Chandler shooting last night

Alright so here’s the backstory, I matched on Bumble with someone who I had previously worked with for a short period of time. I didn’t see his reply after matching and he ended up texting me the next day. He had just found out that his, at the time, wife was cheating on him and decided to get a divorce. They were together 5years and married 6 months. Things moved very slowly at first and I was fine with that, first kiss was about a month in and we didn’t have sex until 2 months in. About six months into us being together, exclusively but without the title because that scared him. He broke up with me over text saying he needed to work on himself. About a week went by before we began speaking again and ultimately ended up officially in a relationship about a month later. Six more months go by, things are great and we’ve talked about living together, the future, dinners with parents, etc. He starts getting distant and a few days in I asked if he was dodging me. He then broke up with me over text again, however before I replied I went to talk in person. He kept stressing that I am an amazing person and cares about me so deeply but doesn’t feel he can be who I need him to be right now. He said he needs to work on himself, is battling depression and labeled himself a dismissive avoidant which he believes was caused by his ex wife’s infidelity.
I told him I would have to forget he existed, I couldn’t chit chat here and there and check in on eachother. He said he’d like to have lunch in a few days and talk about it again, he didn’t want this to be the last time he saw me. He also said in his mind when he made this decision he thought ideally I could give him a month to figure stuff out and then go from there.
He texted me later that night saying how sorry he is and how much he cares about me. But can’t continue without first being sound with who he is and truly taking time to set his life up for down the road. Then said “I have a winning lottery ticket with no way to cash it” whatever that means, “I’ve got to get myself right and fix what’s wrong with me.”
Do I go nc with him and just try to move on?? I want to be with him so badly and I know if he wanted to come back I would take him. And part of me thinks he will come back. But am I just setting myself up for more heartbreak down the road? Should I just move on now?

A little backstory: My mom was really sick 13 years ago. I have a cousin who is extremely religious. So one day, she brought her "prayer warriors" (that's what they called themselves) over to pray for my mom. They basically stood in a semicircle and shouted for 30 minutes. I remember after they left my mom said, "I actually felt better before they came. Now I have a damn headache!" 🤣 (I loved the fact that she never lost her sense of humor)
Fast forward to present day: I work part time at a department store. Last night, I tidying up my area and I see two ladies across the store. They looked familiar, then I remembered that they were two of the "prayer warriors" and started laughing to myself.
One of the ladies recognized me and ran up to me asking if I knew who she was. She started rambling on and on about my mom dying, me dropping out of college, and a bunch of other stuff. Then she said something about me falling in with the wrong crowd, to which I replied "Noooo. I had a few friends who took different paths in life that may have gotten them into trouble, but I managed to avoid that. She said, "I'm not talking about the thugs. You know what I mean. The perverts! They saw that you were weak and alone because your mom died. But it's okay! God still loves you. And there's still time for you to change!"
She rambled on and on for another 15 minutes. She asked me for my number because she said she wanted to call me. In hindsight, I probably should've given her a fake number but I felt like I'd be able to get a funny story out of it.
She called me that same night and kept me on the phone for 45 minutes. I was playing video games the entire time, but the majority of her "sermon" was about me being gay. Nothing uplifting or positive. Then she prayed for God to "remove the devil from my heart and mind. To remove save me from lust and temptation" and some other weird shit lol
Sorry if this was too long. Just wanted to share. Be good to each other and yourselves. 🤗

I have a decent number of experiences with sleep paralysis. All of which have contained some dark figure, creeping up on me, trying to pull me from my bed. Once I even had a strong sense it was my sister’s terrible boyfriend trying to hurt me. During these, I can hear, feel and see. I always try to move and scream but just end up doing what feels like twitching and gasping for air.
Last night I had another experience. It started out normal. Some figure on my bedside pulling my arm. I begin to TRY to scream and wake up my boyfriend next to me. After what feels like several minutes, I realize it is not trying to hurt me. It’s trying to get my attention. It needs help. He needs help. The next part is something I’ve never experienced. I don’t know whether or not to refer to it as what felt like possession? Like he went INTO my brain to communicate with me. I cannot shake how real it felt. I felt a full body reaction to it. Struggling to breathe. I tried to resist because… um TERRIFYING.
He began telling me that he was dead. That he died here. He felt panicked but relieved to be talking to someone. He calmed down. Somehow I could respond with my thoughts and I don’t remember word for word but he told me he had committed suicide and was stuck here. I tried to tell him maybe there’s something he still needs to do, some lesson he still needs to learn. I have no idea. But I told him I’d help him. I fell back asleep and he was with me in my dream.
Now I’ve woken up and feel I owe this man something. I’m not a believer in ghosts necessarily but I don’t feel that I can just move on and not do something.
Sleep paralysis sucks dude.

Thought about this during the game last night, he has the accolades necessary and we all know the bar is so low for the Basketball Hall of Fame. But he’s gotta be one of the worst players to get in right?

Last night and into this morning I just havent felt the best. My body just feels achey, nothing too crazy but it’s definitely noticeable. I have a bit of chest congestion and I’ve been dealing with some sinus issues, so I kind of figured it might be that? I also work a physical job and woke up with back pain because of how I slept last night, so that might be it too. I just can’t help but think I’m actually coming down with the sb* and this is how it’s starting. Is it common to have body aches before stomach symptoms if it is an sb*? I just keep working myself up into a panic over it and no matter how much I try to be rational my brain is still freaking out. Anyone else deal with feeling triggered over other symptoms rather than just stomach stuff?

My girlfriend and I had unprotected sex last night.
I’m really scared of her getting pregnant or something, because none of us are economically stable to have child, especially at this time.
She’s been on Visanne 2mg for approximately 2 months now, and haven’t had menses in that time.
2 hours after we had sex, she took an EllaOne emergency contraception pill, with a glass of water.
I don’t know how much more information doctors would need.
Age:18 Female 165cm 60-65kg Only medication: Visanne 2mg every day No diseases (medications is for heavy bleeding, doesn’t have endometriosis)

Hey! I’m an 18 year old gay trans man, and I just wanted to share this because I’m very proud of myself and thought it might give someone else in the same boat a bit of courage.
I had a bunch of friends over last night for some drinks and games, and it was a lot of fun. One of my friends has a twin brother who often joins, and he is pretty much a part of the group now, especially when I host things because I insist he comes along (for obvious reasons). I’ve had a crush on him for like half a year now, and he has said he is queer, although not completely sure of an orientation.
I’ve drunkenly kissed all of my friends before (including him on multiple occasions) because it’s just silly fun and we are all queer, but I’ve started refraining from doing so recently to send a message that if I do kiss someone, it means something more. My plan for last night was to kiss him, and maybe ask if he wanted to go outside to just talk or something like that. I didn’t get a chance to do that though, and when him and his sister left I was kind of disappointed in myself.
Me and the people that were going to sleep over went to bed, and I was about to fall asleep when I thought “I should just write down what I feel just to get it off my chest”, without the intention of ever sending it to him. I called my friends and told them about it, and they convinced me to send it. I went up to them in the guest bedroom while we waited for his response, and he answer 10 minutes later with a short but cute response where he said yes to go on a date sometime.
I have rejection sensitivity as a result of my ADHD, and also my poor overall body image. I’m overweight and trans, as I said in the beginning, and have never really felt like I had a right to actively pursue someone, because they could go for so much better. I’m glad I took the chance to confess my feelings, and I’m also glad I was very drunk because then I kind of had something to hide behind if it went badly lol.
I’ve had relationships in the past, but they’ve been with girls (who turn out to be lesbians) because I’ve been confused about my sexuality and lesbians tend to have crushes on me because I pretty much look like a masc lesbian. To have a boy like me back gives me such butterflies that I’ve never felt before. It feels absolutely amazing, and I’m very excited to see where this goes

Hi! Just came back from a magical 10 days on the Big Island and put together a trip report with some commentary. Hope this is helpful for others planning trips, happy to answer questions about any of it
Sunday 5/14
Previously checked into Kona VRBO condo
Breakfast at Kona Haven Cafe
Kona Farmers Market - unimpressive market but the one fruit stand there had soursop and mangosteen which we were looking for
Kaloko-Honokōhau National Historical Park
Costco
Drive down coffee coast w/ GyPSy (now called GuideAlong)
Dinner at Jackie Rey's Ohana Grill Kona - walked in during dinner service on mothers day with no reservation, was seated at the bar immediately, food came quickly and was delicious
Monday 5/15
Coffee at Kona Coffee & Tea - quickly became our favorite coffee spot
Drive up coast w/ GuideAlong
Lunch and tour at Hawaiin Vanilla Co. - okay lunch but amazing tour with owner
Honoka's Chocolate Co. - didn't do the tour but stopped by the storefront for a superb tasting
Waipio Valley Lookout
Dinner at The Fish and the Hog - locally recommended, didn't wow us
Drive through hills & cattle pastures @ golden hour - highly recommend
Tuesday 5/16
Coffee at Kona Coffee & Tea
Snorkel rental at Snorkel Bob's
Snorkeling at Kahalu’u Beach Park - great snorkeling, just need to be mindful of the reef and not stand despite shallow water
Lunch at Da Poke Shack - amazing poke, expensive but worth it
Shave ice at Gecko Girlz
(Stargazing cancelled)
Wednesday 5/17
Coffee at Kona Coffee & Tea
Lunch at Broke da Mouth - another great meal, classic Hawaiian plate lunch
Tour at Big Island Bees - a little nerve wracking if you are not fond of bees as I am but the tour was excellent, honey was amazing, we shipped a bunch home
Tour at Greenwell Farms - convenient timing (free tours ongoing all day) and did not require reservation, very informative tour guide, free tasting of many coffee flavors
(Stargazing cancelled)
Thursday 5/18
Coffee at Kona Coffee & Tea
Snorkeling at Kahalu’u Beach Park
Checked out of Kona VRBO
Lunch at Da Poke Shack
Drive down coast w/ GuideAlong
Punalu'u Bake Shop - underwhelming malasadas, maybe because we were there in the afternoon
Punalu'u Beach - black sand beach, saw turtles in the waves
Checked into Hilo Airbnb
Dinner at Tetsumen - great quality Japanese food
Friday 5/19
Coffee at Sirius Starseed Coffee - best coffee of the trip Akatsuka Orchid Gardens - amazing variety of plants, shipped a few home
Volcanoes National Park:
Steam Vents
Sulphur Banks
Uekahuna
Kilauea Overlook
Ili Overlook
Thurston Lava Tube
Chain of Craters Road
Dinner at Moon and Turtle - some dishes were amazing and some were ok. Limited by few menu offerings
Wandered through Hilo Night Market
Saturday 5/20
Breakfast at Popovers - worst coffee of the trip but breakfast was good
Rainbow Falls
Boiling Pots
Akaka State Park
Honomu Goat Dairy
Hawai‘i Tropical Bioreserve & Garden - highly recommend, beautiful wandering gardens
Lunch at Tetsumen
Big Island Pearl Tea
Free samples at Big Island Candies
Richardson Ocean Park - black sand beach, decent snorkeling, a bit colder water than we would've liked due to areas being spring fed
Sunday 5/21
Maku'u Farmer's Market - stumbled on this by chance and it was amazing. Many fruit vendors, food vendors, arts and crafts
Coffee at Kohala Coffee Co.
Richardson Ocean Park
Stargazing with Epic Tours - Mauna Kea Stargazing - owner was very flexible and rescheduled us twice due to cloudy weather, expensive excursion but thought it was worth it
Monday 5/22
Breakfast at the Sippin Siren Coffee
Scenic drive from Hilo to Kona
Checked into Hilton Grand Vacations Club Kings’ Land Waikoloa - last minute booking due to wanting to spend more time on Kona side before we left, we were actually double booked with the airbnb for this night
Lunch at Da Poke Shack
Snack shopping for home at Costco
Drinks at Kona Coffee & Tea - had a life changing matcha latte this day
Dinner at Ippys Hawaiian BBQ Waimea - another great classic hawaiin plate meal
Tuesday 5/23
Coffee at Kona Coffee & Tea
Kayak rental from Kona Kayaks - owner was so nice, we originally rented for Monday but got there at 1 thinking they were open until 4 (per google) when they really closed at 2, he was willing to stay open later but we decided to just come back the next day
Captain Cook Monument snorkeling - first experience being out snorkeling in deep open water, scary but fun
Lunch at Umekes Fish Market Bar & Grill - had some amazing fish tacos here
Checked into The Westin Hapuna Beach Resort
Dinner at Canoe House - we went with the chefs tasting menu, $155pp came with 6 courses, decent portions, beautiful oceanfront location
Edit for formatting (on mobile)

Hi everyone,
My ex boyfriend and I were together for 2 years. He was my first love, my first kiss, first everything. I was a bit of a loner growing up and struggled to make friends and meeting him is the most beautiful thing that’s ever happened to me. We seemed perfect for each other, shared the same interests, never really argued and our days were filled with love and happiness and laughter. He was my best friend. He often told me that he had never felt this way for anyone, every girl he had been with before now felt like “practice” as he had been waiting for me his whole life. My biggest fear was losing him.
He unexpectedly and very abruptly ended our relationship about a month and a half ago. He said it had been playing on his mind for about two weeks. He said I didn’t do anything wrong, but he can’t deal with certain aspects of being in a relationship anymore. He has been going through some family stuff, as well as being super busy in school and he said he never had any time for himself anymore, let alone for me.
The first few weeks were awful. All I did was lay in bed and cry and I didn’t think I would ever get over him. After a while though, I thought I was doing better, but in one of my weak moments last week I showed up at his house unannounced, lol.
We talked a little bit, he made it very clear that he didn’t want to be with me and he didn’t love me anymore, yet somehow one thing led to another and we ended up having sex that night and we did it again the next morning.
He asked if I was cool with just being friends with benefits and I said yes. In the moment I felt like it would be better than not having him in my life at all, but every time I go home after seeing him it’s like I feel even worse than when he first broke up with me. I am not the type of person to have sex with someone I’m not romantically involved with, he is the first and only person I’ve ever been intimate with. It feels so wrong sleeping with him knowing he has no feelings for me whatsoever anymore.
Still sleeping with him and hanging out with him is making it extremely difficult for me to move on as I’m still deeply in love with him. I know it’s for the better if I just cut him out of my life completely but it is so hard. I am so emotionally attached to this person that I keep telling myself it’s easier to hang out with him and feel awful after, than to not have him in my life at all. I genuinely do not know what to do. How do I move on?
If anyone has some advice for me, please let me know. It would mean a lot ♡

I dunno why, I have a very weird sleep these days where my dreams are extremely confused and I barely remember them, which is rare because usually I remember my dreams very vividly, and I barely remember the dream I had last night but I only remember a detail where I was outside and watching birds fly to their nest, when suddenly a bird accidentally makes the nest fall out of the tree and onto the ground and all the little blue eggs break on the ground and that made me very sad.
Really nice to have a very simple dream as opposed to like… a complex story with massive world building or like horrific body mutilation lol. I do miss some complex dreams though they’re a great source of inspiration for art.

Just curious why every night the trucks are late. No I'm not exaggerating. It's every night. Last night was the worst. 3 trucks all late and pull in at the same time after break. The boss said I'll pay you time and a half if you stay and help. Of course I stayed but not all the time is the head boss there and he is the only one who can approve pay and time. What are your thoughts to why they are late.

So my husband and I were talking about Alex the other day because we hadn't been seeing videos posted or anything of the sort in MONTHS...Her and Dan split? She was evicted from the house? That one, honestly doesn't surprise me TOO much because how someone can live in that much bird poop is beyond me. But what started the downward spiral? The Tazmania trip? It seemed to me that she changed ALOT once that happened, and I couldn't make sense of being away from your spouse for that long. It might just be the fact that my husband and I haven't spent more than a few hours apart in 20 years, but for months and months??? That just doesn't seem like a healthy relationship.
I am just shocked, I tried looking at her IG last night and its private. Wow, just wow. Well regardless of everything, I just hope that she is okay and happy or trying to become happy again. The vlog series always worried me because I get having depression, been there myself and trying to force yourself out of the bed some days is just torture. My husband said her videos after she had been in Tazmania for awhile just seemed off, her behaviors were not changing I thought for the best. She kept saying, Dan is coming or when Sam comes to visit, but they never showed up from what I seen unless I missed something. I know she posted a video of the houses she went to look at, that had Dan in it and not very much. He seems like a really good guy, and seemed like he cared for her genuinely. I really wonder what happened there.

I finally blew up at my roommate.
After exactly a year of having to deal with my roommate, I finally reached my breaking point. We were friends for years before living together, but as soon as I moved in she made it clear that she wanted the place exactly how she had it and only she could have her things where she wanted them. Did she tell me this like a normal adult? No. She would take ANYTHING I left in the common space and throw it into my room. Notepads, pens, laptops, books, controllers, blankets, shoes, ANYTHING that she considered clutter was thrown into my room. Literally everything I mentioned was already in the common spaces because she had them when I moved in, but as soon as I put MY stuff in OUR living room, it was unacceptable and thrown straight into my room. Literally the most common household things were tossed back if she didn't like them, but if she had a use for it, it could stay out. She would never directly talk to me about anything she felt was wrong, she would just do petty things and, if she was really upset at something, would ignore me for days at a time. I had to be the one constantly asking why she was mad and having to open a dialogue cause she is incapable of communicating on her own like a regular adult and would rather let it fester.
It's a long story of her being controlling over literally everything in the house, but to sum up what led to the current situation I'm in, over the last few months I've looked at the way she treats me and noticed she only actually talked to me when she wanted something from me. Which at first, I was more than happy to help her because she was my friend. I would go with her to the store, help her with her room cause she was "too stressed to deal with it on her own", be there for her through boyfriend troubles, give her some of my meals when she didn't feel like cooking, got her gifts for the holidays and my birthday, went to events nobody else wanted to go to with her, let her borrow whatever she needed, and the list goes on and on. A few months ago, I noticed that any time I would ask for the same treatment back, she never gave it. She takes and takes, but never gives. She treats me like I'm a pest in her home otherwise. The way she treats our other friends, her boyfriend, and people in public just trying to do their job is a whole other subject, but just imagine any typical Karen that gets set off anytime she doesn't get exactly what she wants exactly when she wants it, but then tries to make it okay by being friendly right after she gets what she wants.
Most recently, she came to me asking if we could hang out, crying because she was sad her boyfriend was out of town. At this point I had been angry at her for weeks after how she's treated me, but I still hugged her and spent the night watching TV with her. That night I gave up hanging out with my boyfriend during the only free time he had that day AND I worked a double the next day and felt dead because I had stayed up with her instead of sleeping. Cause that's what friends are for right? Except she's never done anything remotely like that for me. I've always held my tongue through all of this because I didn't want it to be awkward in the house or her do anything to my stuff. Just forgive and forget, but enough was enough.
This was building up for MONTHS. Her asking me for things and never giving anything back, judging me for things she didn't like about me, generally making me feel like an unwanted annoyance in my own home. And Lord help anyone who goes against her because she will never apologize and never think she's wrong about anything. I've never heard her apologize to anybody even once or even suggest that she had anything to do with a problem, she just gets defensive and entirely blames somebody/something else or turns it back around on you.
Now, the blowup:
She's out of state with a friend. My other roommate and I are home when suddenly the AC goes out. We live in Florida and the summer heat is no joke, so this was kind of an urgent situation. She, being the control freak she is with this house and unable to ask for help from anyone living in it, has always had us go through her for communications with anyone legally associated with the place and has never given us any type of contact information or account information to anything (she lived here before us so everything was in her name. We aren't even on the lease, but the landlord is aware we live here and share rent). So I let her know the AC is down and if she could ask someone to come out and fix it as soon as they could. A simple phone call, right? Wrong. She's annoyed with me right at the start and just says "you can call" and sends a contact for the realtor. I'm already over it and just say "ok thanks" and call her. My roommate has talked with this woman for years and knows her well. The realtor doesn't know who I am and I have to explain where I live, who I am, my relationship to my roommate, and explain that I'm not on the lease but I have a problem and need help. Obviously she's just confused and leaves things off at an unconvinced "I'll get back to you."
A whole day passes and I hear nothing. At this point we have all the windows and doors open and every fan on trying to get the heat out of the house. My other roommate is tired of waiting and sends our roomates a message asking her to call somebody for us since they obviously didn't take me seriously when I called and it's just getting hotter and hotter. She tells her no problem, that she'll handle it. A while later I get a text from her letting me know the property manager is going to call me. At this point I'm just happy I can talk to someone who can help. She's very nice and and we work things out and got someone to come out to fix what we thought was the problem, and the AC worked for the rest of the day. Hours later my roommate just sends "?". I could only assume she wanted an update, so I told her everything was good and we fixed it. She messaged back "If you want me to deal with problems while I'm gone then I'd appreciate you at least texting me back." The entire 2 days was this type of attitude towards us. What was I supposed to respond to?? It was literally only those 4 messages between us. I give her the benefit of the doubt and took a screenshot and sent it to her asking if there was a message I didn't get because maybe she asked me something and it didn't send because she was out of state. Nope. She responds by saying that it was just those messages, but if we wanted HER to deal with OUR problems while SHE was on vacation, then I should at least update her about it. What in the fresh hell would make her think that after an entire 2 days of her being pissed with me for even speaking to her while she's "on vacation" that I would want to text her again just to get more of the same thing? Believe it or not, I don't enjoy getting talked down to. I hadn't even told her that the AC broke again and that I had already been handling it myself for the last day. If an update really meant that much to her, she could've just asked for one and I'd happily give it, but her being her, any little inconvenience sets her off so I didn't want to reach out since she obviously wanted us to deal with it on our own in the first place and leave her out of it. She literally never even asked if we were okay or anything and it was so hot my roommate got a heat rash and we both had to go to a friend's place. Not a single ounce of empathy, just mad that we interrupted her vacation. I asked her if she was mad (trying again to give her the benefit of the doubt, cause maybe I read it the wrong way because of how aggravated I was by this whole situation at this point). She said she was because we were interrupting her vacation while she's with a friend and didn't want to deal with any of this.
I text her back calling her out for being passive aggressive about the entire situation the whole time while talking down to me and said that we would've never bothered her in the first place if we could do it ourselves, but SHE was in charge of these situations and we didn't have contacts for anybody or any type of resources because she never gave them to us and always took it up on herself to speak to them whenever we had a problem. She took the entire situation personally and acted like she was above any of the problems going on in OUR house and above being asked by us to do anything about it. I also told her that it had already broke again and I was actively trying to fix the situation, but didn't want to bother her "while she's on vacation with a friend out of state" since she made that so clear the first time. If she had actually asked me for an update she would've known all of this, but I was actively trying to avoid her as much as possible at this point.
She said she was mainly mad that we even asked her to "deal with it" in the first place instead of just asking for the numbers to call. A ) this is the first time she's ever said to not go through her for these things and B ) Is there really such a difference?? I wouldn't even have cared if she had said to me "hey do you mind calling them instead since I'm out of town? Here's all the numbers you probably need" and leaving it at that instead of being rude from the start and in every message after that. She could've asked for an update. She could've asked what happened. She could've talked to me without being so aggravated the entire time. And I told her exactly that.
It all went over her head because she can never be in the wrong and just said the same "on day one you couldve asked me for the number but you didn't. You asked me to call someone to fix it. You reached out to ME while I'M on VACATION with my friend. Out of state." And "it's not my fault the AC is broken"
I told her she was right, she had no control over the AC breaking, but what she could control was the way she handled it and the way she spoke to me which was totally unnecessary and only made us more angry with her along with the heat. If I was responsible for something and my FRIEND/roommate came to me for help, I'd do whatever I could till I knew it would get resolved. All it took on her end was a 5 minute phone call and she still made a big deal over it when we were the ones at home having to live in the situation. After all the times she's come to me for help with literally everything she could ever ask for, she couldn't help me the ONE time I needed something that wasn't even personal. Not only that, but got mad at me for even contacting her and insinuating that she help at all. Whatever basic human decency she had left stayed at the border along with any respect I had left for her as a person.
After all that, here I am with the AC still broken
Things are gonna be interesting when she gets back.
TLDR: My roommate is a selfish asshole who'd rather let me cook in 90 degree weather than make a 5 minute phone call.

Baby is 5 months adjusted and outgrew the snoo and had a bad 4 mo regression. We read precious little sleep and have a Huckleberry premium ferber plan.
So far 3 nights in and he falls asleep great at beginning of the night. >15 min of crying before falling asleep each night. BUT he’s waking for an hour between 2-4 am and then waking up early at 5 am.
We’re on a 3 nap schedule with 3.5-4 hours of daytime naps with 2 hr wake windows. Bedtime is 7am and we’re aiming for a 6am or later wakeup.
Should we be caping his daytime naps? Or is expecting 11 hrs at night too long?
Lastly, if he wakes at 5am should we leave him in his crib until 6:30?

How much can the human mind take? How much loneliness and emptiness are we able to withstand before it becomes too much? Turning 30 this summer and I don’t think I want to make it all the way there.. Depression has been my constant companion my whole life. I don’t think I really know any other way of being. For the last 2 1/2 years I’ve been in a rocky relationship and last night I put things to an end after one too many harsh words were spoken to me. Today I am regretting that. I would rather take emotional abuse than be alone. Cripplingly alone. No one to turn to in my darkest time right now. No true, real friends. Not a single one. Its like I don’t know how to build a bond with anyone. I have my mom… who I live with because my life sucks… but she doesn’t want to hear the same shit I’ve been saying for two years. I have a minimum wage job because I can’t stand the shitty, mind-numbing office grind anymore… and because I lost both office jobs during Covid…I have no plans. No aspirations. Nothing I “want” to do with my life. Don’t even know what to do with my pathetic life. I tried joining a gym to help lift my spirits and it’s great, but once I get home reality hits that I’m still miserable. At this point crying makes me feel worse and I’m over it. Took some pills, not enough to take me out because I’m a fucking pussy, but enough to knock me out at least. Just wish I had the strength to go all the way. I just want this vicious cycle to stop. Please.
Edit: We’ll I guess I woke up. Feeling even lower this morning. I need all this pain and emptiness to stay destroying me. I feel so weak. Like I’m just a shell of a person just floating through life mindlessly. No one wants to talk to me about it anymore and I don’t want to feel it anymore. I feel I’m getting closer and closer to by day. Fear has stopped me from succeeding professionally or personally in life, I won’t let fear stop me this time.

So I woked up last night (I smoked weed before sleeping) and usually u wake up with slow vision sometimes. I went in the kitchen and the light made my eyes feel like they were picking up in pressure. I went into my room and immediately layed down. I didn’t feel present for 10-15 seconds after that and it felt like I was peeing. Wtf was that

Ok , so yesterday I posted how I no longer see hawks after being told that my spirit guide is a star seed spirit Long story but I consulted with Psychic 🔮 #1 who said my spirit guide is in form of a hawk Psychic 🔮 #2 said that my spirit guide is a pleiadian star seed spirit (check out post from yesterday) *last night I had a dream that I was looking at a Polaroid picture of myself but the picture of me looked like a better version of me I'd say with different styled hair and glowing smooth skin and in the dream i started showing the picture to my husband saying how I look so much like my mother in the picture (my mom is deceased and had the hairstyle when she was younger that i had in the pic) anyway in the picture, somehow I was able to zoom into it (even though it was a Polaroid like pic- you know how dreams work lol)and in the background on the fence was a hawk! I saw the left side profile of the hawk, it wasn't facing me and it looked like it was asleep standing there on the fence* Can anyone interpret this and tell me what you think it could possibly mean? T.I.A!

Hi FromTVEpix folks,
I've been reading a bunch of the theories posted around the traps, and I wanted take a slightly different critical approach to them. A lot of theories tend to start from a precise set of features which support their hypothesis (think of the Tarot, Slaugh, Victor's Imagination, Viking, Colonial Curse, Eldritch Entity, or Simulation / Dream / Purgatory theories), and extrapolate from there. This is an understandable function of the general mystery the show engenders, but I think that limited approaches can conceal a lot of the features which run counter to their hypotheses. I'll give two examples.
The Slaugh theory, for instance, begins with the assertion that the creatures are identical to the Irish folk monsters, and then extrapolates on several bases (including a gesture towards the eerily similar book The Watchers by A.M. Shine) to ground the theory. However, how would a creature from the folklore of Ireland explain the cables without wires or the spiders in the forest at the end of season one? No satisfactory explanation is available.
The Simulation / Dream / Purgatory theories are sloppy, I'll agree, but not impossible. The Jungian symbolism (i.e. the monsters being the shadow self, Fromville being manifested from the collective unconscious of the participants) gives this theory its depth and credibility. But this, as many have acknowledged already, is lazy; it would be too easy for the writers to cash in their chips and throw up their hands, and I would certainly find it an incredibly disappointing denouement.
I would like to focus instead on the themes of FROM, as I think they can draw to the surface some of the substrate which these theories embroider upon, and provide anchoring points for some of the theories over others. These are just some preliminary thoughts, and I'm excited to see how these themes develop as the seasons roll on. If people find this kind of analysis interesting I'll continue to post in this style.
Spoilers ahead!
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Liminal Spaces
The town the character's wander into along the circular road is a sun-bleached vision of American rural decay. I'm from Australia and we have many towns like this. Small towns, typically built for working communities, that are abandoned as soon as their economic purpose is served, sometimes even half-finished. Flight from rural to urban locations, particularly in pursuit of work in response to the economic crises of the last few decades, could also be an explanation of this general character. The ghost towns left behind, the ruins of things—these are liminal places.
This theme connects to the first and elaborates it. The buildings in Fromville are clearly not all from the same era. I think it might make for dull watching in the series itself, but I hope at some point we get some kind of architectural survey of the buildings and their styles. Colony house resembles a plantation style homestead; the town a 60s or 70s pitstop; the church building—while probably not a church to begin with—with its stone construction looks to be older still, perhaps even early colonial; the cave paintings in the caverns evoke the Lascaux galleries; and the odd shrine which Boyd finds the talismans in seems medieval in character. These are all forgotten and decaying places—places which you pass through, not linger in. Additionally there are decaying stone structures all around the place, including ritual structures like cairns and henges.
(I would love to hear from a heritage specialist on this, please comment below!)
You find similar scenery in novels by Steven King, or TV series like True Detective. There they appeal to a general sense of social decay. This leads into the second major theme:
Disintegration and Anomie
The people who are arriving in the town, like the architecture, are in some way cast adrift from the world. This can be caused by something as serious as drug addiction or the deaths of children, or something as facile as retirement or the sale of a company. The fallen tree literally cuts them off from these paths, causing them to deviate into Fromville. The world there is thinly held together and, much like twenty-first century life, a fine line separates its residents from extreme conditions of deprivation. Throughout the series this theme of anomie, the breakdown of social relations and moral values, and the attempt to maintain those relations and values is frequently returned to. In the most recent episode a food shortage kicked off a xenophobic response from at least one resident of Colony House.
Arguably this is a theme of much cultural fodder, as it is the stuff of everyday life, however here it has a more biting purpose. The creatures which stalk in the night are, for all intents and purposes, just as human as the Fromville residents, up until they get close. The distrust this creates, which clearly plays on the character's minds even during night-time encounters with other humans, reflects a general decay of human bonds. The "games" they play with people further cement this, reflecting an anarchic hunger and violence. Additionally, the existence of these creatures also creates rifts between the human characters, causing further disintegration, and sometimes, as in the case of Colony House, death. Isn't the reason that fool invites the creature inside his feeling of being misunderstood by the others?
The characters pursue their own disorganised agendas, held together (nominally) by Boyd and Donna. This precarious balance is easily upset, and when it does not only do the relations begin to disintegrate, the landscape and architecture do also. When they try to intervene into Fromville, the place responds violently, as if any attempt to rectify the state of affairs (i.e. by leaving) will simply displace their social disintegration into the environment, causing a new wave of social disintegrations. I couldn't help but think of the metabolic rift: how human disconnection from the environment, despite our reliance on it for subsistence, is caused by our mode of social organisation. This ecological aspect is particularly interesting to me, and I'd love to hear others' thoughts on this topic. There are some counter-indications, such as the forest's imputed ability to move, but this could also be connected.
Folklore
The folkloric aspect of this show is just so fascinatingly conceived! I don't think that the creatures in Fromville are vampires, draugar, wendigos, na slaugh, etc., but they are surely drawn from some kind of prototypical creature which contains elements of each of them. We have seen, for instance, that they do not bleed when cut (despite being warm to the touch!), that they can shape-shift, that they knock on doors and call out resident's names. Most of these folkloric creatures, from a functional perspective, are explanations for some kind of fundamental social transgression, such as incest, murder, cannibalism, sacrilege, or infanticide. The inhumanity of the creatures is a reflection of the human capacity to defy social norms, and all are described in language usually reserved for the dead: desiccated, bloated, decaying. This relates, blatantly, back to the theme of disintegration and anomie—each of these folkloric creatures are the embodiment of the most vile aspects of human societies.
Arachnids and annelids have been significant symbolic presences in FROM. Spider-webs are obvious symbols of entanglement, and their method of paralysing victims and digesting them extra-orally seems to cohere with the theme of disintegration. This makes me lean towards the Pitcher Plant theory, that Fromville is some kind of digestive system for a larger, more horrifying eldritch entity. But this is not the only symbol. Worms, a symbol of the boundary of death and life, have become a major symbol in season two. While they have a contemporary gothic resonance, they have had more positive symbolism in different periods, particularly as the object of increase rituals designed to ensure a better harvest. I'm excited to see where this goes, but I wonder if these animals are only present as thematic pap to differentiate each season.
I don't know as much about talismans, but they are pretty ubiquitous, and are subsumed within the category of apotropaic magic. The protection of a home by some kind of magical object is as old as the hills. This protection of domestic space, in contrast to the violence of the outside world, foregrounds the theme of social disintegration. To say that the talismans clinch a particular theory on account of their etchings or designs seems a little premature to me, as most etchings on stone using simple tools are sharp-angled.
At the end of the day FROM is a melting pot of different cultural symbols, and so I think the assertion that they are all drawn from American history (or from the cultures of its emigrants) is a little ill-conceived. Despite having Chinese characters there is little to no reference to Chinese folklore or mythology—Tian-chen Liu notably wears a cross. With that said, it might be possible that her name represents I Ching hexagram 25 ䷘, which would be quite welcome. Maybe someone with more experience with the I Ching could contribute here.
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Thanks everyone who got to the end!