are hard for me to explain. They're like mixed with many variety of species all together into a rhyme of symphony.
I turned around to see something dark falling from the sky above into the ground like a falling star. The world shakes beneath us. I knelt down to get balance as I kept watching the falling darkness land onto the world. Far away, a dark silhouette rises from the ground. It looked to be tall. I could guess it's 4 feet taller than us. My eyes can't see clearly due to the silhouette being too far away. More of them began to rise as more fell from the abomination.
I turned myself around, nearly losing my balance. Cody held Rishika by the arm and Billy knelt beside Geralt. Enid reached her hands out into the pool. Sparks of bright light emitted from her arms, spreading light around her. The pool began to slowly swirl into a vortex as the sparks of light began to increase. The harsh blow of the wind hits us, making me fall to the ground.
Then, a bolt of light sparked into life in Enid's grip. The bolt was so bright that I shielded my eyes from it. It's so that I won't get blinded by the light. I looked back to see that something is walking towards us from far away of our tracks. I don't know if it's just me hallucinating or if it's really real. I think I can hear laughter. A humane laughter. It's like it came from a demon king. The dark silhouettes at the sky fly around with their wings.
Their wings are of a bat and their body was humanoid and blood red. Their mouths are menacingly enough to make me push myself away from it as far as I can. It shrieks so loudly that I can hear it from that distance. It began to fly towards us and its claws like a hawks are ready to grab one of us to feast on. I stood back up as the world turned still. I pulled out my hammer, ready to defend myself from it.
The demon nearly scratched my face before a bullet teared through the side of its brain. I turned my head to see Rishika, already wielding her sniper rifle. "I got you." She turned around and shot another bullet at another demon.
I heard a crushing noise coming from Cody. He slams his club right at a demons head, exploding it on impact. The demon wore an armor set of dark stones that could come from hell itself. It was carrying a blade that shines pure diamond. Geralt penetrating his spear at the demons chest, electrocuting it from a high voltage. "Holy shit! This is crazy!" A shout came from his voice. A voice of panic.
I turned around when I felt something was approaching me. There was a demon with 4 arms and held a large hammer, bigger than the one I wielded. Its face full of hatred that Its eyes glared into my soul. I quickly swung my hammer by the time it swings its own at me. Our hammers clashes together, making a loud slam around us. It swung again but I jumped away from its heavy blow. It's the good thing we had those boots. They're able to give us enough push to jump twice higher than the original person can.
I then swung my hammer directly at its face. I made impact as its face tears apart from the slam of my hammer. A crunching sound can be heard from its skull. Its head exploded into a pool of blood with scattered flesh and bones.
I landed on my feet and watched the world turned into the new hell as dark flames emitted everywhere around the buildings and the ground. More demons are rushing towards us in a pack. So many of them with many horrifying different forms. My body is shaking from the fear I had in me. I nearly dropped my hammer as sweat begins to appear on my hands. I bumped my back as I stepped behind. Geralt, Rishika, Cody, and myself are close together with our weapons in hand. They're all sweating with fear on their faces. There's too many of them for us to take them down. "Come on! Let's show those freaks what we're made of!" Shouted Geralt. By the times we raised our weapons and the demons now 10 feet away from us, a bright blue flame blazes the demons. They scream in pain and hatred as they slowly melted into a sludge of fried flesh.
"I'm not going to let those bloody fuckers take you all away from me!" Billy's face is mixed with fear and anger. Feeling very glad that he joined us. If not for him, we would be brutally killed by the horrifying demons. Then, a loud burst of water and electricity emerged from behind us. Enid faces us with wide eyes. "Get in now!"
"Will it take us home!?" Geralt asks with a panic in his voice. I can see the sweat pouring down on Enid's face as she stares back at us in a hurry. "No but it'll take you somewhere safe! Somewhere you can start a new life!"
Cody, with Ronald's body in his arms, is the first to get in the portal. By the time he jumps into the portal in the pool, a flash of blue energy can be seen emerging out of it. Then goes for Geralt. He was scared at first as he cowers back. "Will I be hurt if I fall?"
"Don't worry. You'll be fine." And so, he jumps in and flashes of light emerges out.
Then goes for Billy. He looked back at Enid for a moment before he jumps into the portal.
Lastly, Rishika stops near the edges of the pool. She turned around to see Enid with a hurried look on her face but also with relief. "Thank you Eddie." Then she jumps into the portal.
Did I just heard her right? Did she just said my lost friend's name. "What did she just say?"
She looked at me with a sad look in her blue eye. I felt a connection between us, as if we've known each other. I don't understand. Why would Rishika say his name. Enid is a woman to say the least or she's really something else. A sudden memory flashed before my eyes.
I remembered the time Eddie shape shifted into the Ice cream man. It was a time when we were young. We both got the ice cream we wanted just for free without anyone noticing. It was funny but also worrying because we could get caught. But that never happened and still felt funny every time I remember that day.
"Eddie? You're Eddie." She nodded in reply. A gesture of yes. Then, right in front of my eyes, she formed into a grown up version of Eddie. The Eddie I remembered. My heart felt shocked as to what I've just learned. I ran to her and hugged her deeply than I could've ever done. We both hugged for a moment until she gently pushes me off. Tears started to appear beneath my eyes. I don't know what I was feeling but what I can say was joy. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because I knew you would drag me with you If I tell you. You have to understand that I have to stay here. This is where I belong and I'm too dangerous to be with you."
"But we can figure things out together! We can go back to hanging out with each other! Play video games! Explore the world! Everything!"
"No Darwin. We can't. I'm a part of the void and I'm slowly losing myself. My left part of my face is nearly turning into the void."
"But we can fix that! We just need to find the answers to how we can get you better! I can't! I don't want to lose you again! I-"
"Darwin!" A shout came from his voice. I stopped with chills freezing behind my back. He looked at me in the eye with sadness. "I can't go back. I'm sorry I was never there for you when you graduated. I'm sorry for never waiting for you outside of school. I'm sorry for everything we could've done but we haven't! I have to save you. Even if it costs me my life. I don't want to lose you either. You have to go Darwin. There's nothing that can change my mind."
I thought I could finally bring him back. To do the things we've never have yet done. Here and now, this is our last time together. This is our last time to see each other again. He protected me wherever I go here. He saved me in order for me to live. I can't let him die here. I don't want him to be gone from me.
I hugged him tightly, not wanting to let go. Tears dripped down from his eyes and onto my head. I can feel the pain in my chest starting to rise but I didn't let go. "I'm sorry Darwin. You have to let me go. You can choose. I won't stop you."
He's right. I can't keep him with me. Throughout my life I wanted to see him again. Every night, I look out the window to see if he's there but there's no one but cars and houses. I can't keep doing this. I really have to let go. Tears pours rapidly beneath my eyes. I let go and wiped the tears from my face. "I guess this is a goodbye then."
A sad smile plastered on his face. The world around us slowly turned into darkness. The kind of darkness in hell. "It is Darwin. I'm so happy to see you again."
"Well oh well!! Look at what we have here!" A very modern European accent voice of a man emerged from the world before us. We turned to see a man with a worn off brown coat. His hat looked to be as old as the ancient times. And his face. His face made my stomach turn. Bandages wrapped around his face, except for his terrifying grin. His teeth rotten to the very core of his rotten body. I stepped behind Eddie with the hammer in my hands. The man grins much wider than I anticipated.
"You must be wondering. Who am I? Well. I'm the one and only, Cain. You might've heard me from a very recognizable book. Also, I'm afraid you two are coming with me. We have a lot to discuss and a ton of things to do together." With that, he started laughing like a total maniac. His herds of demons followed with a laugh.
"Goodbye Darwin." Eddie suddenly pushes me off into the bright blue vortex that'll be my exit. I took one last glimpse of Eddie standing before Cain. As I fell into the portal, I can hear the echoing laughter of Cain and his demons. I screamed out for Eddie but my voice was out of reach.
Then, I landed on my back on the ground. The portal disappeared before me. I quickly stood back up and reached to where the portal had opened. It was gone. I looked around to see that I'm on a hill. The dark blue night sky displayed above me with the stars shining above. My mind racing with thoughts and fear. Witnessing Eddie being alone to fight against the evil we are meant to escape from. I screamed into the sky as tears rapidly starts to appear. I fell to my knees onto the grass floor and slam my hands at the ground as I wept. I kept screaming and sobbing until I was too exhausted that I fell to the ground. I heard footsteps before me. There were many.
My body being picked up by Billy in the arm as he carries me with him. "Darwin. What happened?"
The only words I can say now were."He's gone."
​
It's been 2 years since we left that world. The world we now stand upon was nearly the same as ours. What I mean by nearly was that there are strange phenomenons happening nearly every month. A girl who can turn into a form of a robot and killed a cancerous beast in Queensland. A military war criminal who considers killing the supernatural as a job. Even the real life wendigo sightings are on the news papers. Still though, the place is still good in the morning. Except in the night, there are sometimes threats we don't know in the dark.
We built a team together, even gather some new friends along the way. Rishika grew to be more expressive and a lot more kinder to us. The time we killed a literal Bigfoot, she gave me a fist bump. Gave me a chuckle and a smile on my face.
Billy was getting better everyday. He responds to us with kind words than insults like before. After Cody had buried Ronald's body in a proper, he said his words of goodbye to him and gave him the picture he secretly held with him. It was a picture of us hanging out in a movie place. It's heart warming and depressing to witness what he did there.
Cody went off to work as a psychologist. He's still with us. It's just that he wanted to help people's mental health issues. He did really well on that one and he even gave us some advice for a change. I wouldn't consider mostly on his advice but some I can really try. That's also where he met the girl who can turn into a robot. We've met after the news broke out about an incident of a wild destruction at Queensland. Forgot to mention, we're at Australia. Just to let you all know where we are.
Finally, Geralt took pictures everywhere we go and writes down in his diary. The reason he does this is that we're in another world and thought he could take pictures of them and reflect on them. Sometimes we even got to have a photograph of us in the middle of the good times. He said it was to keep memories of our times together. A frame with a picture of literally us huddled together in a bright sunny day in Canberra.
Me? I was building a portal device, for me to teleport to different worlds. It's going to take a long time for me yes. Been building other things lately with Rishika too. Weaponry, gadgets, devices, and fixing stuff. I stuck around with my friends and we've made a great team. Made new friends along the way and learnt many things too.
2 years ago, after my moment of grief, I woke up from my exhausted moment to see my friends standing before me with a relief on their faces. I nearly cried by the picture of that moment. After that, we both watched tv together in my new bedroom inside of a hotel room. After Rishika finds a new home for us, we moved out to Melbourne Victoria as a new place of our home. We moved in to a farm house where there is a larger basement for us to do our stuff. We knew we had to get a job at this point, so we did what we can to find one. It's a good thing there's a city nearby.
Rishika, Geralt, Billy, and I took the job as being a part of an investigation of the paranormal. That's how we managed to meet up with a bunch of new friends.
I missed Eddie. I wished he could come with me and didn't have to die. But, I learnt that I can't drag him with me. He wanted to stay there. I can understand that. I know he's gone already. It's hard to let go. But sometimes we have to. To live out our lives well. I have to look forward. To better myself through experience.
This is my message to you. My readers.
You better to stay where you are now. Don't go to other universes. Because maybe, you'll end up in the most horrifying places you never want to go.

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Published on 2023-05-28 at 10:05 and published by ukrainska pravda. (1 minute)
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Source: draft resolution on approval of the decision of the National Security and Defence Council of Ukraine of 27 May 2023 "On the application of sectoral special economic and other restrictive measures (sanctions) against the Islamic Republic of Iran". According to the document, sanctions against the Islamic Republic of Iran are applied for a period of 50 years and include a complete ban on trade operations, suspension of transit of resources, flights and transportation in Ukraine and prevention of capital outflow by Iranian residents.

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Long story short, SD(12), who lives out of state and spends school holidays including summer here, got the wild idea that her BFF should spend the first week of summer here with her; and because BM wanted it to happen and BFF’s parents needed their ADHD child out of their hair while they move house, the plane tickets were purchased before we could say No.
So now I have two hyperactive 12-year-olds in my two-bedroom house. I’m literally drinking my coffee on the porch because there’s nowhere to be alone inside. I’m really not a kid person and I’m a true introvert, my social energy drains easily. I maxed out on their energy after about two hours yesterday: talking over each other, bickering, scream-singing, pestering me with questions and forcing me to watch YouTube.
On top of that, my husband and BM have been in all-out warfare for a week and I’ve been stuck watching all the drama unfold over the all-parents-and-stepparents group text. Then, I had to pick SD and BFF up from the airport by myself (due to unexpected and unavoidable circumstances) and BM tried to micromanage the pickup as some sort of power play?? She literally tried to make me get out of the car and meet the kids (and SD’s grandmom, who they flew with) at baggage claim. And I’m like, No, I’m in A CAR that’s ALREADY BLOCKING TRAFFIC, WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO GET OUT???
No to mention, husband has been all wound up all week because he’s been fighting with BM (and not getting his way), and because he doesn’t really want this kid here, and because he just always goes into an anxiety spiral before SD gets here; and now he’s pissed beyond belief at ME because I had the AUDACITY to point out that’s he’s been unnecessarily combative towards me and dismissive of my needs/thoughts/opinions.
I’m pretty sure I had a literal panic attack yesterday before I left to get the kids, and was on the verge of another one this morning. I woke up at 5am and my thoughts immediately started spiraling and I’ve been up ever since.
I do have a friend’s birthday celebration to go to today, and a therapist appointment on Thursday (I go weekly). But GOOD GOD, I feel so out of control in my own home.

People settle. I obviously can't say that about everyone, some people don't, and I like to believe that most people are doing the best that they can. But I think most people live life half-heartedly. Just going through the motions. Reading through the "script", saying their lines, until the curtain draws. It's no wonder that society is so miserable (ie: depression, anxiety, alcoholism, drug addiction, suicide, mass murder, etc.)
The thing is, at the end of the day, to live this way is a choice. It's true that the information is scarce, nobody is taught to respect life from a young age. School doesn't teach it. Parents don't teach it because they don't know it. Society doesn't teach it. The mental health field doesn't teach it. Religion most certainly doesn't teach it. It's almost entirely absent from all domains: secular and religious, public and private. That means a young human being must go in search of it.
I suppose, in part, that's healthy. If there were no search involved, it wouldn't be authentic. Every single one of us must make peace with life on our own, there's no getting around it, unless you decide not to make peace with it at all (and die by suicide, whether the overt one or the more common slow 'rot til you die' approach). On the other hand, though, it's reflective of the fact that our society is so fearful. This is why I cannot take the whole mental health / therapy / psychology field seriously: none of them talk about the simple fact that we are all facing an existential crisis - a crisis about what it means to be alive. The problem is not mental, it's spiritual, and it's about our views on life and how we relate to the world. The society would rather live in ignorance and pretend these questions don't exist rather than confront them. Because to confront them can be very terrifying. The truth about life is not comfortable.
In short, the information is scarce. But even so, it is still a choice to to live this way at the end of the day. There's the old proverb (I have no idea from where) that says "when the student is ready, the master appears". That's because, at the end of the day the biggest block isn't the scarcity of the information, it's our own resistance to the truth. Once you are ready to open your eyes, surely you'll start finding things that resonate. And that's the thing: the external information only serves as confirmation for what you already knew to be true inside of you. I think we all know these deeper truths on some level, that's why people will go to war and kill and die for their beliefs - it's the ultimate form of "compensating" for something, something which they know to be false.
It's odd to me, because there seems to be a sort of war on truth. The new New Age belief seems to be that there is no objective truth at all, which makes no sense, because in that case they wouldn't even be able to make case for that point. We all know deep down that some things are more true than others. I'm a fan of humility, and I'm fine with admitting that "all I know is I know nothing". But that doesn't mean I'm going to eat my cereal with poison instead of milk tomorrow morning.
It's no wonder, then, that "rationalists" or whatever you want to call them hate the whole New Age think. I don't consider myself New Age. I don't consider myself anything, really, but I understand that there's some overlap with what I talk about and spirituality. I'm OK with that. What "rationalists" miss, however, is the mystery of the whole thing. It cannot be entirely understood (even if I know enough to know I would rather eat my cereal with milk - I still cannot explain to you why I like my favorite cereal).
People settle.
The truth is, as far as I have been able to see, that your life is up to you. Certainly some people have it worse than others, and I'm not disputing that. It's not my business to go to some starving kid in a third world country and say "Hey bud your life is up to you". That's ridiculous. On the other hand, however, any of us who are fortunate enough to be on a website like this most likely have the tools to be able to do something cool with their life. And I always cite the example of Viktor Frankl, a Jewish psychologist who was imprisoned in a Nazi labor camp. He said that he was free to choose his attitude despite that horrific situation, and if he can do it in those circumstances, I'm not sure that any of us have an excuse, either. (Not to say he was jumping for joy in a concentration camp, but he did choose to hold out hope, and he survived. I was criticized for talking about this once on Facebook - I soon learned this was not the best platform for my writing.)
If you've read any of my stuff, you know I like to mix more broader-based truths, as I see them, with more personal details. I think it helps illustrate my points, and I also like talking about it. It's part of my whole "enjoyment of life" thing.
I recently wrote a post about how "the material is good", speaking about my music but also my message. Today's post will be similar. Yesterday I got together with my band to talk about our new repertoire going forward. I write the vast majority of music though I do appreciate the contributions they make and also don't consider them replaceable. Anyway, we met at my house and I showed them 10-12 songs that I like for our band going forward: some quite old (10-15 years), some intermediate (3-5 years), and some recent (from 1 week to 1 year ago). They liked 9 of them and the other 3 were a maybe.
Like I said, I've had some of these songs for 10-15 years. Some of them I've had the privilege of playing live, but only a couple of times, but the vast majority no. I remember when I was 22 years old it was my dream to make a living with this music... I really feel like I had a message there. One year later, in AA, I would share in a meeting and flagellate myself by saying that "me and my best bud had a message, what it was, I don't know" - and everybody laughed (this was one thing that drove me away from AA, despite me remaining sober for 9.5 years as of writing: the self-condemnation). But that was wrong. I, we (my best friend and I) did have a message. I just didn't know exactly what it was.
Now I know, as much as I can put it into words, I suppose. Life sucked for me. Yeah, I was materially well-off, just like Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold. But like them, particularly like Dylan, I found no joy in life. No meaning. I did not feel accepted. Girls did not seem to like me. I can relate deeply to Dylan in that sense. My life sucked - money was not enough for me. But rock and roll, man, that made me feel alive. I could share my emotions, I could play and sing and dance, I could get my aggression out, and hey... girls took notice of me. I had never seen girls pay attention to me like after they did when I got up on stage. It was wild.
I would never say I did it or do it only for girls. I had one guy tell me that one time, and hey, at least he was honest. But that wasn't my case. Still, it was a nice side benefit. I think they were attracted to the same thing I was: that feeling of being alive.
Me and my best bud used to say "rock is life", half-jokingly, but actually in a serious sense, too. I think I coined this term, but I can't be sure, and in fairness we discovered what rock and roll meant together. He was the Eric to my Dylan. Luckily we didn't blow anybody's brains out. Anyway, if I recall correctly, it was because I wanted that feeling of rock, being up on stage, to apply to my entire life. Not just being on stage. All of my life was my stage. Thus, "rock is life". And I very distinctly remember part of it being unapologetic.
Just a quick note, for those who don't know me, that I don't glorify Harris and Klebold. The only reason I'm talking about them at all is because I've recently been doing a dive into the Columbine shooting because I'm fascinated by what could drive two kids to do something that horrific. The most interesting part, to me, is that Dylan and Eric weren't all that different from me and my friends. In fact, I think they actually had some valid grievances about life and about society (though not valid enough to justify what they did). I believe what I am doing is rooted in something similar to what they felt, but my conclusion about the course of action is the exact opposite: not the destruction of life, but rather, the celebration. In all of its facets - including the ugly.
In AA they called it "living life on life's terms". That's what I learned to do. At 22 years old, in the midst of my rock and roll dream, I had to get sober. I hit a guy on a bike in a drunk driving "accident" that was obviously my fault. Thank God he was okay, and I didn't run or anything, I made sure he was OK and I got arrested after confessing. Soon after I got sober, and I've been sober ever since. I'm very grateful to that - but I had to give up on my rock and roll dream.
Or that's what I thought, at least. I had no idea that 10 years later I'd be given the opportunity to play these songs again, for audiences that enjoy and appreciate my music. And why? Why me? Firstly, it's a gift. A gift from "God", if you will, or from life (I don't actually believe in a deity). I'm good at making music. It comes naturally to me. Where I come into is that I never gave up on myself or my music. Well, I sort of did at the beginning of sobriety, but even that was a great example of not giving up on myself. Deep down I think I knew that more important than the songs was the message behind them - I mean, in the way I choose to live my life. So while I was perhaps wrong to think that my music was not important, I never gave up on myself, and eventually that lead me to rediscovering my music a few years later. And here we are now.
I've fought for it. Getting into a band was sort of by chance, but configuring things in such a way that made sense has been a fight. We had a drummer who didn't like to play original music, only covers. We argued, and eventually he made the decision to leave without getting sacked. I told him I understood and we parted with a hug, no hard feelings. We had a bass player, a great guy and still my friend, who is a true musician and gets paid to play in cover bands and stuff. He always viewed our project as secondary. We had to cut him, too. And then there was a keyboardist who didn't fit our groove. We cut him, too.
In a way, it was all my brainchild. The rhythm guitarist is perhaps my best friend here overseas (by the way, 1 year into sobriety I moved overseas to help find myself). I told him to pick up a bass. The new drummer was on the same page as he and I in terms of the music we wanted to make. I proposed we do a power trio. And that's what we did. And people here are loving it.
If you look at the accomplishments themselves, they're not actually that impressive. Just a few local shows and one small show outside of town. But there's something about the reception we're getting. It's not only positive, like, "hey, I liked your band". People genuinely seem to be enjoying our music and giving praise that goes beyond what is expected in order to be nice / friendly. It's an amazing feeling, and confirmation of what I think I knew to be true 10 years ago: my music is good, and life is worth it. I think the fact that I've continued fighting for 10 years just makes the message even stronger - I never gave up, even through the bad times.
All of this is to say that I never imagined I would be here today. Maybe this sounds like an Oscar award speech or something, which is ridiculous given the "minimal" achievements my band and I have had. But to me they're not minimal. Again, it's not necessarily about the material success, but rather the spiritual success of knowing that I took a stand somewhere and contributed something valuable to the world. And had a lot of fun along the way, too. That's worth more than gold (and who doesn't love gold?)
I couldn't write a whole post about my life without mentioning the girl I like right now. Man, I'm very attracted to her, and I "love" her, whatever that means. Maybe it's ridiculous since I hardly know her, but I think about her a lot, and I'd like to get to know her more. If you're reading this, no, it's not the girl I met on Reddit, though I am fond of that girl, too, and wouldn't mind hearing from her again. But yeah, the girl in real life is great.
It's weird. As much as I'd like to get her in bed or whatever (it'd be fun), it's almost like I just want to be discovered or something. I feel there's a lot going on with me, and I'm eager to share it with the world. I think it's valuable. Of course, she is dealing with her own issues, so it's best to go slow. I'm OK with being patient, she's worth it. (I wouldn't mind getting to know her, either.)
I think what I never understood with love was that it's just a plus, not the main event. People say this all the time, but it's difficult to digest when you're lonely. It's true though. You have to make your own life the main event. IMO that doesn't mean "create a great social life, go to clubs, go to the gym" and all these other material milestones that people create. Nah. For me, it's a more spiritual question. What do you want your life to be about? Figure that out then embark on the journey. Love is a wonderful stop on that journey. No movie or story would be complete without it, right? Well, life wouldn't be, either.
Anyway, all of this is to say that life is worth it. It's a lot of bullshit sometimes. The day-to-day can be grueling, even if you're lucky like me and have a job that you somewhat enjoy. And then you've got to clean the house, pay taxes, deal with people's dysfunction (including your own)... it's hard! But it's like I said earlier, life is what you make of it. That's my whole message. It's really extremely simple. Simple, but not easy, I guess. But I guess I just decided that I was going to give it a try (more than once, actually), and I'm really, really glad I did.

I don’t know why my father does not like me or anything like I haven’t done nothing I haven’t seen my father since the age of 10 years old
I have been depressed so many years because of my father
I’ve been depressed for years and years and years after my dad left me
I am so depressed because my dad doesn’t want me. He left me almost 21 years ago and he doesn’t want anything to do with me. He got married and he is spending all his money on his new son. I don’t care if he gets a new son he is not my brother. His new son is 21 years old and it gets me so mad how he is buying him popular clothes and my grandma doesn’t want nothing to do with me. Can you imagine how your old grandma went to your moms neighborhood and told everybody and your mom‘s neighborhood I don’t want my grandson because he has dark skin Ever since my father let me my dad‘s family doesn’t want nothing to do with me it made me more depressed and sad. My brothers Instagram is public and you can see that my father is buying him so many fancy clothes on Macy’s hoodies everything he is living his good life and my dad and my mom got divorced
Nobody for my dad’s family ever Ask about me my first brother come from my mom and he decided to visit my dad and everybody was asking about him. I don’t know why he decided to visit him maybe to make me jealous all because of my dark skinned. My father doesn’t want nothing to do with me, and he lives in the states, but what makes me so mad and I figured out why my life has been messed up after all these years is because my father is not in my life and yes, I try talking to my father so many time he doesn’t want nothing to do with me. It just makes me so depressed and sad. This is why I have, hard time talking to girls is because my father never teach me these things my first brother who come from my mother he decided to visit my dad and they post pictures together and he never ask about me at all. Nobody from my dad’s family cares about me.
I honestly believe that my own family abuse me as a child but when I ask my mom did my dad‘s family ever abuse me she was quiet for two seconds and she said no. Also, I think that my ADHD is blocking my memory when I was a kid, I honestly don’t know if I was ever abuse from my dads family or not But I do know that I remember every detail how my dad’s family made fun of me a little bit.
My doomer life started around 2008 and 2009. Nobody likes me nobody wants to be my friend. Imagine your own father doesn’t want nothing to do with you, and he got remarried. Does anyone in this group feels like your own father doesn’t like him