I’ve been in bed for a few hours and need to be up early so might as well try to pass some time in case I fall asleep eventually or maybe I’ll end up resorting to coffee and a power nap to get me through the day

Hello, my name is Abraham. I am 44 years old and disabled. If you’re still reading, thank you, I am a father too 2 daughters oldest is 22 youngest is 12. youngest daughter lives with me oldest daughter doesn’t.
I am family oriented down to earth single. I prefer home-cooked meals to dining out theaters to clubs. I enjoy a variety of hobbies ranging from camping to photography. I enjoy crafting and building things with my hands.
Honestly, after that, I don’t really know what to tell any of you. I am looking for a partner that will love me as I love them not for what they can give me or what I can give them, but because of who we are together. . I want somebody that I can cuddle on the couch with and cook in the kitchen with. Someone who I can pull back into bed in the morning and just hold tight. I want one person to spend the rest my life with. I want someone who will love me and my kids equally.
I know it’s a longshot, but maybe there’s somebody out there. If you’ve reached this far, then shoot me a message , nothing to lose, but a little bit a time .

Why me?

• There is my REPUTATION page on REDDIT with feedback (so you 100% protected when trade with me): https://www.reddit.com/Reppit/comments/gurpq8/self_ucollectorcache_dota_2_collectors_cache/
• Since my first sale in 2014, I have become the BIGGEST cache trader on reddit (Have 12000+ Cache sets and sold 3000+ sets).

Best Selling Deals:

• Do not comment on my steam profile. Just pm me on reddit and give your steam link. I disable new comments in profile because some scammers adds to all who send comments.
• I am no longer entertaining joy riders so 20% reserve fee(but 3$ min) required at the time of reserving cache sets. It will be subtracted from the total cost. If you decide to retract your reservation, there will be no refunds.
• We need to be friends for at least 30 days to be able to send the item/set as a gift. Buyer always goes first and i take only crypto or skins as payment.

steam link: https://steamcommunity.com/id/Collectors_Cache/

Aghanim's 2021 Collector's Cache:

Set [Hero]	Price[items]	Reserved/Sold
Silverwurm Sacrifice [Dragon Knight ]	17$	33 Sold
Scales of the Shadow Walker [Phantom Lancer]	13$	44 Sold
Perception of the First Light [Dawnbreaker]	14$	37 Sold
Apex Automated [Clockwerk]	13$	38 Sold
Test of the Basilisk Lord [Razor]	8$	41 Sold
Secrets of the Frost Singularity [Ancient Apparition ]	5$	36 Sold
Perils of the Red Banks [Chen]	9$	40 Sold
The Chained Scribe [Grimstroke]	9$	38 Sold
Widow of the Undermount Gloom [Broodmother]	9$	33 Sold
Forgotten Fate [Mars]	5$	44 Sold
March of the Crackerjack [Rubick]	10$	37 Sold
Stranger in the Wandering Isles [Drow Ranger ]	20$	38 Sold
Cosmic Concoctioneers [Alchemist]	13$	41 Sold
Days of the Demon [Axe]	15$	36 Sold
Blightfall [Abaddon]	10$	40 Sold
Pyrexae Polymorph Perfected [Ogre Magi ]	30$	38 Sold
Wrath of the Celestial Sentinel [Chaos Knight ]	47$	26 Sold

Nemestice Collector's Cache 2021:

Set [Hero]	Price[items]	Reserved/Sold
Twilight Hex [Dark Willow]	13$	23 Sold
Litany of the Damned [Doom]	12$	25 Sold
Astral Terminus [Enigma]	5$	21 Sold
Caerulean Star [Enchantress]	6$	21 Sold
Arcane Inverter [Gyrocopter]	15$	23 Sold
Creed of the Skullhound [Lycan]	18$	22 Sold
Desert Bloom [Nature's Prophet]	8$	22 Sold
Silence of the Starweaver [Oracle]	7$	23 Sold
Eyriebound Imperator [Skywrath Mage]	9$	21 Sold
Anthozoan Assault [Tiny]	13$	21 Sold
Vision of the Seraph Scion [Vengeful Spirit]	26$	23 Sold
Defender of the Brumal Crest [ Winter Wyvern]	8$	23 Sold
Red Sands Marauder [Shadow Shaman]	13$	21 Sold
Indomitable Legacy [Sven]	48$	21 Sold
Footfalls of the Sporefathers [ Witch Doctor]	45$	13 Sold

The International 2020 Collector's Cache I:

Set [Hero]	Price[items]	Reserved/Sold
Origin of the Dark Oath[Night Stalker]	25$	32 Sold
Ravenous Abyss [Underlord]	15$	36 Sold
Apocalypse Unbound [Ancient Apparition]	9$	31 Sold
Beholden of the Banished Ones [Warlock]	10$	39 Sold
Fury of the Righteous Storm [Disruptor]	5$	25 Sold
Lineage of the Stormlords [Juggernaut]	27$	43 Sold
Silent Slayer [Silencer]	15$	47 Sold
Mindless Slaughter [Pudge]	17$	28 Sold
Heartless Hunt [Bounty Hunter]	9$	32 Sold
Herald of the Ember Eye [Grimstroke]	10$	36 Sold
Fissured Flight [Jakiro]	5$	29 Sold
Flashpoint Proselyte [Huskar]	11$	36 Sold
Signs of the Allfather [Nature's Prophet]	15$	37 Sold
Glory of the Elder Flame [Lina]	25$	42 Sold
Songs of Starfall Glen [Enchantress]	10$	35 Sold
Ancient Inheritance [Tiny]	27$	51 Sold
Forsworn Legacy [Mars]	40$	24 Sold
Spirit of the Sacred Grove [Mirana]	100$	30 Sold

The International 2020 Collector's Cache II:

Set [Hero]	Price[items]	Reserved/Sold
Evolution of the Infinite [Enigma]	5$	33 Sold
Beast of the Crimson Ring [Bristleback]	9$	42 Sold
Clearcut Cavalier [Timbersaw]	6$	36 Sold
The King Of Thieves [Keeper of the Light]	9$	34 Sold
Horror from the Deep [Tidehunter]	22$	47 Sold
Ire of the Ancient Gaoler [Arc Warden]	40$	39 Sold
Talons of the Endless Storm [Chaos Knight]	11$	33 Sold
Carousal of the Mystic Masquerade [Rubick]	6$	29 Sold
Crown of Calaphas [Shadow Demon]	10$	38 Sold
Wrath of the Fallen [Doom]	20$	31 Sold
Blacksail Cannoneer [Sniper]	8$	32 Sold
Secrets of the Celestial [Skywrath Mage]	5$	38 Sold
Blaze of Oblivion [Phoenix]	5$	23 Sold
Master of the Searing Path [Ember Spirit]	40$	37 Sold
Steward of the Forbidden Chamber [Templar Assassin]	24$	29 sold
Claszureme Incursion [Faceless Void]	57$	26 sold

The International 2019 Collector's Cache I:

Set [Hero]	Price[items]	Reserved/Sold
Echoes of the Everblack [Abaddon]	14$	52 Sold
Allure of the Faeshade Flower [Dark Willow]	25$	52 Sold
Paean of the Ink Dragon [Grimstroke]	9$	55 Sold
Scorched Amber [Dragon Knight]	19$	51 Sold
Priest of the Proudsilver Clan [Chen]	10$	53 Sold
The Arts of Mortal Deception [Enigma]	7$	57 Sold
Poacher's Bane [Tidehunter]	6$	59 Sold
Soul of the Brightshroud [Death Prothet]	9$	57 Sold
Curse of the Creeping Vine [Undying]	18$	56 Sold
Pursuit of the Ember Demons [Huskar]	14$	51 Sold
Appetites of the Lizard King [Slark]	25$	53 Sold
Forbidden Medicine [Dazzle]	17$	57 Sold
Riddle of the Hierophant [Oracle]	6$	59 Sold
Glimmer of the Sacred Hunt [Drow Ranger]	25$	57 Sold
Adornments of the Jade Emissary [Earth Spirit]	23$	57 Sold
Defender of Ruin [Disraptor]	18$	55 Sold
Gothic Whisper [ Phantom Assassin ]	70$	51 Sold

The International 2019 Collector's Cache II:

Set [Hero]	Price[items]	Reserved/Sold
Souls Tyrant [Shadow Field]	40$	42 Sold
Sight of the Kha-Ren Faithful [Drow Ranger]	15$	45 Sold
Tribal Pathways [Warlock]	6$	41 Sold
Directive of the Sunbound [Clockwerk]	8$	43 Sold
Prized Acquisitions [Batrider]	5$	47 Sold
Verdant Predator [Venomancer]	8$	49 Sold
Fury of the Bloodforge [Bloodseeker]	7$	47 Sold
Distinguished Expeditionary [Tusk]	8$	43 Sold
Automaton Antiquity [Broodmather]	8$	47 Sold
Tales of the Windward Rogue [Pangolier]	18$	48 Sold
Endless Night [Abaddon]	30$	44 Sold
Grim Destiny [Wraith King]	10$	47 Sold
Dapper Disguise [Pudge]	17$	47 Sold
Fowl Omen [Necrophos]	27$	40 Sold
Cinder Sensei [Ember Spirit]	70$	33 Sold

The International 2018 Collector's Cache I:

Set [Hero]	Price[items]	Reserved/Sold
Trail of the Sanguine Spectrum [Bloodseeker]	13$	23 Sold
Pitfall Crusader [Pangolier]	22$	23 Sold
Insights of the Sapphire Shroud [Dark Seer]	14	20 Sold
Pillar of the Fractured Citadel [Spirit Breaker]	16$	11 Sold
Forlorn Descent [Undying]	28$	16 Sold
Stonemarch Sovereign [Wraith King]	24$	17 Sold
The Murid Divine [Necrophos]	18$	16 Sold
Primer of the Sapper's Guile [Techies]	17$	18 Sold
Molokau Stalker [Venomancer]	17$	16 Sold
Morbific Provision [Witch Doctor]	17$	15 Sold
Raptures of the Abyssal Kin [Queen of Pain]	20$	20 Sold
Fate Meridian [invoker]	24$	20 Sold
Grasp of the Riven Exile [Weaver]	17$	17 Sold
Visions of the Lifted Veil [Phantom Assassin]	40$	14 Sold
Dread Compact [Warlock]	140$	9 Solt

The International 2018 Collector's Cache II:

Set [Hero]	Price[items]	Reserved/Sold
Pitmouse Fraternity [Meepo]	12$	95 Sold
Fires of the Volcanic Guard [Ember Spirit]	9$	73 Sold
Third Awakening [Dragon Knight]	19$	88 Sold
Shackles of the Enduring Conscript [Axe]	4$	58 Sold
Shimmer of the Anointed [Nyx Assassin]	4$	66 Sold
Cruelties of the Spiral Bore [Magnus]	20$	101 Sold
Loaded Prospects [Brewmaster]	14$	81 Sold
Ire of Molten Rebirth [Phoenix]	8$	74 Sold
Pattern of the Silken Queen [Broodmather]	4$	43 Sold
Dread Ascendance [Doom]	24$	92 Sold
The Rat King [Chen]	7$	68 Sold
Raiments of the Obsidian Forge [Underlord]	17$	53 Sold
Legends of Darkheart Pursuit [Night Stalker]	180$	41 Sold

The International 2017 Collector's Cache:

Set [Hero]	Price[items]	Reserved/Sold
Jolly Reaver [Pudge]	40$	21 Sold
Eternal Testament [Death Prothet]	20$	21 Sold
Secrets of the Katekhein [Winter Wyvern]	25$	22 Sold
Rumrunner's Carronade [Brewmaster]	27$	25 Sold
Abyssal Vortex [Enigma]	15$	23 Sold
Samareen Sacrifice [Huskar]	23$	22 Sold
Seablight Procession [Undying]	20$	23 Sold
Corruption of the Virulent Krait [Venomancer]	19$	22 Sold
Seaborne Reprisal [Kunkka]	70$	25 Sold
Pressure Regulator [Clockwerk]	15$	23 Sold
Meranth Dragoon [Sven]	40$	21 Sold
Spoils of the Vodou Rover [Witch Doctor]	18$	24 Sold
Shadowforce Gale [Luna]	17$	22 Sold
Mechalodon Interdictor [Gyrocopter]	22$	22 Sold
Riptide Raider [Monkey King]	25$	20 Sold
The Dread Prophet [Nature's Prophet]	20$	21 Sold
Covenant of the Depths [Invoker]	50$	23 Sold
Sovereign of the Kray Legions [Sand King]	25$	21 Sold
Cunning Corsair [Riki]	20$	22 Sold
Chitinous Stalker [Nyx Assassin]	30$	21 Sold
Manta Marauder [Batrider]	140$	8 Sold
Submerged Hazard [Tinker]	110$	14 Sold

The International 2016 Collector's Cache:

Set [Hero]	Price[items]	Reserved/Sold
Nightsilver's Resolve [Luna]	16$	9 Sold
Rising Glory [Magnus]	18$	4 Sold
Oni Knight the Dark Conqueror [Chaos Knight]	35$	9 Sold
Family Values Bundle [Meepo]	50$	7 Sold
Diabolical Fiend [Shadow Field]	50$	4 Sold
Iceburnt Elegy [Winter Wyvern]	18$	5 Sold
Heir of Terror [Bain]	17$	6 Sold
Diabolical Fiend [SF]	100$	7 Sold
Creeping Shadow [PA]	110$	8 Sold

So I was lying In bed watching TV when I get a random mention on a post of me and some other user that I won’t say for privacy reasons. I go onto the account and find out it was just a bot. Not too weird I’ve seen that happen a few times before. So I shrug it off but 2 minutes later the same account mentions me and another person again! At this time I start to get a little freaked out but I still keep my cool since it was the same bot and it just wanted to spam me with some link. But this is where it gets scary. A second later a new account mentions me and someone else giving me the same link. I’m really freaked out! Am I on some kind of hackers list or something? Is this something I should be worried about?

Setting a guest house requires careful planning and execution. But it doesn't have to cost a fortune to get your business up and running. With these cost-effective steps, you can start your guest house on the right foot without breaking the bank.
Firstly, decide on your target market and geographic location. Consider what type of guests you want to attract and identify an area that will appeal to them. This will help you establish a clear brand identity for your guest house, making it easier to promote through marketing strategies.
Next, create a business plan that outlines all the necessary steps required for setting-up guest houses. Determine how much startup capital you need and where you can find funding if needed. Consider creating partnerships with local businesses or seeking out investors who share your vision for your guest house. Lastly, focus on providing excellent service at an affordable price point.
Landscaping For Maximum Guest Comfort
Landscaping plays a crucial role in setting up guest houses in Bangalore to maximize comfort for visitors. Whether it’s a small bed and breakfast or a sprawling resort, the right landscaping can create an ambiance that guests will love. With careful planning and execution, you can transform your property into a relaxing haven for your guests.
The first thing to consider when landscaping for maximum guest comfort is the climate of your area. This will help you choose plants that thrive in the conditions and ensure they remain healthy all year round. You’ll also want to consider factors such as soil type, drainage, sun exposure, and wind patterns to determine which areas of your property are best suited for different types of plants. Another key factor in creating an inviting landscape is choosing the right colors and textures.
Tailoring Luxury Amenities To Suit Guests
Tailoring luxury amenities to suit guests is an essential aspect of setting up guest houses in Chennai. A guest house that offers personalized luxury amenities can be a game-changer in the hospitality industry. Today's travelers have become more demanding and expect high-quality services, accommodation, and facilities that cater to their specific needs.
To meet these expectations, it's important for guest houses to offer tailored services and amenities that are unique to each individual guest. This can range from offering customized meals based on dietary restrictions, providing luxurious spa treatments, or even arranging personalized tours of the city. By understanding the needs and preferences of each guest through careful communication and attention to detail, it becomes easier to tailor experiences that will leave a lasting impression on them.
In conclusion, tailoring luxury amenities is not only essential but also beneficial for both guests and business owners in the hospitality industry.

As it says DM for this courses:
I have the new Charlie Morgan Easy grow course
​
If you are interested in any of those, write me, it doesn't matter if you don't have anything to trade, just write me
​
DISCORD SERVER: https://discord.gg/PsPaJZUd5x
DISCORD USERNAME: PcAssets#1638
THIS IS MY TELEGRAM USERNAME THERE: t. me/Pcassets (Remove the space between "t." and "me" for the link to work properly or search directly for my telegram name Pcassets).
Do not send a dm to this reddit user please.
Over there, I'll share more than +600 comments with positive reviews from telegram users who have gotten assets from me in the past. And when I mean users I mean people you can ACTUALLY verify and message directly and ask... no fake reviews, from random youtube videos or reviews that are impossible to verify if they're actually real people, bots or multi accounts. I'll also send you proof that I have what you're looking for in a way that NO ONE else on reddit will be able to send you.

I'm male, 30 years old, 5'11", 190 pounds. I have Hashimoto's disease and collagen vascular disease. The collagen vascular disease is a tentative diagnosis because the only symptoms I have are a low wbc and low platelets. Doctors ruled a bunch of things out and think it's autoimmune. My rheumatologist used the term, but he said there's no more definite diagnosis that he can give. I take 75mcg Synthroid and 400mg hydroxychloroquine per day.
At night, I can hear sounds in my ears like blood flowing, a whooshing sound. It is only at night when it is quiet and I'm lying in bed. Is this something I should be concerned about?

I posted this in the CPTSD sub and wanted to share here too.
Two years ago, I was sent to a trauma focused treatment program for 4 months. I always knew I had a shitty childhood, but this place really rammed it into my head that I was ✨traumatized✨ and that I was a victim of repeated abuse since infancy. They broke down all of my walls and told me that I act the way I do because of my trauma.
I read all the books like you’re supposed to do and did nothing but focus on my “recovery.” I started having violent nightmares almost daily. This persists to this day and nothing seems to help.
Three separate treatment programs later, I still felt miserable. I did DBT, CPT, and still go to therapy twice a week. Medication does nothing for me - I’ve tried everything.
I cannot work. I can’t even clean my house. I get anxious and often dissociate when I simply run errands. I lay in bed all day just waiting for my partner to come home from work. I feel like a shell of a person.
Prior to treatment, I was a functioning adult. I had a career and regularly went to the gym and had hobbies I loved. Now, I have no desire to even try. Any happiness I felt in the past feels fake. I feel like I can never be happy again bc I have the knowledge now that I wasn’t really okay. Nothing brings me joy. All I can do is rot.
I genuinely feel like I’d be better off had I not opened up all my wounds. It’s like I can’t escape it now. I am too self aware and I’m just tired.
My life is so much worse now that I know what I know.

I’m 12 weeks pregnant and I’m 21. I wasn’t really expecting to get pregnant so soon but I’m happy to be pregnant but honestly my experience has been very hard. Ive been dealing with really bad morning sickness that lasts all day and I’ll throw up for hours even if I have nothing in my stomach I’ll still be trying to throw up the stomach acid in my stomach. On top of that I’ve just been feeling so sick and I have no energy and i don’t feel like myself at all it’s so scary. I feel pathetic all I do is cry and complain about how bad I feel but I can’t help it I really can’t I really don’t feel good during my pregnancy and I feel so bad because everyone makes it look so easy and I feel so horrible that I can’t even enjoy my pregnancy. I’ve gotten so depressed I sometimes think about suicide but I wouldn’t ever go through it but sometimes when I feel so bad and I’m laying in bed crying cause I can’t do anything but lay down and ride it out I can’t help but let my mind wonder. I feel so weak, I know everyone’s different but I can’t go to work, can’t clean, can’t barely stand up for too long or I get dizzy or feel sick. I’m hoping it’ll get better, I just need some reassurance that it will or that it’s just the hormones doing all of this. I hope I feel like myself soon too it’s so weird to feel so different and not like myself.

My significant other keeps his house around 67 which is freezing to me as a human. The bulldog gets maximum snuggles all day with all his blankets and humans. At night he goes in his cage which has a comfy pad and then over top of the wire cage is a wool blanket to Keep light out (this may trap some heat). BUT he can’t have blankets in the bed bc he will eat them. I worry that he is cold! 67 feels freezing to me and I don’t have fur. Thoughts?

After a very long and gruelling journey dedicated to self improvement I decided to clean my room, and whilst this is probably a gross oversimplification of the rule. It is the only thing that has genuinely made me feel so much better that I can now sit down and say, yes, that is the most beneficial thing I have ever done in recent memory. I’ve tried everything as simple as physical exercise to as complex as biohacking and micromanaging my blood content. Yet my hubris was the thing in the way, I thought I knew better and I didn’t, I felt so much better when my room was 40% cleaned that I was genuinely shaken to my soul, I’m nearing 100% and sitting and admiring my perfectly made bed whilst the sun rises on my not only clean room but cleaner mental state and I just knew I had to say thank you to one of the greatest male influences in my life. Thank you Dr. Peterson.

Someone from Instagram added me on snap, offered money for some personalized pics. They sent voice memos, chatted for a while about life, videos of themselves including a home tour. They wanted photos in gym clothes, but with requests like a kissy face, put my hair in a ponytail. Slightly racier than I share on instagram. They sent screen shot of a payment but it wasn’t received (surprise surprise). He said he was going to bed, and I decided to block on insta and snap, then changed my Venmo/snap user and deactivated insta and Facebook. Should I expect some attempt at extortion in the coming days ? Has anyone been blackmailed with somewhat provocative non nudes? Is there anything else I can do to prevent future contact? The anxiety is real, I’ve been ruminating for 12 hours and I’m afraid to go to sleep.

We've had our nearly 3 year old boy for 9 weeks, a mega mutt from Romania who is very cute, probably with some sort of herding dog in him. I know this isn't long in the scheme of things.
He's done really well. He never messed in the house (a few wees when scared or excited) and he loves a groom and a cuddle. We can bathe him and wipe his feet down no drama. A miracle considering he was harrdened Street dog! (Maybe? We don't know but it was unlikely he was a pet) He seems to have really taken to me and I am honoured.
Training is fun! I love it, a few short sessions a day and the same when walking. He knows sit, lie down, in your bed, out (of the kitchen), stay, touch, up, and he is just starting to crack "Middle" which is adorable. But he can just can't get "stand" or "spin" which I have been trying to teach him for longer than middle.
I'll persevere and if he never gets them it isnt that big a deal, but it made me wonder, are there any commands that your dog could just not get, no matter how much training?

My (24F) parents (would be 47F and 48M) both died recently within a year and a half of each other. Mom died in June 2021 and dad died literally on New Year’s Day this year. They left me with my 22 year old younger brother, our dog, our house (which isn’t paid off yet), and a lot of trauma, lol. I live with my brother in the house, and my fiancé (30M) has also moved in.
It’s difficult to describe all of the bullshit I’ve been through in the past two years but along with dealing with the loss of both parents, my mom’s cancer, my dad being in a coma, and all of the funeral and estate management stuff, I also almost died twice, lost a baby (honestly my pregnancy loss trauma could be an entire series of Reddit posts alone), lost my job, lost my apartment, fucked up my college GPA really bad, and I’ve spent almost all the money my family has given to us trying to just barely keep me and my brother afloat right now.
On top of everything, I can’t find a job after looking for months, every cent I make on my side hustle goes to maintaining what I can and occasionally buying things I personally need (like underwear or sheets), and now my brother’s girlfriend is pregnant and she’s moving in with us (her pregnancy is unlocking even more trauma for me, but I’m trying to be as supportive as possible).
I know I’ll live, I know my brother and his gf will help, and I know it’s better than it could be. But I feel so in over my head right now. I feel like I can’t breathe. Like I’m drowning and no one even knows I’m in the water, no do they care.
I’ve been going to bed at 5 or 6am every day because I get nightmares so bad that I can’t sleep until I’m so exhausted that I can’t help it anymore. The PTSD is causing paranoia that makes me feel like every single time I leave the house that either I will die in a horrible accident or someone else I love will. I know I need to get EMDR therapy and a ton of other medical and psychological help but I have no insurance and no money.
I feel so pathetic and so alone. I’ve gone out of my way to find someone who has experienced similar trauma but it seems like it’s just me. I feel really scared and overwhelmed. I’m trying my best to be positive and smile and be the sister my brother needs and be the new head on the household until we figure things out but I can’t even get a job. I try to reach out to my family but I feel like they always nag me about tasks I need to complete and never truly see me and what I’m going through.
I knew exactly what I had wanted in life. I was working so hard, and had a plan. But now I’ve fucked up my GPA beyond repair and can’t go to grad school like I wanted and nobody wants to hire me and I gained a ton of weight and have so much to do and can’t sleep and no amount of self care helps and it just sucks so, so much. I don’t even know what I want anymore.
The only dream I had that I was still holding out for was getting married in a moderately sized ceremony to my fiancé and then going on a nice honeymoon. I had been waiting so long to get engaged. We finally did in December only for my dad to die two weeks later.
So many people have told me to just elope and that a wedding isn’t important or special. Maybe that’s true and maybe I’m being stupid. But it just feels like my entire life has been consumed by tragedy and I just wanted one day to feel special and beautiful and like what I wanted as a little girl. Now I’m probably gonna have to give up on that dream and it just feels like yet another thing I have to lose and another part of myself that I will miss out on.
It’s really hard right now not to feel like my life is really empty and that I haven’t accomplished anything. It’s really hard to keep telling myself that things will work out and that I need to stay positive.
I’m sorry if I’m being a little dramatic or if I sound like a little kid. I generally keep these feelings to myself except when I occasionally talk to my fiancé or when I used to be able to see a therapist. I’m just feeling really down and I have so much on my shoulders and I really miss my Mom right now, but I know I will never see her again.
Thanks for listening, if anyone made it this far.

I can remember when I was three, my babysitter telling me it was bed time. How we would play "house". How she started me off dry humping her. Progressing up to penetration. How she would tell me I was "Daddy" and i had to take care of her. How she would have me go down on her, and the feel of her hamds in my hair as i tasted her orgasm. I remember her mouth on me, asking me "do you like that Daddy?" She abused me for two years, multiple times a week.
A lot of men would say "you're lucky!" But it has never made me feel lucky. It sent deviant ripples through my entire life.
I remember being 5-6 going to one of my moms friends houses with her. Playing with the daughter, trying to play house. I remember my mom came in when I was about to take her virginity, naked, and laying on a little plastic table. But nobody asked how I knew to do it.
I remember being 7-8, and convincing my male friend to let me stroke him in a theater. Leaning down, and taking him in my mouth, because thats what you're supposed to do.
I remember being 10-11, pounding myself into another male friend. The shear ecstacy of using him, then making him cum while I was still inside him.
I remember being 13-14 in middle school, coming into class after it had let out to ask my teacher something. Setting my bag down, and knocking off a red apple stress ball. Getting on the floor to get it, and looking up her skirt. Thinking I should show her that I care about her. Ripping her panties down her legs, and burying my face in her. Her hitting me, yelling at me, and then gripping my hair, and cumming all over my face. She scolded me, told me how wrong it was, but I didn't understand, it was rhe first time anyone had ever told me that it was wrong. In middle school, after I tongue raped a teacher, I didn't even know what rape was, I just thought that's how you show love.
I remember hating myself, the shame, the guilt, the suicidal ideation. My father killed himself when I was 15, he was not a gentle man to me, he was an abusive drunk. But I still cried as I held him as he bled to death in my arms.
I didn't much remember any of this until about ten years ago, driving my truck down the highway, mind wondering, when it kicked open that little door in the back of my head. The flood of memory, the emotions, the massive force of my past burying me. I remember parking on the side of the road, crying like a baby. Shaking as everything burned through me like a wildfire.
I'm 40 now, i have kids, and I never want to let them be hurt like I was, like I hurt others.
Sorry for the long post, just had to get it off my mind..

So I moved to Melbourne to study. Student accommodation was more expensive than renting. I remember I started looking around at rooms to rent. This was roughly 15 years ago.
I will never forget this one place. I went to a place in I think it was northcote. So I rocked up, filled with that era hipster dudes. Anyway the house looked actually kind of nice, then they showed me the room. So we walk out into the back yard. It had an outdoor Laundry. Next to the laundry was a storage room. I shit you not it was a storage room.
You would put bikes in there. You could fit a single bed in there, that was it. No windows, no aircon…..nothing. These guys wanted a lot of money for it too. I said nah I’m good, I don’t even think they got to finish showing me around and I walked out.
These guys were fully trying to take advantage of someone.
Looking for a room when you’re young and broke was depressing and tiresome. I genuinely feel for the students out there getting through this rental crisis.
I’m pretty sure this was the moment I decided to go to student accommodation.

I have issues sleeping on my back (unable to breathe properly when lying on my back, easiest breathing lying on my right ) unless it’s elevated a fair amount, and at this point a motorised bed like those u have in the hospitals is not possible. In good times this isn’t too much of an issue, but on bad days… or weeks like the last 2 weeks have been, having to lie on the same side constantly is causing my right hip n shoulder to be in a constant sublaxed position, which causes a lot of pain…
I been looking on Amazon for solutions and there’s sssssoooo many options with massive range of prices, and it’s a little overwhelming. So i’d like to ask if anyone has any recommendations? It needs to be relatively stable and not too soft - since I get seizures and if it’s too soft I might accidentally suffocate myself , or if it slips during a seizure

Two years ago, I was sent to a trauma focused treatment program for 4 months. I always knew I had a shitty childhood, but this place really rammed it into my head that I was ✨traumatized✨ and that I was a victim of repeated abuse since infancy. They broke down all of my walls and told me that I act the way I do because of my trauma.
I read all the books like you’re supposed to do and did nothing but focus on my “recovery.” I started having violent nightmares almost daily. This persists to this day and nothing seems to help.
Three separate treatment programs later, I still felt miserable. I did DBT, CPT, and still go to therapy twice a week. Medication does nothing for me - I’ve tried everything.
I cannot work. I can’t even clean my house. I get anxious and often dissociate when I simply run errands. I lay in bed all day just waiting for my partner to come home from work. I feel like a shell of a person.
Prior to treatment, I was a functioning adult. I had a career and regularly went to the gym and had hobbies I loved. Now, I have no desire to even try. Any happiness I felt in the past feels fake. I feel like I can never be happy again bc I have the knowledge now that I wasn’t really okay. Nothing brings me joy. All I can do is rot.
I genuinely feel like I’d be better off had I not opened up all my wounds. It’s like I can’t escape it now. I am too self aware and I’m just tired.
My life is so much worse now that I know what I know.

Tw. I have multiple sexual traumas from my life. Overcame.bulimia selfharm (on my own) vaginismus depression. My sister almost did from anorexia. I have been dealing with fainting and vasovagal responses since September and I couldn t handle It anymore. I feel like fainting every second in front of every human being, closed people too. I am a calm woman, good looking, educated and usually people appreciate me. Lost my job. Changed psychiatrist because meds weren t working at all and 3 new psyc told me the same. My long term therapist and psychiatrist made more harm than good with their treatment and meds (they treated me for psycosys with unuseful methods, while It was ptsd and changed meds that are t still really working). I am kind, touchy, funny, ironic and loving. My relationship with men have been so bad. My bf Always raises his voice with me, never a kind Word and this morning I have been working up with him screaming: my back hurt because you re in my half-bed zone. I am so tired and this Is I feel the ending point. He has Always got mad at my triggers. I wanna heal SO BAD. Just a vent