Cutting leather with cricut maker 3

TW mention of self harm and suicidal thoughts
" Glass children are those who are growing up in a home where a sibling takes up a disproportionate amount of parental energy "
Well. Disclaimer : I am not a child, alright, I am 20. But I've been thinking a lot about the last 10 years of my life, and I am, as much as it pains me, a glass child and I've been since my sister's born.
Of course, at first, it was (I thought) only because I was the first born, the big sis, you know.
But 3 years ago, my sister discovered Tik Tok. Everyone knows Tik Tok, right? Well, we all know what kind of stuff we can find on that app! I, myself, found the description of a "glass child" there. I use Tik Tok frequently.
My sister always had problems with her friends. When she was younger, she was always in the middle of some arguing between two or three girls, never really had a day where she wasn't coming home with what I call "girl's gangs" problems (you know when two best friends suddenly split and get mad and get other friends to form like alliances and stuff to b*tch on the others? Ya know, old stuff, we've all been there).
She was never wrong in those situations. She was coming home laughing about how she was the peacemaker and never creating problems of some sort. Thing is, I know my sister. Like the back of my hand. Alright? I just... know when she's lying. Still, to this day, she always brags about how good she is to manipulate people and make them do what she wants. Alrighty girl, weird flex.
Well, she got to high school (what we call secondary one in Canada), and then, she started having anxiety. Like panic attacks and all? I've had those, still do these days, so I understood. I became her protector, her therapist, calming her down when my mother critized her for exagerating. I knew what to do, and I gave up all my energy to take care of her, of her mental health, as a good old sister does.
She made it to the second year of high school (secondary 2) with difficulties. Panic attacks again and all. 3 years ago, as I said, she discovered Tik Tok. I know Tik Tok and its algorithm : there are specific fyp where you can find videos about the same topic over and over again. I suspect she was in a dark side of Tik Tok, a depressed one, where you can see all sort of sad/depressing things and stories (I know, I've been there too, now trying to avoid it as much as I can because it affects me mentally and I start spiralling).
Cutting her hair short ( I guess the "funny mentally hill" trend where you cut your hair on a headbutt and dye it, I know, been there too).
Sexuality explored too. Like she was trans for a while and wanted us to call her another name (she isn't anymore, she told me so about 3 months in). I always respected her choices and calling her what she wanted to be called at that time. She was a kid, she was 13, so she was discovering herself and her preferences and all. No problem with that.
She started hanging out with some people like that too. She had a non-binary friend, a trans one, a furry one, etc. She was having fun with them. Great people. She finally had a group.
Some of them, however, had the same experiences we all hear about on Tik Tok. You know, some of them not in a great home, or in a bad relationship with parents, depression, anxiety. Hate to say it, but you know those people on Tik Tok who (unfortunatly) are bullied on the internet for being... like... huuuuh (wondering how to say that without insulting anyone) like stereotypical? Like... you know those who wants a cat litter in a classroom in a unironical way? Some of her friend were a little extremist on that plan. Again, never really bothered me.
We have two parents, a mom and a dad. They divorced when I was 7. My sister was 3. They never fought in front of us, never heard them, it was really a suprise. They went their separate ways. Me and my sis got used to go to each of them for a week, and then go back to the other for a week. It was fine, working good. My parents are both accountants, my mom teaching it too. I had a strong disagreement with my mom in 2019 about one of her (numerous) boyfriends. The only one i really hated with all my heart. This resulted in me leaving her house for about a year. My sis was still doing 1 week/1 week. Apart of that, my parents are pretty basic ones, never abused us and we always had everything we needed.
I started college. I loved it, still do, and was finally starting my life as an adult, I started a great job, was doing good in school and... was still helping my sister and my parents with her anxiety/ panic attacks. Even learn in my degree how to deal with people who disorganize.
Then, the cutting started. A lot of her friend were doing it, she told me. And then she started having those episodes where she was cutting herself. Never with something sharp, like a knife or else. But with like compass and crayons? Then, she started having suicidal thoughts. Then, and that is where it all went down, she called 911 for suicidal thoughts. She was home alone and the police called my mom.
What had she done? Scratch herself... with a pencil.
I've had panic attacks before. And suicidal thoughts that crossed my mind but I never acted on them. Never. And I can't imagine myself doing it. I talked about it, of course, with my best friend, someone I trusted and it was making me feel better. How did I know my sister was doing that and having those thoughts? She just said it, casually, at dinner with the whole family. Like... girl? It really got the mood down, everyone worried and she was like... glowing? I don't know how to say it.
She was always a bit dramatic and had a way of making everything about herself, but it was never about negative things. More like flexing a good grade or whatever. She was always talking about how depressed she was, how she was suicidal, and the things she was saying were... like straight up a depressing tik tok. Like one day I found something she said ( I think it was like "you don't understand how this feels it is like blablabla i don't remember) WORD FOR WORD in a Tik Tok. It is like she wasn't expressing her feelings, but made up phrases you find on the Internet when you type "panic attacks" or "depression".
After a second call to 911 for taking 10 advils, she got admitted to psychiatry. At that time, I was watching my parents fall appart, running around to appointments for her, my dad having stress acnea (at 45) and both of them exhausted. It was a real drama. Everyone in the family talked about it. It was the only subject of discussion, the only thing that was on everyone's mind.
I was hanging out my seat in class with my phone on my belly to be sure to feel it vibrate if something happened. We were all in a bad place.
And then, we got a diagnosis of autism.
I'm sorry, what? Where does that come from? I mean, alright, we'll deal with that one.
But then. That's where all went down for me. Sis started therapy, changed school, went to an adapted classroom for people like her and with disabilities. My parents were still all over the place.
Except where I needed them.
I was 18, at that time, starting adulthood. I have ADHD. It is really hard for me to respect a schedule, think about every appointments I have, every homework, every luggage I can't forget to bring to mom's or to dad's. I was also giving my all in school, never missed anything, straight A's and working my ass off.
I started realising that everytime my parents texted me was to ask/talk about my sis.
Every. Single. Time.
They'd ask me to bring my sister her lunch that she forgot, to go get her when she was down, or get her to her appointments like I didn't have a whole fu**ing life I was trying so hard to keep on line.
I gave all my free time to her needs and my parents's. I educated myself on autism, defended her when my mom was thinking she was faking because I wanted to prove I was there for her. That I was the life saving good sister. I never, ever, heard her say thank you.
Never.
The only compliments my parents were giving me is "thank you for getting your sis for us. Thank you for being there for her. Thank you for doing things with her."
I went trough some stuff, at that time. I hurt my knee and was failing my physical tests. It got to the point I wasn't even sure I liked my degree anymore. I was having a really hard time. But my parents never saw my pain. I have a tendency to hide things, sure, but I was really trying to talk to them about how I was feeling. They were listening, and letting go. Why didn't they start worrying for me like they did for my sister? I don't know, don't really care now. I was having suicidal thoughts too, I wanted to yeet myself in a tree and even stopped driving so it wouldn't give me options. They left me alone, because everytime I tried bringing up the fact that I was not in a good place, my sister was disorganizing at school and they needed to go to the hospital to be both there for her while she fainted from hyperventilating. Every fcking time I was talking to my sister, she was acting like she lived trough everything and was telling me she knew more about suicidal thoughts than me cause she went to psychiatry. Excuse me miss gurl, but who was fcking there to help you trough your panic attacks hun? How do you think I know so much?
Seeing I had practically no support from my already exhausted parents, I took matters into my own hands and started going to therapy. My doctor also prescribed me with anti-depressants. I was going to be ok... on my own. I've had really bad days, real hard ones. But I got back on my two feet. At least, I think so.
School was over and it was time for summer break. I had a job I loved on a boat. I've had a blast on that boat, I wasn't jumping from a house to another, I wasn't always in luggages, I had my own room like a little appartment of my own on the ship. I slowly started to discover a backpacking/adventurous side of myself. I needed air, was travelling far from home as soon as I had a week or two off of the boat.
At the same time, my sister had stopped self-harming and having suicidal thoughts. She's was now in a school for adults to finish her 4th and 5th year of college. She wasn't in a special classroom anymore. Changed friend group.
But here's the thing. Cause there is always a "but".
I started realising how much my sister was toying with us, with my parents. As soon as the diagnosis fell, she became unsufferable. For example, when I say I hate loud noises and strong light, she says she has it tougher because, ya know, "i'm autistic". I can't say something without her saying she has autism and that's why she has it worse.
When I have a good grade or I've hit a PR at the gym, I tell my parents because I am happy. I try to see life the good way, now. I'm quite proud of all the personal work i've done.
But she can't have a normal day.
It is always "ho I hated school because the light was making a sound" or something to point out she has autism.
I talked to one of my friend who is a social worker, and he told me autism is usually apparent in children. My sis was diagnosed at 15. But, and hear me out, all the things that make her autistic according to her psychiatrist... she's never really had them before.
You remember at the beginning of this rant how I told you I know when my sister is lying?
Well. I don't think an autistic person possess the flex of "being able to manipulate people so easily to get what you want".
She's always bragging about how smart she is compared to us because, you know, "ShE cAn FeElS eNeRgiEs AnD pEoPlE AnD iT AfFeCts hEr". Well, honey, I don't think that is autism. It is always little comment about how special she is because she can't do this, or that. Like I have ADHD, alright? I'm stimming all the time. I don't point it out to people for fun, actually, i'm quite ashamed of it sometimes. She bought all those fidget toys and brings them ALL to school to show how much she needs them.
One reason of why I am mad, as you can (unfortunatly) see, is my father's attitude.
The fact that my sis had episodes of suicidal thoughts and acts traumatized him. With reasons, don't get me wrong.
But now, she's clearly living well of drama and stereotypical behavior she never had before.
My father is fucking afraid of telling her no.
Like man, I don't think that if you ask her to unload the dishwasher ONE FUCKI*NG time that she's going to kill herself. Like come on.
One time, she called him cause she fainted cause she was hyperventilating cause the cleaner at her school wore a different hat than usual. Or another time where she learn that two teachers were eating togueter at lunch and not in the cafeteria?
I know my sister. She is clearly using him. She's got him hooked with a silent threat of hurting herself or making it impossible for him to receive a phone call without thinking she committed.
And. She. Fucking. Knows. It.
She left my mother's house because my mom wasn't buying her shit.
She left with all her drama about how she could appologize but she needs her space to think about what she (mom) did.
BRUH did what?!?!?!? It was so sudden, what are you on about?
All her life, she was good at one thing : breaking people's relationship.
I know, because I'm not blind.
She's the type of person that looks at you after saying your deepest secret in front of everyone and be like : "oups teehee🤪 you know i can't keep a secret" or she plays dumb "i didn't know it was a secret oupsis" with this little dumb face that I know by heart means "I win you fuck*ng idiot".
She broke the good relationship my parents had by pretending mom told her something when it wasn't right or vice versa. When she's at dad's, she always talks about all the things mom does that sucks. When she was at mom, she was always talking about how bad it was at dad.
I was in the middle like , bruh, it isn't even that bad. And of course, my parents both being proud individuals started feeling supperior than the other and downgrading the other in front of us (wich you know my sis was repeating over and over to everyone).
But because my parents are fucking blind they let her riled them up against each others. So now they don't talk. And when they do, it is always to argue about how to take care of my sis.
To make a clear example of how she gets everything she wants :
She always tells me that she wants a Mira dog. Like a service dog. She's going to keep creating dramatic scenarios like that until my father cries and decides it is the last option we have.
But no. After the dog, it is going to be another need for neurodivergent people that she's probably going to see on Tik Tok.
Because yes, she faints and yes, she is hyperventilating. But I can create scenario in my head and make them real too (maladaptive daydreaming oups). Anxiety works like that : if I start hyperventilating for 45 seconds, my body jumps to survival mode and the mammoth thing ang boom, there you have your panic attack.
Yes. She is mentally hill.
But she's not autistic. She does not need a service dog. And she can't continue leading people on like that.
She's in need of negative attention. She hates when we compliment her, she hates when we wish her happy brithday and all. But she's always talking about how she did bad at this exam and ho people please comfort me. There's always something going on with her.
She stopped self-harming and having suicidal toughts. People started living normally.
So she restarts panic attacks but she already has a psychiatrist so she needs more.
Lets go to the hospital, something's wrong with my heart. Then she's got the pleasure of walking around school with a machine to record her heart thingy.
Nope. Nothing wrong.
People start forgetting.
Whoops now she's fainting and we don't know why.
Hospital trip yeah.
Nothing's wrong.
Then she buys a machine to keep track of her blood pressure.
Does a doctor prescribed it?
Nope. You can just buy it so she did. And she could do it like in the morning, at lunch or at night, but no, she absolutly needs to do it in front of everyone, making noise in class while the teacher is talking.
And i'm starting to get fed up.
About a year into this nightmare, 3 years ago, I stopped feeling.
I wasn't able to feel anything. And that is why, today, I can write this and unfortunatly for some, it will be controversial.
After my downfall, when my sister was in need...
I did not care.
At all.
She could do whatever she wanted to do. She could have as much trip to the hospital as she wanted.
I . Did . Not . Care .
I was going to class.
And my phone was on silent.
I don't want to know. I don't care. Don't you get it? Mom, dad, leave me alone. You did it well, right? Continue.
I am an horrible human being. My best friend tries to comfort me saying that my heart of stone is a form of self-protection, a defense mechanism that I developped 3 years to protect myself and not live trough what my sister put us trough without knowing (or caring?).
Still.
I am an egoist.
But I do not care.
You want to make me feel like a glass child?
Alright alright.
I'll deal with it.
But now the glass is fed up.
And it is about to break.
Good bye and thank you for coming all the way here.

I want to share a passage that as integral in my conversion to Christianity with everyone, as well as my notes on it, out of pure zeal. Enjoy!

^\God Speaks:]) See, my servant shall succeed; he shall be exalted and lifted up, and shall be very high. Just as there were many who were astonished at you—so marred was his appearance, beyond human semblance, and his form beyond that of mortals—so he shall sprinkle many nations; kings shall shut their mouths because of him; for that which had not been told them they shall see, and that which they had not heard they shall contemplate. ^\Israel Speaks:]) Who has believed what we have heard? And to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed? For he grew up before him like a tender shoot, and like a root out of dry ground; he had no form or majesty that we should look at him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him. He was despised and rejected by others; a man of pains and acquainted with sorrows; and like the hiding of the face for him, he was despised, and we held him of no account. Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we accounted him stricken, struck down by God, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the punishment that made us whole, and by his bruises we are healed. We all like sheep have gone astray; we have all turned to our own ways, but the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all. He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; like a lamb that is led to the slaughter, and like a sheep that before its shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth. By a perversion of justice he was taken away. Yet who of his generation even considered that he was cut off from the land of the living, stricken for the transgression of my people to whom the blow belonged? They made his grave with the wicked and with a rich man in his death, although he had done no violence, and there was no deceit in his mouth. Yet it was the will of the Lord to crush him with weakness. When you make his life a guilt offering, he shall see offspring, and shall prolong days; and through him the will of the Lord shall prosper. Out of his anguish he shall see light; he shall find satisfaction through his knowledge. ^\God Speaks:]) The righteous one, my servant, shall make many to be considered righteous, and he shall bear their sins. Therefore I will allot him a portion with the many, and he shall divide the spoil with the multitudes; because he poured out his life to death, and was numbered with the transgressors; yet he bore the sin of the many, and will intervene for the transgressors.

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Notes on Isaiah 52:13-53:13.

• The Identity of the Servant.

There is huge debate and controversy over the identity of the Servant in Isaiah. On the one hand, Isaiah says Israel is the Servant outside of the Servant songs. On the other hand, the Servant reads like an individual in the Servant songs. There is a quite simple resolution to this. While the Servant is identified as Jacob-Israel outside of the songs, the nation of Israel is revealed within the dynamic movement of the four Servant songs as being embodied in a suffering individual figure. So, the Servant never stops being "Israel," but "Jacob-Israel" undergoes a reduction down to one within these songs. This is not my invention but is rather a prominent scholarly opinion. For example, Ricki Watts writes in his 1990 article: "In cognizance of the individual traits . . . it would appear that true Israel has been reduced to one (cf. 53:6 and ch. 48)" - Rikki Watts, 1990: p. 55. Jan L. Koole writes that Deutero-Isaiah's "reproaches to the Israel of his day, esp. in chap. 48, are so sharp and so much aimed at the people as a whole, that this 'true' Israel has undergone an extreme reduction (Simon, Sawyer) and must, it seems, be confined to an individual" - J.L. Koole, Isaiah III, Vol. 2 (Peeters, 1998), pp. 12-13. Brevard S. Childs writes: "what is crucial to observe is that one, bearing all the marks of an individual historical figure, has been named servant, not to replace corporate Israel—the servant in Second Isaiah remains inseparable from Israel—but as a faithful embodiment of the nation Israel who has not performed its chosen role (48:1–2)" - Brevard S. Childs, Isaiah: A Commentary (OTL, 2001), p. 385. Mark S. Gignilliat writes: "a movement has been noted in the drama of Isaiah 40–55, a movement from the Servant as Israel to the Servant as an individual who takes on the role of Israel as restorer of Zion and light to the nations. Thus, neither the emphasis on Israel’s special role in God’s redemptive economy nor the highly individual language attributed to the Servant after Isaiah 48 is lost. The Servant is Israel, the Servant is an individual" - Mark S. Gignilliat 2008: 125-126. Paul R. Raabe writes: "the reader should understand the “Servant of Yahweh” who is to restore collective Israel and atone for collective Israel as Israel-reduced-to-one, God’s Israel-in-one" - Paul Raabe 2018: 331.
The Servant within the Servant Songs can't be Jacob-Israel as a collective, because there are numerous points of contrast between the Servant and Israel as a nation.

1. For example, in Isa. 49:5-6 the Servant has a mission to the nation as a group. This means that the nation as Servant is understood to shrink in size. But is this shrinking in size down to one person, or a righteous remnant? Isaiah 49:6 qualifies Israel as the remnant, so the reduction of the Servant seems to be down to one person.
2. One also can't so easily compare the individual language applied to Israel outside of the songs with the Servant in the songs, since Israel as Servant is intentionally shrunk down in size so as to be distinct from Israel as a nation (as indicated by Isa. 49:5-6), along with the heightening of the individualistic language in each successive song. This combination of shrinking and heightening seems to signify an intentional reduction of what the prophet considered true Israel down to one.
3. Further, the switch from the "Servant" in Isaiah 40-53 to the collective "servants" of the Servant motif in Isaiah 54-66 (see the "servants"/"offspring" section below) through the Servant's offspring implies that the Servant Songs have, in the context of the book as a whole, both a (primary) individual sense, referring to the Servant, and a (secondary) collective sense, referring to the faithful remnant, (cf. Isaiah 50:10-11), the servants of the Servant. If the Servant was the righteous remnant in the first place, it seems strange to refer to the Servant in the singular in the Servant songs at first and then in the plural after the last Servant song, instead of having the word "Servant" be in the plural all the way through or singular all the way though.
4. Lastly, the people of Israel and its remnant in the context of Isaiah are transgressors (e.g., Isa. 46:1-12; 48:1-11), while the Servant is faithful and righteous (Isa. 53:9, 11).

Many other points could be raised. Isaiah 49:3 does not preclude this, unless one begs the question against the "Israel-reduced-to-one" view. Plus, in Isa. 49:3, the name of Israel is probably a predicate: "you are Israel" (Jaap Dekker 2012: 38-39). As a result of arguments like these, Joseph Blenkinsopp writes in his Yale commentary on Isaiah 40-55:

"Ever since Christopher R. North surveyed the range of opinion on the identity of the Servant in 1948 (2d ed., 1956), no significant new options have emerged. While there was then and still is a strong critical preference for an individual rather than a collective interpretation, none of the fifteen individuals named as candidates by one commentator or another and listed by North has survived scrutiny" (Joseph Blenkinsopp, Isaiah 40-55 [AYBC; Yale University Press, 2002]: 355).

So, is the Servant an individual or Israel? Both!

• Isaiah 52:13: The Servant as YHWH Himself.

The human Servant in Isaiah 52:13 is implied to somehow be YHWH Himself, as recognized by many scholars. The phrase ר֧וּם plus וְ plus נִשָּׂ֛א appears only in Isaiah 6:1; 52:13; 57:15 out of the entire Hebrew Bible, and in Isaiah 6:1 and 57:15 they refer to God. In addition, Isaiah 57:15 and 52:13 seem to refer to the earlier text (Isa. 6:1, which unambiguously refers to God). Moreover, the words ר֧וּם and נִשָּׂ֛א almost always apply to YHWH in Isaiah, and Isaiah 2 makes it clear that only YHWH should be ר֧וּם or נִשָּׂ֛א, as do other Isaian texts. In the exceptions where these terms are applied to other entities, those entities are to be humbled (e.g., Isa. 2:13). Thus, the Servant in the narrative shares the glory of YHWH, which however only belongs to YHWH alone (Isa. 2:11, 17; 42:8; 48:11). For example, Isaiah 2:11, 17 says that: "Yahweh alone will be exalted." Isaiah 42:8 and 48:11 says that YHWH shares his glory with no other. For all these points, see: Mark S. Gignilliat 2008, pp. 131-132; Daniel J. Brendsel 2014, p. 143; and Jaap Dekker 2017, pp. 475-491. Additional points can be raised as well, such as the fact that the Servant calls upon the nations to "listen to me" (Isa. 49:1), even though every time the word "listen" is followed by אֵלַ֔י ("to me") as the direct object, "it is always God who draws attention to himself, 46:3, 12; 48:12; 51:1, 7; 55:3, and so 'listen to me' in this v. also suggests a speaker who transcends the merely human" (Jan L. Koole, Isaiah 49-55, p. 7).

• Isaiah 52:14: The Appearance of the Servant.

This verse alludes to the suffering the Servant goes through later in the very same song (e.g., "stricken," "smitten," "afflicted," "pierced," "crushed," "punishment," "wounds," etc.). It is not saying that the Servant-Messiah was the ugliest man of all time. It is reminiscent of the Psalter in Psalm 22:6 who says that "I am a worm, and not human." It would be a mistake to interpret this physically.

• Isaiah 52:15: The Sprinkling of the Nations.

There is much scholarly disagreement as to whether yazzeh denotes a "sprinkling" or a "startling." The arguments for "startle" or "leap up" are mostly speculative and weak, whereas the arguments for the translation "sprinkle" are primarily based off of solid and existing datums/evidence. Most versions support the translation argued here: e.g., Aquila and Theodotion ('sprinkle'), Vulgate asperget ('sprinkle'), the Peshitta mdk' ('purify'). Most Hebrew texts also support a sprinkling, e.g., our earliest witnesses such as 1QIsa, 1QIsb. "Startle" might be supported by the LXX ('will be astonished'), but, as Goldingay points out: "the latter is as likely a loose translation" (Isaiah 40-55, p. 295). Many scholars relate yazzeh to Arab. nazâ (to spring up, leap), and translate it as "startle." Yet this is wrong. As Goulder points out in his 2002 VT article, (a) outside of this verse in question, the use of this root is unattested in all ancient Hebrew, and (b) the "Arabic term from which it derives denotes physical leaping with no necessary connotations of emotional surprise" (Michael Goulder 2002: 179). The typical arguments against the form of yazzeh being an Hiphil imperfect of nazah, meaning ‘to sprinkle’ (which it means everywhere else in the Hebrew Bible) are: (a) the lack of a substance in the accusative, and (b) the lack of 'al or some such preposition, but rather an anomalous usage where the nations are the direct object of the verb. However, the argument based off the lack of these features is at once rendered weak (especially in light of the above) when we realize that we are dealing with poetry (Paba Nidhani De Andrado 2021: 290). Additionally, Leviticus 4:6, 17 are likely examples of cases where the object or person sprinkled is the direct object of the verb instead of being indicated by a prepositional phrase, though the text there is difficult (see Isaksson Bo, “The Textlinguistics of the Suffering Servant: Subordinate Structures in Isaiah 52,13-53,12,” in En Pase Grammatike Kai Sophia: Saggi Di Linguistica Ebraica in Onore Di Alviero Niccacci, Ofm Studium Biblicum Franciscanum: Analecta 78, 2011), pp. 189-190 (esp. fn. 32). "It has been suggested that the Servant’s “sprinkling” of the nations implies the redemptive significance of his work in their behalf" (James P. Ware, Paul and the Mission of the Church, Philippians in Ancient Jewish Context, 2011, p. 588, n. 110). See H.W. Hertzberg, “Die ‘Abtrünnigen’ und die ‘Vielen’: Ein Beitrag zu Jes 53,” Verbannung und Heimkehr (FS W. Rudolph; ed. J. Kuschke; Tübingen: MohSiebeck, 1961), p. 103; Alviero Niccacci, “Quarto carme del Servo del Signore (Is 52,13-53,12). Composizione, dinamiche e prospettive” (Liber Annuus vol. 55, 2005), p. 21.

• Isaiah 53:5: The Pierced and Crushed Servant.

Here, "pierced" is the best translation. If we see how the root chalal is used in biblical Hebrew, we see that it primarily means either "profane" or “pierced.” See Job 26:13; Jer. 14:18; 41:9; Ezek 6:13; 9:7; 28:7, 9; 32:26; 2 Sam. 23:8, 18 and especially Isaiah 22:2; 51:9 for a piercing. Since the context suggests a connotation stronger then "profane," it seems like "pierced" is our best bet. Most importantly, in Isaiah 51:9, "pierced" (applied to a chaos creature) is the best translation due to the parallelism present with how Rahab is said to be "hacked in pieces" (הַמַּחְצֶ֥בֶת). Kristin Joachimsen writes that the word ְמחָֹלל in Isa. 53:15 "is most often taken to be חלל II “pierce”, cf. Isa. 51:9" - Kristin Joachimsen, Identities in Transition: The Pursuit of Isa. 52:13-53:12 (Leiden: Brill, 2011), pp. 113, fn. 95.
Regarding the min, there is nothing wrong with translating the min as "because of," but that is meant vicariously. The preposition in itself denotes cause or reason. The nature of the cause or reason is determined by the context. In Isaiah 53:5 the cause or reason is substitutionary and vicarious: e.g., "The Lord laid on him the iniquity of us all" (verse 6). Also, see the bet pretii in verse 5b ("by his wounds we were healed").
Regarding the word that is sometimes translated as "crushed," מְדֻכָּ֖א, often denotes death or oppression/inner humiliation in the Hebrew Bible, including in Isaiah (3:15; 57:15). And this is not a matter of "literal vs. metaphorical" interpretation. It's taking seriously the semantic range of the word, especially in the genre we are dealing with.

• Isaiah 53:8: "for them" (lamo) refers to Israel?

Simon J. Joseph in his book Jesus and the Temple (2016) argues that: "The implication in the NRSV is that it is an individual who is afflicted (“he was stricken”) whereas in the MT, למו may be a synonym for להם meaning “them,” “fofrom them,” or “to them,” suggesting that it is the nation (Israel) that is stricken. Indeed, the word is translated usually as a plural form..." (pp. 224). However, the latter portion of v. 8 is (famously, notoriously) textually uncertain, with different readings in the MT, LXX, and 1QIsaiah from Qumran. Moreover, it is possible to construe the grammar of the sentence in question quite differently, with the people being the reference of lamo, but still able to obtain a meaning that is very much in line with a singular understanding of the servant in this passage: "... of my people to whom the blow belonged" - but now it has been diverted to the Servant. Given the textual uncertainty, it becomes clear that Joseph’s counter-objection has no force.

• Isaiah 53:9: "in his deaths" refers to Israel?

Simon J. Joseph argues in his book Jesus and the Temple that: "Isa 53:9 uses the plural form for “in his deaths” (במתיו) . . . The Hebrew term for “in his death” would be במותו, not במתיו. If this is the case, then the Servant cannot be an individual, but rather corporate Israel" (pp. 224-225). . However, as Hebrew grammarians know, the word for "death" here can be used in the plural as an intensive (see J.L. Koole, Isaiah 49-55, p. 314), especially in poetry. Plus, the suffix is a singular third person suffix. There is a reason why practically every modern translation and every commentary of which I am aware understand this as the singular, "death."

• Isaiah 53:10: The "offspring"/"servants" of the Servant.

In Isaiah 53:10, it says that the Servant will "see offspring" and make many righteous. Ever since. the JSOT essay by W.A.M. Beuken published in 1990, many scholars have widely realized that, after the reference to the servant "seeing" offspring in Isaiah 53:10, the figure of the individual servant is replaced by a community called the “servants” in the plural (Isa. 54:17; 56:6; 63:17; 65:8, 9, 13-15; 66:14) and “offspring" (e.g., Isa. 59:21; 61:8-9; 65:9, 23; 66:22), who identify with the Servant and form a new Israel (W.A.M. Beuken 1990: pp. 67-87). Thus, the "offspring" in Isa. 53:10 (and the reference of the Servant making "many" righteous in 53:11) serves as a fulcrum for this entire shift in focus from Servant to this community called the "servants" or "offspring" - the followers of the Servant who identify with him. Regarding the "offspring" and the "servants of the Servant," they fit Jesus and his followers (see above).

• Isaiah 53:10-12: The Resurrection and Spoil of the Servant

James P. Ware writes: "that the Servant is portrayed in the fourth Song as restored from death to life is recognized by the majority of interpreters. The text is explicit that following his demise the Servant “will prolong days” (53:10) and “will see light” (53:11). [The word] אוׁר (“light”), omitted in MT, is attested by IQIsa-a, IQIsa-b, 4QIsa-d, and LXX, and is doubtless the original reading. References to “light” thus recur in all four Servant poems (42:6; 49:6; 50:10-11; 53:11)" - James P. Ware, Paul and the Mission of the Church, Philippians in Ancient Jewish Context, 2011, p. 75. The Servant also "divides spoil" after his death.
The spoil that the Servant divides is his salvation, exaltation and unique role in continuing the plan of YHWH. Thus, the "servants" of the Servant participate in the Servant's redemptive mission and shares his victory (cf. Isa. 55:1-3).
"The many" who have their sins carried by the Servant include gentiles. The "many" recalls the use of "many" with reference to the "many nations" that the Servant sprinkles in Isa. 52:15. The very mention of the Servant sprinkling the nations implies their inclusion to begin with. That gentiles are included is proven by the fact that Gentiles are included in the Servant's Kingdom and mission (Isa. 42:4, 6; 49:6-7), and the fact that Isaiah 54-56 describes the people who are redeemed by the Servant as including those of the nations (54:17; cf. 56:3-8).

Hi leangains, I started a 6-days per week PPL split 2 months ago. This was the first time I’ve been serious about the gym.
When I started, I was normal skinny, and throughout the 2 months I’ve been eating way more than usual every meal and I’ve seen some crazy strength gains
Bench 85lb 4x5 to 115lb 5x8
Squat 95lb 4x6 to 195lb 5x6.
Deadlift 135lb 5x5 to 215lb 5x6 (put deadlift in my pull day 3 weeks ago)
My body weight also went from around 140lb to 175lb
I’m really proud of my strength gains but Ive gained some fat and people have told me my face got rounder.
So I’m wondering: 1. Should I begin a cut? And if I cut will my strength gains be slowed down a lot? 2. Do you guys have any experience with this? Is there a way for me to lose fat while maintaining my strength gains?
I do want to progress in my lifts, but I also want to slim down my face and get a nice jawline and abs, ive never really cut before.
TYSM!

This is my first character sheet so go easy on me
​

• Name: Perceval Moore
• Gender: Male
• Race: Human
• Age: 23 years
• Height: 6 ft. (1.8 m)
• Weight: 190 lbs. (86 kg)
• Class: Fighter

​

• Appearance

- Perceval is disheveled and has beige, splotchy skin. His yellow, dreary eyes shine through his greasy black hair. The dandruff receptacles he calls shoulders droop below his clavicle. His gaunt frame is accented with an audacious stride, which comes from the same place his extra weight does: an occasionally dysfunctional prosthetic leg. It’s a dull brass color with cogs at the knee and springs below the false kneecap, which appear shined due to the fact that it rubs up against his flowing black cloak with each step. He carries a crudely patched burlap sack, off of which hangs a flask and a measure of rope.

• Reference images (none of these are exact but they give ya the idea)
• https://game.capcom.com/cfn/sfv/charactenash/costume?lang=en
• https://www.deviantart.com/t-rexjones/art/Frankenstein-s-Creation-286829832
• https://gorillaz.fandom.com/wiki/Murdoc
• List of reference images in order: Nash from Street Fighter V, Illustration of Frankenstein's Monster by T-Rex Jones from Deviantart and Murdoc Nichals from Gorillaz, designed by Jamie Hewlett and Damon Albarn.

​

• Abilities/quirks

- Skepticism: Perceval isn’t one to fall for grifts. Snake oil salesmen don’t impress him and his psyche is bound tightly. Masters of mentalism and psychics have trouble prying into his mind.
- False leg: Born without a right leg, Perceval was equipped with a prosthetic leg made of cogs, springs and whatever was lying around the shop. His movement speed and mobility are generally uninhibited but worsen when his leg isn’t properly oiled and wound. (Sometimes sprockets dislocate for seemingly no reason) This also means he is less vulnerable to tripping attempts made on his right leg, due to the heftiness of his artificial appendage.
- Bad blood: Moore’s former appendage was infected with some nasty magic. Because of a lingering curse, he has an increased vulnerability to necrotic damage. (+2) He has nerve pain that flares up whenever necromantic magic is nearby, which serves as an early warning of danger or a tool for detecting dealers in the dark arts.
- Equipment: Rusty longsword, pot-lid shield and a hand-axe. Backpack includes a crowbar, 3 torches, a tinderbox, 5 days worth of rations, a medium water-skin, a flask and a bear trap. Carries 50 feet of rope strapped to the bag.
​

• Backstory

- Hilda Moore, a servant in the court of Lord Alabaster, was infected with a wicked blight that led to her death during childbirth. Her lone offspring Perceval, (named after her last living relative, a lord in a far away land), suffered the same terrible disease that afflicted his mother. This led to the medically necessary amputation of his hands at the forearm, and right leg at the middle-thigh. Before handing the child over to a local parish, a professor in Alabaster’s court named Dr. Solomon Fabian caught wind of the sorrowful situation and whisked the child away to his observatory in Hedgeborn. Raised in a gilded tower, hidden in a lush valley, the boy grew to be curious, though he was tragically ill equipped for exploration.
Professor Fabian began conducting experimental treatments and procedures on the boy beginning at the age of 7. It wasn’t until age 10 that the boy's adopted hands stayed attached. When the boy was 13, Fabian resorted to a deal containing unfavorable terms in order to afford his greatest experiment the gift of stride. In exchange for a leg preserved with magic, Fabian agreed to construct a ward for the Criminal titan Botwell Hogspore. After the exchange was made, the professor struggled to cut ties with the greedy baron who insisted on mutual benefit via immoral means.
The new limb granted Perceval freedom of movement, but something in his spirit changed. His disposition became bitter and tyrannical. His skin withered and his eyes seared a frightful yellow. Seeing how the magic changed the boy, the professor replaced the leg with a metallic remnant of an old hobby. Dissolving the pact with Hogspore meant certain doom, but Fabian’s conscience could bear it no longer. On his 14th birthday, Perceval watched his only real family die before his eyes a second time. Hogspore spared the boy, but banished him from Hedgeborn for all of his cursed days. After drifting from odd job to odd job, Perceval finds himself itching for vengeance.
​

• Flaws and dislikes

- Perceval is a binge drinker, and on days he can’t trek very far he’s barely functional. He has a very all or nothing attitude about travel and alcohol.
- He isn’t loyal to any deity or religion, which is ironic considering he could really use some magical help and healing. He resents Paladins especially.
- He’s got no connections and the little family that he has resent him.
- He’s physically frightening. He scares children.
- He’s got a few disabilities. They wouldn’t be much of an issue but he doesn’t have access to the proper medication. This means he has chronic pain in his hands and he gets eye twitching due to the necromantic juju in his blood. Not to mention the bum leg.

• Strengths

- Perceval learned the rules of swordsmanship before he had proper hands. His adopted father was a great admirer of the art of fencing and a connoisseur of the blade. In combination with his experience as hired steel, he handles edged weapons almost as well as whisky.
- He can outdrink even the toughest of sailors.
- Mr. Moore knows what he looks like, and uses his startling appearance to his advantage whenever possible. His height, his dark second-hand hands and his piercing, weepy eyes grant him an intimidation bonus.
​

• Allies

- Jax and Ibek the leg breakers. They work for Mr. Mojo, a shell trader and Whisp-weed dealer in his close-enough-to-home town of Fishborn. Jax is a cunning dark elf who always knows a guy. He’s done favors for Perceval, and Perceval has done favors for him. They’ve worked, eaten, and fought alongside each other. Jax is the closest thing Perceval has to a best friend. He rooms with Ibek, a gentle half-giant who snaps arms for a living and crotchets in his free time.
- Fritz Gumms the marshal, one of the few staples of law enforcement in the far-west city of Jewelcrest. He gave Perceval a warm meal and a dry cell to sleep in after he caught him stealing from the mayor's office. He’s Percy’s emergency contact.
- Piper (and Marion) the witchy shop keepers. On the outskirts of Hedgborn is a little slum called Sludgeborn, where the servants who don’t reside in the houses of their masters live. Along these strips of housing are carts and booths set up selling everything you could want and plenty you don’t need. In the fabric business is the stitch-witch Piper. She has described herself at various times as both “super fucking chill” and “goth but only for the music and the fashion and the culture and the self loathing.” Her sock puppet Marion keeps her company while she sells camel skins and microfiber underpants.
​

• Acquaintances

- Llewelyn Scruffs the bounty hunter. He’s a harengon outlaw that drifted into Jewelcrest around the same time Perceval got arrested. Scruffs bailed him out, but only because there was a much bigger bounty on his head in the next town over. While traveling, they were attacked by raiders. Perceval saved the outlaw’s life, but Scruffs was badly wounded. He agreed to take the cowboy into town, but on the condition that he didn’t turn him in. Llewelyn held up his end of the bargain, but resented Perceval for making him walk the last mile on his own.
- Robin Huperts the tavern keeper. She grew up in an adopted family just like Perceval. During his early adult years, she took pity on him and let him crash in her supply closet. She kicked him out after she caught him stealing beer, but she reads the letters he occasionally sends her way.
- Precious Romwitsy the traveling actress. The Redmoon theater drifts from town to town, finding audiences in everyone from nobility to paramilitary groups to farmers who can barely afford a ticket. The crown jewel of the traveling theater is Precious Romwitsy- a true thespian at heart. She shares Perceval’s periodic problems with alcohol. They’ve swapped plenty of stories, and forgotten just as many at the bottom of a bottle. He repulses her, but her vanity is melted by his witty countenance.
- List of canonical encounters with this OC: None yet!
If you made it this far... idk that's kinda crazy. Thanks tho :)

In order to successfully use injection molding, you will need the right rubber mold.
Molds are created through two processes: Computer Numerical Control machines (CNC) and Electric Discharge Machines (EDM).
CNC machines use cutting tools to cut into a piece of material. If a rubber manufacturer wants to use a plastic mold, it could use a CNC machine to create that mold. When dimensions are inputted into the CNC machine, they cut away the piece of material until it fits the dimensions. Some CNC machines are also equipped with laser printing which is another way for rubber manufacturers to create molds.
Electrical Discharge Machines are similar to CNC machines. Instead of cutting, these machines use electric “lasers” to remove parts of the material. When dimensions are entered into the machine, it goes straight to work creating the mold. EDM is typically used for more complicated molds that may require curved edges and specialized shapes.
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Automatic watches for men are more popular than ever, and it's not hard to see why. Automatic watches are some of the most reliable timepieces today, often boasting years or even decades' worth of battery life, depending on the model. This makes them great gifts for loved ones or yourself, particularly since they never need winding or battery replacement like automatic watches used to in the past. In addition, you'll find that most modern mechanical watches come in many styles and colors, so there's sure to be something to your taste if you love mechanical watches as much as everyone else does now.
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1) IWC Pilot's Watch
The IWC Pilot's Watch is an excellent automatic watch for men. The IWC Pilot's Watch is a handsome timepiece 43mm in diameter, the perfect size for any man. The brushed steel case and bracelet are durable and give the watch that sleek, elegant look. It has an impressive water resistance of up to 12 bar or 120 meters which means it can withstand rain or sweat without getting damaged. In addition, its accuracy of -2/+6 seconds per day ensures you'll never have to worry about being late. This is one to consider if you're looking for the best automatic watches for men.
2) Omega Seamaster Aqua Terra
One of the best automatic watches for men is the Omega Seamaster Aqua Terra. It's a watch seen on James Bond (Daniel Craig). The look is water resistant up to 300 meters and features a 43mm steel case with ceramic bezel, stainless steel crown and pushers, scratch-resistant sapphire crystal, and an anti-reflective coating. These are just a few of the best automatic watches for men you can find today. If you want to know more about the best mechanical watches for men, we invite you to read our blog post here!
3) TAG Heuer Aquaracer
The TAG Heuer Aquaracer 300m is an excellent automatic watch for men who are looking for something sleek and sporty. The timepiece features a 41mm stainless steel case with a black dial protected by scratch-resistant sapphire crystal. The band is made of rubber that feels comfortable and stays in place. The strap has buckle clasps, which provide easy sizing adjustments.
The watch is water resistant up to 100 meters or 330 feet, so it will be perfect if you like swimming or diving! Plus, the Swiss quartz movement ensures accuracy over time. It also boasts three leather, metal bracelet, or rubber straps. The coolest part? You can see all the inner workings thanks to its exhibition back.
4) Breitling Superocean
Breitling is known as one of the best automatic watches for men, and the Breitling Superocean is no exception. The watch is water resistant up to 656 meters, making it an excellent mechanical look for men frequently in contact with water. Additionally, this model boasts an impressive list of features such as a chronograph, tachymeter, thermometer, and more.
If you're looking for the best automatic watches for men, then the Breitling Superocean should be at the top of your list. It's also one of the most excellent mechanical watches for men today, so it will look good on any man. With its sleek black design and durable construction, there's nothing not to like about this excellent automatic watch for men!
📷
5) Rolex Submariner
The Rolex Submariner is an excellent automatic watch for men with all the features and durability needed from a mechanical watch. It's a water-resistant, stainless steel watch with a 44-millimeter case diameter, a black dial, luminescent hands and hour markers, a unidirectional bezel, and a screw-down crown. With its sleek design, comfortable weight of 130 grams, reliable movement, and large size, this model deserves its spot as one of the best automatic watches for men today. Moreover, with a quality name like Rolex, you can trust that it will last years of wear with no problems!
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I'm looking to get out of my current job where I make very good money, but work 12 hr rotating shifts and spend much of my free time "recovering" and dreading the next 3/4/5 day stretch.
I was offered a job at NNS and am hoping to get a better quality of life and work life balance with the ability to move up if I take the job.
However before I give up my salary for a 15-30% pay cut, I would like to know what I'm getting into.
Would anyone be able to offer some advice? I don't live Newport News, so any advice is helpful.

1. Continuing to improve the consumer experience, TikTok Shop cross-border UK marketplace goods into the warehouse mode update
TikTok Shop cross-border e-commerce issued a notice to update the cross-border UK market commodity warehousing model. The announcement said that TikTok Shop is exploring and strengthening the platform infrastructure, combining regional market rules and user consumption habits to improve the warehousing model and quality inspection and other commodity operation requirements, and continue to supply higher quality goods and better shopping experience to global users.
From April 15, 2023, the TikTok Shop cross-border e-commerce platform supports cross-border UK marketplace goods using the following business methods:
☆ Goods operated through the platform’s domestic stocking warehouse;
☆ Goods operated through the platform’s certified UK overseas warehouse or its own UK overseas warehouse;
☆ Jewelry and crystal goods that have passed the inspection of QIC Quality Inspection Center in the consolidation warehouse.
2. DPP authorities want to follow the U.S. ban TikTok was questioned, some people on the island shouted “downgrade the DPP”
After the U.S. House of Representatives passed a bill to ban TikTok, the Taiwan Democratic Progressive Party (DPP) authorities have proposed a total ban on TikTok under the pretext of “curbing election misinformation” in order to follow the U.S. lead.
3. TikTok CEO cutting the company from ByteBeat cannot solve the problem
In a recent interview, TikTok CEO Zhou Shouzhi said that cutting TikTok off from Chinese investors would not solve the so-called “security risk” concerns of the United States.
According to the U.S. “Wall Street Journal” reported on March 16, Zhou Shouzhi said in an interview with the media that even if ByteDance sells TikTok, TikTok platform users will not receive more security protection than they do now. TikTok is currently discussing a partnership with Oracle Corporation to store U.S. user data on Oracle’s platform. The partnership is planned to cost tens of billions of dollars.
4. Amazon’s new Sydney distribution center completed
Recently, Amazon Amazon’s “last mile” logistics and distribution center in Sydney was completed. The project cost $66 million (about RMB 454 million) and is located near the Victoria Airport Authority on 7.8 acres (about 31565.46 square meters).
5. Jingdong Thailand will stop service on March 31
The backend of Jingdong’s Thailand station shows that the station will cease all services on March 31, 2023. It is reported that Jingdong closed the Thailand station in order to reduce costs and increase efficiency and focus resources on cross-border supply chain infrastructure, including Southeast Asia.
6. Pinduoduo Temu warehouse suspended receipt of goods
Recently, a number of sellers received a notice from Temu, due to the serious accumulation of goods in Temu’s warehouse, the preparation of goods into the warehouse will be suspended in the near future, all new products all stop on the new, all goods suspended restocking. The time of suspension is still uncertain, and is expected to be around a week.
In addition, Poundland cross-border e-commerce Temu plans to go live on the UK site on March 25. temu insiders confirmed the news, and said that other European countries are also in the pipeline, the future of Africa, Latin America and other regions are also temu’s expansion targets.
Last September, Poundland officially launched Temu in North America. Up to now, Temu has dominated the AppStore shopping list and GooglePlay shopping list for many days respectively, with more than 40 million new downloads.
7. 2023 China Cross Border E-Commerce Fair Opens
On March 18, 2023 China Cross Border E-Commerce Fair opened with the opening ceremony announcing that 2023 is the first year of globalization of China Cross Border Fair. eBay and a large number of well-known platforms in the industry with international popularity and industry influence exhibited collectively.
This year’s cross-fair to trade as the focus, the scale of 70,000 square meters, the supply chain booth size of not less than 80%. Many well-known export-oriented industry belts in the country exhibitors, covering a total of more than 20 provinces and cities in more than 60 industrial belts, foreign trade traditional industrial belt to become the “main force”.
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Make the most out of your vegetables with incredible Manual Vegetable Cutter Slicer . Whether you're looking to make a stir-fry or a vegetable medley, it'll only take you seconds to Julienne your vegetables . Simply place the vegetables you want to cut into the bin and rotate the handle . It's as easy as that! https://zafyn.com/collections/new-products/products/manual-vegetable-slicer
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About Me: 31yrs, together 8, engaged 3, wedding in September 2023.
Read: NMMNG
Reading: TWofSM, NMMNG (to compete breaking free activities)
Physical: 5’10”, 192lbs, 5x a week gym to cut weight (running, calisthenics, boxing, yoga - all the faggotry that doesn’t include Lift)
Context: I found MRP 3 weeks ago and haven’t been this deep in a rabbit hole since I YouTube’d TuPac and Biggie conspiracy theories 7 years ago. Immediately the ideas resonated with me. I remember before meeting my fiancé how I would approach random women and lightly game every encounter. I was a man who knew what he wanted, had direction, and led his loved ones. I kept this up with my fiancé (gf at the time) and not sure how, or when, I became a drunk-blue-pill-guzzling-bitch-captain.
MRP has helped me recognize this, frustrated me in accepting this, but also provided ideas to apply, which I’ve done so successfully (minor Rambo). I traveled for work the week I found AskMRP and gamed the waitress at the restaurant. Got her number, invited her to my hotel after, she met me in the lobby and we went for a walk and I K-Closed. The following week I gamed the receptionist at the hotel lobby in passing all day in a different city and at the end of her shift I fingered her in the parking lot and K-Closed.
Now, as my shovel digs the rabbit hole deeper I realize that these two events were self-validating. Definitely the second one. But also, digging deeper has allowed me to start gaming my fiancé again, has improved my stale sex life with her, and I’ve noticed a shift in the dynamic at home. I’m leading more and she is following more. I’m also recognizing shit tests, and working on not DEERing by maintaining frame.
I did have a successful non-DEERing experience via text in which she wanted me to further explain a text which made her angry, but as I kept negging and refusing to DEER, she diffused her own emotions and realized I was being sarcastic. This was an Ah-ha! moment in my MRP experience in regards to applying what I’m learning.
I fully understand I’m still a Retard and have a lot of work to do to reap the benefits of this community. Take this Field Report as a beginners value-add.

I have a Samsung tv that I will watch the Samsung TV Plus channels on.
I jump back and forth on a few like ION, ION Plus, and ElectricNOW.
They show the Librarians episodes very often.
I own the all 3 Librarian movies and the box set for the The Librarians so I pretty good of what is what.
Was watching the pilot "And the Crown of King Arthur" the other day, and in one of the opening scene when they were collecting the other librarians up I saw something funny. When Eve when to the bar to pick up Jake the scene starts out with Jake siting at the bar talking to another work buddy when Lamia walk in looking around. His buddy points her out and says I going to make my move. He comes back because she turn him down because he didn't know anything about her tattoo she had. And the rebroadcast version they skip this scene and go right to where Jake walk up to her.
I know they edit stuff for time and other stuff, but I felt this not ever 30 seconds that was cut was needed.
Now to my question, has anyone else notice on any of the other rebroadcast that has been edited?

I am not Bal Gangadhar Tilak, that savant of plate tectonics who formulated a Unified Field Theory of India when he reconciled the … oh let’s call it … fact of India being the birthplace of humanity with the equally muscular fact of only cold places producing intelligence by his earth-shattering (literally) discovery that India as a whole moved up to the North Pole where Manu was placed on it, and then made a return journey to the tropics and thus was born the greatest civilization the world will ever know.
I am not one of the great thinkers this land seems to be producing at an ever-accelerating pace, who have been able to decipher that Christianity is basically Krishna-neeti (Krishna’s policy) and Kaaba (Mecca) is a Hindu temple, and how India invented nuclear weapons (and called them Brahmastra) and diplomacy (krisna-neeting it Chanakya neeti). With these twain weapons shall India destroy and isolate Pakistan!
Hell, I am not even Narendra Damodar Das Modi, who cut through the fog of Chinese herbal teas and PM2.5 to ascertain that genetic science and plastic surgery was born in Ancient India as well, proof being the in vitro birth of Karan in Mahabharat and the replacement of the human head of Lord Ganesh with an elephant head, respectively.
No, sadly, I am a mere mleccha from a cold place and while that might give the Gangadhar a headache (Can I be intelligent?), it means I can only aspire to the lofty high these visionaries have attained.
So I dare not present grand facts about huge things. I will only make a tiny proposal about a small place.
Kashmir has been an eyesore on India’s body politic for the last 72 years. The average life expectancy in India is only 68.5 years, so there is a danger the eyesore might become congenital. The latest attack on Indian armed forces at Lithpur in District Pulwoam, where a Kashmiri suicide bomber killed more than forty Indian soldiers, can become India’s “enough is enough” moment. While randomly beating and harassing Kashmiris working or studying in various parts of Bharat is a good beginning, it won’t be enough. After all, if killing more than 80,000 Kashmiris and making about 10,000 of them disappear has not taught them a lesson, what will a few beatings achieve? No, India needs to do more.
This is my cue. Hear me out.
What are the various dimensions of the Kashmir problem?
Well, first of all, there is Pakistan, that bloody old Mamlikat-e-Khudadaad (I don’t even know what that means). They have been brainwashing Kashmiris from across the border while India, which holds the territory through its 700,000 soldiers and an iron-clad administration, has failed to convince Kashmiris about the merits of living in the World’s Largest Democracy. Unfortunately, brainwashing was not invented in Ancient India. Pakistan needs to be made to understand that its wishy-washy attempts to wash away India from Kashmir by brainwashing Kashmiris are mere pipe dreams.
Then there are these ungrateful Kashmiris themselves. I mean how many free and fair elections does India need to conduct in the state for Kashmiris to understand how much it loves them? Do the Kashmiris even realize what a logistic nightmare it is to muzzle every independent voice and put a soldier on every inch of the troubled land before every election so that its freeness and fairness is not called into question? Granted that India has made mistakes in Kashmir in the past; but if Kashmiris can’t forgive India, maybe India needs to find a new way to make its point.
Finally, what about Kashmiri Pandits? Kashmir was their land. It was a Hindu land. According to a Hindu myth, it was satisar, a great lake extending from Vearnag in the southeast to Varmul in the northwest, populated only by Jaludbhav, a rakshas (demon) who had been given the boon of immortality by Brahma himself, as long as he stayed in the water. Then the Pandits came from the banks of Saraswati in Haryana to settle on the banks of the lake (they loved their fish, still do). But Jaludbhav would gobble anyone who went near the lake. So they pleaded with Vishnu to rid them of the demon, and he sent Kashyap Rishi to drain the lake, leaving Jaludbhav vulnerable to Vishnu’s Sudharshan Chakra. Later, the mleccha came and polluted this holy land with their azaans and beef-eating. The holy land needs to be purified and restored to its formal liquid glory.
What if I tell you that my solution will take care of all these dimensions? Talk about single-window clearance! Am I a Modi Bhakt or what?
Ok, so here it goes. India needs to detonate a single thermonuclear device near Uri. Call it Surgical Strike 3.0. Since Uri means “the udder of a cow”, the strike can also be called Gau Raksha 1.0. Whatever the name, it will seal the narrow passage the Jhelum uses to sneak out of Indian-controlled Kashmir into Azad Kashmir. The result: Infiltration of water across the Line of Control will stop. Kashmir’s water will stay in the valley, slowly submerging towns and villages starting from Varmul, Sopore and Bandepur, then Srinagar and Ganderbal, then Pulwoam, Kopwoar, Badgoam, Koalgoam, Shopian, and Islambad, right upto Vearnag. Kashmir will become satisar, in the great Indian tradition of first inventing a legend and then creating it in reality. Kashmiris who are able to swim to safety can then be relocated to various manageable-sized colonies across India or given the option of going to Pakistan.
Varmul is at a height of 1,600 m above the sea level; Vearnag, at 1,850 m; the Baanhaal pass, at 2,832 m; Peer ki Galli, at 3,485 m; Zojila, at 3,485; and Sinthan, at 3,792. So, even after the blast, the blocked passageway, at about 2,600 m, will continue to be the lowest point of exit for the accumulating water. The volume of water that the bowl-shaped vale will be able to retain can be calculated from the formula for shallow domes, as follows:

Surface area of the Kashmir valley = 16,000 km2
Highest point = 2.6 km above sea level (Uri post-Gau Raksha 1.0)
Lowest point = 1.6 km above sea level (Varmul)
Therefore, height (h) of the spherical section = 1 km
Area of a spherical cap = 2 π r h. Here, area = 16,000 km2 and h = 1 km.
Therefore, r = 2,548 km
Volume will be π h2 (3 r – h) / 3; in our case, h = 1 km and r = 2,548 km.
Therefore, the volume of water in satisar will be = 8,000 km3 (approximately) or about 512 billion m3.

The ballpark figure of the flow of Jhelum’s water at Uri is around 4,000 m3 per second, so it will take about 128,000,000 seconds to fill up the satisar. This amounts to about 1,480 days. while that might be enough time to make Pakistan forget Karbala, india does not need to take any chances. So the strategic nuclear blast will have to be combined with the construction of a giant water wheel at the Baanhaal pass to ferry the water, once the satisar fills up, across the Pir Panjal Range and into the River Chenab, from where it can be sent to East Punjab through a network of canals starting at Reasi. It will ensure that Pakistan does not receive a drop of the water flowing in Jhelum and Chenab.
A similar Patisar (“pati” in Kashmir means “backyard” or “behind”) can be created in Ladakh, and its water ferried over the Zojila pass into satisar, from where it can then be transported to the Chenab by the aforementioned channels, or sold to China at a discounted price. In this manner, Pakistan will lose the water of Indus as well.
Thus, all the three goals will be achieved. Kashmir will become India’s forever and ever. Tourism will bloom as more space becomes available for houseboats and shikara rides. There will be an abundant supply of fish as well. The two giant water wheels at Zojila and Baanhal will be among the chief tourist attractions and can also be repurposed or diversified as Ferris wheels. Two, all of Pakistan’s rivers will run dry, its people will die of thirst, and it will have no water with which to brainwash Kashmiris. The icing on the cake will be the fact of Kashmir becoming satisar, the wet dream of so many visionaries.

The writer claims to be a direct descendant of Jaludbhav
https://raiot.in/a-modest-proposal-to-solve-the-kashmir-problem/

We are Azure Infinitum
Visit us at: (https://www.azureinfinitum.com/)
You may have seen us in the Aether data center's party finder during our weekly events, or may have seen our recruitment shouts around the realm in-game in Midgardsormr, but there just isn't enough space in those places to really explain everything wonderful about what our Free Company and community is.
Azure Infinitum is an LGBTQ+ friendly community, and welcomes players of all experience level, play style, and availability. We're a warm home with a balance of online players, weekly optional activities, and flexible ranks from our membership, to our support & leadership categories. We have a 24/7 Support Team, a Councilship that governs each tier, seasonal events of our own, and many resources between the games we support and online services.
Who We Are
We are an established 9-year old community who's home is in Midgardsormr Server of Final Fantasy XIV. We are a structured, well-rounded, welcoming, friendly, and organized community that hosts daily events (check out our calendar: https://azureinfinitum.com/events/ ) that provide opportunity for members to excel. We work to provide an arena and opportunities to establish strong bonds and camaraderie between our members. As a community we are driven, we carry each other forward, and we are proud.
Our Name & Philosophy
Learn more about our global community here: (https://www.azureinfinitum.com/aboutus/)
Learn more about our FFXIV Free Company here: (https://www.azureinfinitum.com/ourffxivfc/)
Azure Infinitum means "Azure/Blue Infinity or Infinite Blue/Azure" and there is some mythos behind the name that stems from our guild-wide philosophy of kindness, freedom, vigilance, diversity and activity. We promote positive fellowship among members in an organized guild, with our sights open to our unending endless skies, full of possibility and success together.
Our motto is "As Free As The Azure Sky!" which stuck well when our FC was restructured from an old guild in 2014 as Azure was founded, and it was first shouted as we looked out at a clear blue sky above. has continued to be our electric victory as we continue to snowball in success and activity, our members soaring high through the Azure Sky, flying together!
Ranks
Click here to learn more about our community ranks: (https://www.azureinfinitum.com/ranks/)
Our community has an organized ranking structure beginning with Members who comprise the majority of the roster. Scouts are our support team of Members who've stepped up to more officially support the FC, some work on obtaining a future leadership rank. Lieutenants and Officers comprise the proud Azure Council, a diverse group of players of different specialties and services to the FC, making up lower and higher tier leadership, seeing over the Scouts and the FC weekly events, aside from being admins. The FC Infinitum Master oversees all and leads the Azure Council and the company forward while always keeping the heart and vision of the community alive and in sight. Currently we are re-assessing ranks in the free company, giving more support permissions and duties to our Scouts, while the current council operates as a small team of Lieutenants lead by the FC Master.
Everyone Welcome and Who Fits Best
We have an open door policy. Whether you're casual, a returning player, a veteran, or a newbie, we have a vast array of players in our member roster. Our weekly schedule is organized and provides an array of activity for players of most levels, however we like to ask players who're pretty new or under the level cap, to be extra vocal about their needs while they're still unable to attend some daily events or higher level content that most of our weekly lineup focuses on. We want everyone to have as much fun as possible and have the most success. We find that most players enjoy Azure Infinitum, many have stated that they subscribed to FFXIV much longer than they ever would have imagined after they have been around in our community, as they've gotten involved and experienced all that we offer.
Our FC keeps a daily schedule (see here: https://www.azureinfinitum.com/events/) of events that are hosted by permitted Scouts and Council ranks, these range from 8-man and 24-man raids and map parties, to WT journal groups and trial clear parties or farms, and more- and attending anything isn't mandatory at all here. We're happy to have you, and its up to our members how much they'd like to get involved. Attendance is optional! There's never any stress to attend FC functions.
Savage Raiding Statement
We find that some hardcore raiders looking for free companies just to join their statics who don't already have one, might not fit well if savage raiding is their only or greatest focus, because traditionally Azure does not have a Savage Static, but focuses more on allowing members to organize their own groups and also provides resources to do so. Despite not supporting an official static for the FC, we hope that hardcore raiders enjoy the wealth of our community's wealth of harmony and overall fun, and that everyone may take initiative to seek out or build a raiding static within our community if they are interested, as opposed to missing out on experiencing Azure. Depending on the content season, we may have an Unofficial static lead by a leader, and routinely offer limited time Savage-learning events that may run for a number of months.
Rules and No Drama Policy
Please take a moment to look over our Rules Page at (https://www.azureinfinitum.com/rules/), we find that rude individuals and people who create drama are the outsiders here that don't fit well. We know its a big page, so at least visit the General Rules section before joining.
Recruitment Care & Activity
People of Azure Infinitum are often if not always good natured players who found their way to our community looking for a place with structure, friendliness, organization, and great activity, or they've been scouted during recruitment drives and have been well screened. Its a place where one can be social and attend everything, or relax in the background and enjoy the services and facilities of being in an active, organized, and friendly FC. We actively recruit periodically to assist with upkeep of community activity levels, and to meet new comrades. A community that closes recruitment can be doomed to stagnation. Its normal for a community to have an inner core of die hards who log in daily regardless of content releases, and also have an outer core of individuals that range from those with less availability to those who check in during Patches. This is why we take extra care in keeping the fresh blood flowing into Azure, cautious recruitment, and support our active model by always staying welcoming and sometimes running recruitment campaigns and other services. Like this ad!
Handling Online Drama
Because we keep a no-drama policy and have a strong communication network, it is leadership's ultimate priority to handle any issues that may come up as soon as possible, and most people appreciate our problem solving which has inspired many other communities. Between our Support & Leadership ranks, we use a number of report and resource channels to handle situations, and perform problem solving protocols & tactics to fairly address issues as possible. Drama is inevitable at some point for any online community, so its important to have a large and strong list of moderators (currently around 60!) and a council of leaders (15+) to quickly handle any problems. Luckily, we don't have a lot of drama, but we're always very well equipped and very prepared. Our community has been commended by game staff in the past for our methods, and we have worked with the FFXIV Special Task Force to ensure as much safety to our community as achievable. It should be stressed that it is up to our membership to report to GM's in-game, and to Azure Leadership should any issues or concerns come up. Its also highly recommended that our members appropriately document evidence that can be used to help us assess situations and make proper decisions. Documenation such as screenshots of harassment is a great example! Our members online safety is greatly important to us and is a number one concern of our leadership team. Our Rules Page at: (https://www.azureinfinitum.com/rules/) describes a bit more in Chapter 3, including other entries on avoiding/ignoring trolls, playing while intoxicated, depression, and more.
Our Philosophy
We believe in our community and its people, how far we can go, how much we can do for each other, being an experienced community who's core values are positive fellowship, formation of bonds, and indomitable unity.
Azure Infinitum tightly grasps success and masters a casual and lucrative weekly play schedule while inspiring motivation and providing avenues for further success, friendships, and camaraderie among all who freely fly together among our Azure skies.
Founding on the principles of intricately forging a generally drama-free experience with keen leadership and a zealous and mighty membership, Azure has striven to guide and support many hundreds of players through every era of Final Fantasy XIV.
With an illustrious history, company lore, impressive statistics, and a model that is adaptable and blessed with innovative ability, Azure Infinitum claims a dominant presence of excellence and player growth that is possible in our community and extended services.
Estate Organization
We have the entire set-up at our estate, from gardens for members and Krakka Root production (free for members' chocobos), to our stables, nicely uniform clean lawn with hangout spots that are popular, with crafting stations, all available NPCs for simple mats and repairs, cut-scene viewer, toybox, triple-triad board, a fully operational and geared fleet of airships and subs, and our Azure Infinitum Assembly Chamber on the top floor for our meetings where announcements are made at our Grand Assemblies. Check it out if you like at Mist Ward 7 Plot 1.
We also have an organized form of gathering for weekly events in the yard, places to relax, food that is always available on tables at our Cellar, and hold a lot of special events and social games at our Hall. We're also conveniently located next to a Market Board and a Retainer Bell outside of our estate.
Communication and Extended Azure Services
We have multiple services of which none are mandatory, but we provide being (azureinfinitum.com) where our Forums, Event Calendar, News, Company Meeting Summaries, Seasonal Merch Giveaways, Contests, Rules Page, and more take place and can be found. We also have a popular and active Discord Server.
We also have a Facebook Group, Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram, Steam Group, (Look us up! Or visit: (https://www.azureinfinitum.com/socialmedia/) and Linkshells like our Infinitum Alliance LS for contact and aid from our allies if needed, our Azure Hunters LS for Hunters, and our Azure Industry LS which connects our members to our inner crafting/gathering community for newbies to pros.
Also worthy of mention is our big Company Meetings in-game, known as Azure Infinitum Grand Assemblies. Even though we have several avenues that keep people connected, our live assemblies gather the FC in unity where announcements are made first, and all proposals, ideas, and more, can be decided together live with the Azure Council present.
This network ensures a lot of information and communication gets around and has been exceedingly useful to us.
More On Events
One part of our reputation that often precedes us is our event crafting and hosting.
First, let me make sure its clear that attendance is never mandatory, but those who can make use, when possible, of what we provide each day, benefit from our events each week.
Since our beginning, traditions like our Thursday Treasure Thursdays events have run each week. Our weekly line-up presently begins on Tuesdays post-weekly reset, and consists of Raid Tuesdays, Wondrous Wednesdays (WT Journal Parties, often doubles as Trial Clears and Pony Drops), Treasure Thursdays (Endwalker's timeworn maps with groups of 8 doing up to 3 rounds of maps allowing for up to 24 maps ran), 24-Man Tuesdays (full pre-formed Azure 24-member alliances are made and raids are cleared, will be returning upon the release of EW's 24-man), Super Azure Slayer Sunday (our weekly meetup to do all sorts of PVP content be it Rival Wings or Frontline), and Monstrous Mondays (helps clear the current and previous patch extreme trials).
Special, Seasonal, and Quarterly Events
More info here: (https://www.azureinfinitum.com/azureday/)See the latest event news & more at: (https://www.azureinfinitum.com/news/)
We also have what we call Special and Quarterly Events. These types of events are Weekend-Long-Events that usually consist of a theme or celebratory social events we craft. During these events we hold big Riddle Races, Costume/Glamour shows and contests, 3-Story Mansion Maze Races, Speedrun Dungeon Races, Hide and Seek games, Custom Quest Events, Discord events like Cards Against Humanity nights, Comedy events, PVP Tournament Circuits, and more.
Our Special and Quarterly events are Azure Day Weekend (Takes place 3 times a year across a weekend, celebrates the FC), Azure Summer Festival (3-days at the end of August in partnership with Child's Play, raises money for children in long-term care, anniversary of historic FC event called the Lunar Rebellion), Anniversary Azure Day (a big weekend event in November that celebrates our Founding), Azure Day Saint's Wake (celebrates Halloween/All Saint's Wake), Azure Starlight Day (celebrating Starlight Day/Christmas/December Holiday Season), Azure Grand Melee and Duel Tournaments (PVP Circuit series crowning our PVP Champions) and more.
Azure Day Weekends
If you've been around our server you may have heard of our Azure Day Weekends. Our Azure Days take place quarterly as mentioned just above, with four evolved editions called Azure Summer Festival, Azure Day Saint's Wake, Azure Starlight Day, and Anniversary Azure Day. With Azure Day Weekends and related events traditionally occuring quarterly our members are always excited to see the next big weekend of crazy and fun social games, and our showering of the free company in gil and prizes galore. We go all out when we celebrate the free company, and Azure Days are another way we find for leadership to give back to the community. 2023 and beyond is now host to additional seasonal Azure Day events!
We're always giving our members a chance to have fun, win big, and make some great memories in the in-game family we've become. Something fun is always on the horizon in Azure.
Community
I almost can't stress enough how friendly our community is. We have a vast variety of members from hardcore gatherers and crafters, social butterflies, chill veterans, experienced raiders, level grinders, support teams, PVP aficionados, mechanic specialists, and mentors. We're also very friendly to all casual players as well and we keep an open door so long as recruits are always aware that we have a no-drama tolerance here.
​Evolution into a Gaming Clan & Network
Plans are in the works and foundations are being laid that is slowly turning our community into a larger gaming network, with our first established Azure Wing with regular occurring activity being founded in Monster Hunter World, this has led to a successful Destiny 2 clan and more. Becoming a member of our Discord and/or Free Company now means access to things like our huge discord, Azure Wing membership in other games, and being able to join in on any of our other activities in the general community. Azure Network as its being called at the moment, is growing with an all-new website and community features for playing together across Final Fantasy XIV and to Azure Skies beyond!
Activity
We rank high as one of the top FC's in Worldwide Activity on lodestone, and have for a long time. Most of our players are divided between the US East and West Coasts, members in East and West Canada, and a few outside the US or in EU or Aus zones. Because we do have an activity policy (mentioned below) we keep a standard flow of people, and have crowds in the early morning, late morning, early afternoon, afternoon, evening, and late night crowds.
Elitism isn't our style. Our community boasts a broad range of characters, great personalities, the proud, and also some silly goofs. But elitism isn't welcome, no matter how successful we are or how large we grow. We're always welcoming towards fresh faces interested in joining our guild, and the in-game activity ranges between 30-60+ online at once during prime time hours, sometimes around 70+ on patch days, and usually always with half the roster logging in throughout a 24 hour period, and around 15-30+ during the night.
Activity Policy
We ask that our members do not go missing without logging in for more than 60 days straight. If we hear word from someone or have some kind of decent excuse, we place our members on our On Vacation rank, which lasts presently until 90 days have passed. Exceptions are made for military deployments, hospital stays, financial issues, disability/health related issues, moving, or other reasons that might fall on a case-by-case basis.
All members not heard from in 60 days (roughly 2 months) or currently 90 days (roughly 3 months) are discharged. We allow 3 joins to Azure Infinitum in total, but exceptions can be made due to reasons listed above. If removed for inactivity, or you've left our FC for another reason and haven't already joined 3 times, you're always welcome back, but please remember, we are not a revolving door.
Keeping our roster full of members who have been online and presently play the game actively ensures an active environment for our players who play often. It also keeps our credits and clerical processes balanced across our network, and allows space for new faces to join our big happy in-game family of comrades.
How to Join
Quick Instructions here for joinin us in FFXIV & more: (https://www.azureinfinitum.com/howtojoinazure/)
If you are interested in joining our Azure Infinitum free company, please register an application at our site and/or FC in-game. You can also seek any of our Scouts, Lieutenants, Officers, or the Master of Azure Infinitum in-game and ask for an invite. You can find their names on the roster page at our website.
If you read everything on this page, you are awesome, and you should let anyone you talk to who recruits you know that you read everything on this page which will greatly expedite your invitation to join.
If you have any questions whatsoever feel free to send a /tell in-game to me or any of our Scouts or Lieutenants listed on our official roster here: https://na.finalfantasyxiv.com/lodestone/freecompany/9232519973597911137/membe
You can also message us at our FB Page: https://www.facebook.com/AzureInfinitum
Discord here: https://discord.gg/azureinfinitum
Twitter: https://twitter.com/azureinfinitum
Insta: https://www.instagram.com/azure_infinitum/
Main Site: https://www.azureinfinitum.com/

I want to start by saying I love and care for my boyfriend deeply. He was my first love and first everything. I was 16 when we first started dating. From the beginning of our relationship, we had problems. For about a year he lied about talking to girls he said he blocked, his Reddit account, and he just treated me terribly. I dealt with it hoping he would change. After I found out about all of that we broke up for about two months. Eventually, we got back together and he honestly did do better. He started to actually love me and treat me right. However, we still fought a ton. I couldn't forgive him fully for lying to my face for a year. I held resentment and hatred. In December 2021 he developed an alcohol problem and tossed me aside. He wouldn't even touch me or be there for me mentally. I was nothing to him. I finally was at my last straw in October of 2022 and informed him he needed help and that I wouldn't be with him until he does. Around a week later I met a guy at work. I thought he was handsome but didn't think anything else. Let's call him big boy. Big boy and I hit it off immediately. He made me feel special and confident like I was worth more than I ever thought I could be. We talked for months and I loved every minute of it. I cut off our friendship to be with my boyfriend. His drinking problem did get better and I'm happy he did. After 3 months of not talking to a big boy, I miss him every day. I'm scared to cut off my current relationship because he's all I know.
TLDR: Scared to leave boyfriend of five year but I am in love with someone else.

I want to start by saying I love and care for my boyfriend deeply. He was my first love and first everything. I was 16 when we first started dating. From the beginning of our relationship, we had problems. For about a year he lied about talking to girls he said he blocked, his Reddit account, and he just treated me terribly. I dealt with it hoping he would change. After I found out about all of that we broke up for about two months. Eventually, we got back together and he honestly did do better. He started to actually love me and treat me right. However, we still fought a ton. I couldn't forgive him fully for lying to my face for a year. I held resentment and hatred. In December 2021 he developed an alcohol problem and tossed me aside. He wouldn't even touch me or be there for me mentally. I was nothing to him. I finally was at my last straw in October of 2022 and informed him he needed help and that I wouldn't be with him until he does. Around a week later I met a guy at work. I thought he was handsome but didn't think anything else. Let's call him big boy. Big boy and I hit it off immediately. He made me feel special and confident like I was worth more than I ever thought I could be. We talked for months and I loved every minute of it. I cut off our friendship to be with my boyfriend. His drinking problem did get better and I'm happy he did. After 3 months of not talking to a big boy, I miss him every day. I'm scared to cut off my current relationship because he's all I know.
TLDR: Scared to leave boyfriend of five year but I am in love with someone else.

About Me: 31yrs, together 8, engaged 3, wedding in September 2023.
Read: NMMNG
Reading: TWofSM, NMMNG (to compete breaking free activities)
Physical: 5’10”, 192lbs, 5x a week gym to cut weight (running, calisthenics, boxing, yoga - all the faggotry that doesn’t include Lift)
Context: I found MRP 3 weeks ago and haven’t been this deep in a rabbit hole since I YouTube’d TuPac and Biggie conspiracy theories 7 years ago. Immediately the ideas resonated with me. I remember before meeting my fiancé how I would approach random women and lightly game every encounter. I was a man who knew what he wanted, had direction, and led his loved ones. I kept this up with my fiancé (gf at the time) and not sure how, or when, I became a drunk-blue-pill-guzzling-bitch-captain.
MRP has helped me recognize this, frustrated me in accepting this, but also provided ideas to apply, which I’ve done so successfully (minor Rambo). I traveled for work the week I found AskMRP and gamed the waitress at the restaurant. Got her number, invited her to my hotel after, she met me in the lobby and we went for a walk and I K-Closed. The following week I gamed the receptionist at the hotel lobby in passing all day in a different city and at the end of her shift I fingered her in the parking lot and K-Closed.
Now, as my shovel digs the rabbit hole deeper I realize that these two events were self-validating. Definitely the second one. But also, digging deeper has allowed me to start gaming my fiancé again, has improved my stale sex life with her, and I’ve noticed a shift in the dynamic at home. I’m leading more and she is following more. I’m also recognizing shit tests, and working on not DEERing by maintaining frame.
I did have a successful non-DEERing experience via text in which she wanted me to further explain a text which made her angry, but as I kept negging and refusing to DEER, she diffused her own emotions and realized I was being sarcastic. This was an Ah-ha! moment in my MRP experience in regards to applying what I’m learning.
I fully understand I’m still a Retard and have a lot of work to do to reap the benefits of this community. Take this Field Report as a beginners value-add.